Opinion on leaving 13 yr old and 9 yr old home alone while working 9-5?

tooldle

I have a 13 year old, and yes I do leave her at home whilst I am at work. I am not so sure about the 9 year old.
I think some perspective is needed here. At 13 I was myself left at home whilst my parents worked. I also had a job, all be it only a few hours a week. If I was responsible enough to work in a shop, then I was certainly responsible enough to look after myself for a while.
It's not that long ago that the vast majority of us left school at 16 and went out to work. Taking responsibility for yourself, learning to entertain yourself and becoming self sufficient, is surely a step on the road to independence.
I could be wrong, but it seems to me that these days every stage of life is delayed, in terms of taking / gaining responsibility and independence.
To the OP, we both work full time. When our child was younger, we would use a combination of childcare to get through the summer break. There are a lot of playschemes etc that will cover at least some of the summer break. It does take juggling, but it can be done. People on here, often worry about putting babies into childcare. That to me is the easy bit, care for children that age is abundant and covers the full year. It is the primary school years that can be the most difficult to cover.

balletshoes

I don't actually have a problem with the 13 year old and the 9 year old being left in the house together while Mum works, as long as Mum is happy with that arrangement. I just think they will be bored stupid for 6 weeks doing that, it will feel like forever, with nothing to break it up. And as Mum is thinking of going back to full time work, its not going to just be this summer holidays she needs to look at, its the next 3 or 4 years worth of school holidays.

FBaby

One key point is how well they get along. My 13 and 10 have always been very close, don't argue and actually really like each other's company. My friend's children of exactly the same age don't get along at all. They are as mature as mine individually, but together, they become totally irresponsible. She would not be able to leave them together. Mine actually really entertain each other.

DevilsAdvocate1

I wouldn't. Mine are 15, 12 and 8. I occassionally leave the 15 nad 12 year old together for 4 hours or so, but I would not leave them all day, every day for 6 weeks.

My mum was left on her own from the age of 11 as her older siblings and dad worked (her mum had died). She had very dull summer holidays basically just doing household jobs. She did all the food shopping and cooking as well as the general housework. Her holidays were very boring. When she went back to school her friends used to talk about the things she did and mum made things up so that no one would know. If they had to write an essay on what they did, she would listen to her friend's stories and then base something on that.

Very sad imho.

katepnlo

I would leave my 13 year old..although I would be worried she would just sit and play computer games for the WHOLE time. I wouldn't leave the 9 year old though.
Can you get child care for just the 9 year old?

Goldiegirl

tooldle wrote: »

I have a 13 year old, and yes I do leave her at home whilst I am at work. I am not so sure about the 9 year old.
I think some perspective is needed here. At 13 I was myself left at home whilst my parents worked. I also had a job, all be it only a few hours a week. If I was responsible enough to work in a shop, then I was certainly responsible enough to look after myself for a while.
It's not that long ago that the vast majority of us left school at 16 and went out to work. Taking responsibility for yourself, learning to entertain yourself and becoming self sufficient, is surely a step on the road to independence.
I could be wrong, but it seems to me that these days every stage of life is delayed, in terms of taking / gaining responsibility and independence.
To the OP, we both work full time. When our child was younger, we would use a combination of childcare to get through the summer break. There are a lot of playschemes etc that will cover at least some of the summer break. It does take juggling, but it can be done. People on here, often worry about putting babies into childcare. That to me is the easy bit, care for children that age is abundant and covers the full year. It is the primary school years that can be the most difficult to cover.

Good point about stages of life being delayed.

During WW1, my nan left school at the age of 13, too look after her younger siblings (and she had a lot of brothers and sisters)

It was the norm then for the older children to look after the younger ones.

These days, young people seem to be denied any independence and responsibility.

They've got to start somewhere, but the start seems to be later and later.

peachyprice

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Good point about stages of life being delayed.

During WW1, my nan left school at the age of 13, too look after her younger siblings (and she had a lot of brothers and sisters)

It was the norm then for the older children to look after the younger ones.

These days, young people seem to be denied any independence and responsibility.

They've got to start somewhere, but the start seems to be later and later.

Yes, children are being allowed all of their childhood nowdays, not having it taken away from them by being a stand-in mother when they are only children themselves.

I see nothing negative in that. We're a long time adults, I really can't see any benefit in taking away childhood when we are not in crisis as we would have been during times of war.

gingerdad

i wouldn't have an issue for the odd morning or day, but not the full six weeks, we are lucky though as have good support network and both oh and me have jobs where the kids come in for the odd day here and there.

So there six week holiday is mapped out like this, most morning will leave them in bed then they can walk/bike or bus to grandmas or mums work, some days will come in all day with me, some days will stay at home or go round to mates, we have friends who work weekends so often have theirs on the weekend and ours go to there's during the odd day of the week.

they are having a week at grandmas - holiday at home, which should be fun and a week with my parents who live abroad, so flying out with my mum and i'm flying out for a day or two at the end.

to me life's about balance, i'd have no issue with my kids being at home for the morning or the odd full day, but they also have the freedom on those days to go off with friends on bikes, have friends round to play etc.. we live in a rural area, grandma about 1 mile away, mums work about 1.5miles away, sil is also close.

if it all goes tits up we get on well with neighbours, and lots of friends near by.

Mine are 12 and 11.

peachyprice

FBaby wrote: »

My friend's children of exactly the same age don't get along at all. They are as mature as mine individually, but together, they become totally irresponsible. She would not be able to leave them together. Mine actually really entertain each other.

That sounds just like my 18yo sons. They really don't get along and I dread leaving them in the house for a holiday, or long weekend even.

I know they're safe, as individuals they are both sensible, but I also know there will be a certain amount of misery and arguments.

securityguy

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Good point about stages of life being delayed.

During WW1, my nan left school at the age of 13, too look after her younger siblings (and she had a lot of brothers and sisters)

It was the norm then for the older children to look after the younger ones.

These days, young people seem to be denied any independence and responsibility.

Are you seriously suggesting that leaving school at 13 to look after younger siblings would improve people's lives? How many fourteen year olds are thinking "you know, I don't think education or the freedom to play is a good thing, what I need is for my mother to put me in charge of six young children for the next twelve months?"