Opinion on leaving 13 yr old and 9 yr old home alone while working 9-5?

glitter_fairy

I have left my 9 and 10 year old all day now.

Its not ideal but sometimes we dont have much choice, being a working parent is hard

CH27

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Hi everyone. Thanks very much for all of your opinions, it seem to be the general consensus that it's not an acceptable thing to do.
The reason i have asked is that i live in an area where there is no full time provision for childcare in my town, and i am wondering how i will cope in the summer holidays when i start full time work.

I don't have any family nearby (they all live at least 250miles away), and all of my friends work full time, so couldn't help out.
I don't understand how i am going to manage it...

Could the children go & stay with them for a couple of weeks?

sulkisu

Seanymph wrote: »

It's 'annoying' to have to wait to apply for full time work to care for your own two children because they are still young?

Sometimes I end up aghast on here.

I think parents who delegate the parenting to the older child are awful. The littlest is still young enough to need parenting - that should be you, not their sibling.

There are lots of things you can do as a family, the six weeks are long, and a great time to build fantastic family memories - they will be young for such a short time - you will hit time when you have no idea even if they will arrive for meals and you will see so little of them.

This year they aren't old enough - despite your want to be away from them and to leave them to their own devices they really aren't - and not one poster on here validates that as a choice.

But 'annoying' to have to look after your own kids.

Sheesh.

OP isn't saying that she is annoyed at having to look after her own children - that's unfair. I doubt that she is the only working parent (especially a lone parent) who finds trying to juggle school holidays and work commitments an annoyance. And if all she wanted was to be away from her children, she wouldn't have bothered posting on here - she would have just left them alone regardless - plenty do

meritaten

I am a bit torn here - while I think its occasionally OK to leave a 13yr old in charge of a 9yr old for a few hours - I am not so sure about all day every day for six weeks. just a bit too much responsibility! of course if you could arrange 'summer camp' (most councils run them during the school holidays), then it would take a lot of pressure off the older child. or could arrange with a neighbour or friend to be 'on call' for problems or sounds of sibling homicide? (that was a joke btw - you have to explain that as people take every word on here very seriously).
While I strongly believe that giving an older child some responsibility for younger children is a good thing - because unless they are given responsibility they CANNOT learn it - there has to be a limit.
To answer the question straight - No, I wouldn't leave a 13 yr old in charge for that length of time. I would look to minimise the actual time she/he was responsible to just a few hours a day.

WestonDave

If this isn't going to be immediate for this summer holiday (and as you haven't got the job yet its probably best to wait until afterwards) then I would spend this summer holiday finding out what is on - there is often a degree of hidden "childcare" which takes the form of activities. For example our local gymnastics club runs 9-3 sessions for most holiday days, the local football club runs summer coaching days (bring a packed lunch and stay all day), there's at least 2 other sports camps, and I'm fairly sure the youth theatre does similar for the less sporting inclined. That isn't a boast as to how lucky we are, but an indication that if you asked about summer child care there is very little (although the kids old nursery runs summer club for up to 8's) but there are a fair few days that can be used - often at little cost.

The other option in terms of looking for work is to look for things with flexibility - for example agency temping whilst a bit of a pain does give the option to not work as much or at all during holiday periods. You are in any event going to need an employer that can cope with the kids getting ill - you are allowed up to 2 days to arrange care if they are ill, but if they are off sick for a week, you're going to be into unauthorised absence given your lack of friends etc. Maybe the other thing to do this summer is arrange a few days where you take the kids friends for a day here and there to build up relationships that you can "trade" childcare with when you do get a job.

balletshoes

glitter_fairy wrote: »

I have left my 9 and 10 year old all day now.

Its not ideal but sometimes we dont have much choice, being a working parent is hard

would you leave them for 9 hours a day for 6 weeks at a time though? Yes, being a working parent is hard. The OP also needs to consider what she's going to do next school holidays too, as they still won't be (I don't think) old enough to be left for 6 whole weeks alone in the house together.

glitter_fairy

balletshoes wrote: »

would you leave them for 9 hours a day for 6 weeks at a time though? Yes, being a working parent is hard. The OP also needs to consider what she's going to do next school holidays too, as they still won't be (I don't think) old enough to be left for 6 whole weeks alone in the house together.

No but im lucky i dont have to

they will be left for part of the summer on their own, its that or become homeless

Spendless

Mine and 10 and 13 and when I do work I do leave the eldest. There is very little childcare for a yr7+ child where I live and what there is does not cater for f-time working hours to include travelling time. I'm an office temp though, so not in work every week.

My younger one attends a Primary school with wrap around care so I use that. The first week of the school hols her school is running a sports camp also,, 10-3 so whilst it won't cover the hours I set off and return to work, we will be able to sort it including roping in teenager to help.


Some suggestions for you when you do return to work. Take split weeks (if allowed)wed-wed for weeks 1-2 and weeks 5-6 leaves you with just 2 full weeks in the middle when you need childcare every day and a few odd days in the others which might be easier.
Check out sports camps, other Primary schools, church groups and so on as said. My local leisure centre offers a summer passport where for a set price you can have unlimited ice skating or swimming. Your teen might like that so as to have something to do rather than 'hanging around'. PGL holiday (pricey, but put money away during term-time for it). Babysitting agency? Asking an older teen to babysit if you know someone? Offer to have other peoples kids during the time you are off in return for the favour?

meritaten

Sometimes - Needs Must! and if you genuinely cannot arrange for at least a few hours a day childcare for the 9 yr old - and the alternative is losing your home............then I do understand that you would have chosen the less bad option.

Just make sure both children know that if there IS a genuine problem you will drop everything to tear home! That they know how to call the emergency services and what is a real emergency!
that you have ALL emergency numbers clearly marked by the phone - that you put your contact number on speed dial and that the employers know to put them straight through to you!
You know your kids best - you know if they get on and will work together. give them strategies for if they fall out and make sure that they both know what THEY are responsible for (its unfair to place it ALL on the older one). even little things like setting the table for dinner, or who loads the breakfast things into the dishwasher, you will need to assign responsibility beforehand.
may I just say - good luck and I hope it all turns out well for you!

sweetme

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Thanks for the opinions so far, they are all appreciated. I would never consider doing it long term, only the 6 week summer holidays.

I would leave them both a packed lunch, and snacks will be in the house, so no cooking would be involved.

LOL, no, definiteyl no parties or strip poker or hookers
Is there anyone who think it's be OK?

I have no choice but to have my 17 or 16 year old daughter look after their brothers 12 and 5 while I work these holidays. It's not ideal but if they want a roof over their head, food in the fridge and a pair of blazers (darned expensive shoes) then they have no choice but to watch them. My 17 year old is a very mature girl with a keen interest in childcare as a career but I am still very edgy at work, checking my phone constantly, phoning on every break, definitely not concentrating on work the way I should be. I pay them for doing this according to who has them on what days and for how long. Long story short, it worked last week, the first week, I am not convinced this will work for the whole of the 7 weeks holidays.

Although I can completely understand your predicament I wouldn't leave a 13 year old watching a 9 year old. Do you really think you'd be able to concentrate on work properly without worrying what they are doing?