Opinion on leaving 13 yr old and 9 yr old home alone while working 9-5?

WantToBeSE

Thanks everyone for the views and opinions.
I feel like i can't win sometimes. If i were to be offered a full time job tomorrow, i would not be able to take it (according to some of you), as i shouldnt leave my children..yet i am constantly being slated for being on benefits or being a part time worker (this is not a dig at anyone, just simply an observation on my part).

I live in a very rural town, no wrap around care at the schools, and 8 childminders all with 6 month waiting lists (it's more a case of knowing the right person, or your face being recognised, more than actually needing the childcare though).

Yes, it certainly would be a boring summer holidays, but if it came down to either leaving them at home or not having a job, i'd have no choice. I am barely surviving financially at the moment.

i am not even going to comment on the 'being annoyed' post, as it's so ridiculous. Luckily most of you understood where i was coming from (thanks).

Like i said, not digging at anyone, just making an observation about what I and millions of other single parents must face.."damned if you do, damned if you dont'.

Anyway, i have taken all of your views on board, thanks.

jackieblack

WantToBeSE wrote: »

I live in a very rural town, no wrap around care at the schools, and 8 childminders all with 6 month waiting lists

Sounds like an opportunity for some enterprising soul

WantToBeSE

jackieblack wrote: »

Sounds like an opportunity for some enterprising soul

LOL, i was considering setting up an afterschool care type enterprise, but it would cost me too much money. I have too small a house to be a childminder, and in all honesty i couldnt imagine anything worse than looking after other peoples kids all day

balletshoes

WantToBeSE wrote: »

I feel like i can't win sometimes. If i were to be offered a full time job tomorrow, i would not be able to take it (according to some of you), as i shouldnt leave my children..yet i am constantly being slated for being on benefits or being a part time worker (this is not a dig at anyone, just simply an observation on my part).

Like i said, not digging at anyone, just making an observation about what I and millions of other single parents must face.."damned if you do, damned if you dont'.

Anyway, i have taken all of your views on board, thanks.

do you care if anyone slates you (and do they really? to your face?) for being a part time worker?

I work part-time, I work school hours, and have done since my child started primary school. No-one has ever slated me for doing so, and if they ever did they'd get told to mind their own business.

Every community in this country is made up of singles, couples, families with one parent or more, and we all do what we consider is best for us as our family. Whats right for one won't be right for another.

Amanda65

Have skimmed through the posts so apologies if I am repeating what has already been said. I think the main problem for me would be that your 13 yo could never go out with friends / have a trip to town or the cinema as they have to be there for the younger sibling all the time.

I appreciate fully that the situation is difficult and can see how you are stuck completely but cannot help but think there must be others locally in a similar situation who you could arrange a 'swap' at times so it wasn't every day. Is a job offer imminent? If so most will honour pre-booked holiday so you could say you have plans for two separate weeks so are now down to 4 weeks to cover. Maybe farm them off to family for another couple of weeks (not necessarily consecutive) and it all starts to look a bit more manageable. Without wanting to pry (or assume!) could their father have them for a week / couple of long weekends?

As a workng parent you have to become very creative and luckily at their ages it won't be for that long.

WantToBeSE

balletshoes wrote: »

do you care if anyone slates you (and do they really? to your face?) for being a part time worker?

I work part-time, I work school hours, and have done since my child started primary school. No-one has ever slated me for doing so, and if they ever did they'd get told to mind their own business.

Every community in this country is made up of singles, couples, families with one parent or more, and we all do what we consider is best for us as our family. Whats right for one won't be right for another.

Thanks balletshoes, i just need to grow a thicker skin i think. What works for my children and i (and in this case it'll be part time), is all i need to concern myself with. Thanks for the pep talk

tooldle

securityguy wrote: »

Are you seriously suggesting that leaving school at 13 to look after younger siblings would improve people's lives? How many fourteen year olds are thinking "you know, I don't think education or the freedom to play is a good thing, what I need is for my mother to put me in charge of six young children for the next twelve months?"

My dad left school in 1944 (school leaving age was 13 at that time) and went straight into work. The same would have been true for many others like him.
I do think we put off allowing our kids to develop independence these days. I'm not certain if that is a good or bad thing.

angelil

securityguy wrote: »

Are you seriously suggesting that leaving school at 13 to look after younger siblings would improve people's lives? How many fourteen year olds are thinking "you know, I don't think education or the freedom to play is a good thing, what I need is for my mother to put me in charge of six young children for the next twelve months?"

I don't think that's what goldiegirl is saying. I think she's saying that we've just gone from one extreme to the other (i.e. from too much independence and responsibility to as good as none at all...which can be equally sad).


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I also don't get how what the OP's suggesting automatically equates to a summertime of drudgery and chores for her two children. She has never said at any point that they will not be able to go out for the entire six weeks or do anything fun.

Out of interest, I asked my (French) husband about this. Again, he's 32, so his childhood hardly took place in ancient times. He said that in his opinion the situation being proposed by the OP is fine, on the basis that this was what he and his sister had to do at virtually similar ages (she would have been 10 when he was 13). I do get the impression that people in France are more relaxed about things like this though...things take place here health and safety wise which are essentially harmless but which would never happen in Britain out of an over-the-top sense of paranoia.

poet123

peachyprice wrote: »

That sounds just like my 18yo sons. They really don't get along and I dread leaving them in the house for a holiday, or long weekend even.

I know they're safe, as individuals they are both sensible, but I also know there will be a certain amount of misery and arguments.

I had this too....makes coming home a bit of a trial!! Fortunately now one has moved out and they get along much better now. So, there is light at the end of the tunnel.:D

jetplane

OP do not base your choices on what people in your village think. If they are that nosy then chances are you will be slated for leaving your kids anyway.

If you are a single parent thinking of taking a full time job for financial reasons then you really need to have a benefit check. You will not be very much better off working full time over part time unless you have a really well paid job.

Ignore the benefit bashers, it is hard work being a single parent but rather than congratulate you on doing a good job they would rather criticize you for claiming benefit.

Are you currently signing on JSA? If so speak to your adviser as they can treat you as actively seeking work during the school holidays when arranging and paying for childcare would be unreasonable. Even if they argue your 13 year old is fine your 9 year old isn't.

Regulation 14: circumstances in which a person is to be treated as available for work

In addition to existing rules, a lone parent will be treated as available (and thus entitled to JSA):

during school holidays and other similar vacations (undefined), but only if it would be unreasonable for her/him to make other caring arrangements. Being treated as available thus depends on whether or not the decision-maker accepts the parent's argument that there is no suitable childcare available. Suitable might include being easily accessible or available at reasonable cost, as well as reflecting the needs of the child;