Opinion on leaving 13 yr old and 9 yr old home alone while working 9-5?

labp04

For goodness sake! The children should be having a good time at these ages and not being left to get up to goodness knows what. Believe me, they will (hopefully) grow up all too quickly and both you and they may well regret not having used such fantastic opportunities to have fun.

Without wanting to get too heavy(sic.):

1. Milly Dowler was 13 years old and only returning home from school the day she was abducted. Do you really think it reasonable to risk anything at all like this?

2. A look at the NSPCC site will maybe focus minds ie it may well be that leaving children under 16 alone will be treated as "neglect". An attitude I have a lot of sympathy with.

Yes, the current financial climate is horrible and not helped by on the one hand some of the media "making" single parents feel very guilty if they live on benefits and yet, on the other, putting out a quite confusing alternative spin which basically says a parent should be at home with children to love, support, guide and protect.

Sorry to have gone on a bit but your situation did bring back some ghosts!

Tiddlywinks

WantToBeSE wrote: »

I feel like i can't win sometimes. If i were to be offered a full time job tomorrow, i would not be able to take it (according to some of you), as i shouldnt leave my children..yet i am constantly being slated for being on benefits or being a part time worker (this is not a dig at anyone, just simply an observation on my part).

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Yes, it certainly would be a boring summer holidays, but if it came down to either leaving them at home or not having a job, i'd have no choice. I am barely surviving financially at the moment.
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Like i said, not digging at anyone, just making an observation about what I and millions of other single parents must face.."damned if you do, damned if you dont'.

You are a parent and your 'job' first and foremost is to put the welfare of your children first... and that does not really include leaving them alone for 8hrs a day for six weeks.

What a miserable existence it would be for them... tied to the house, no activities, no mixing with friends... great parenting.

If the area you live in does not provide the childcare you need then you need to consider moving as this problem is not going to go away is it?

I know I sound harsh, but you are sounding like you want to blame everyone else rather than taking control and dealing with the problem - which is that you have two children, live in an area with limited childcare and you need childcare in order to get a job.

duchy

What is wrong with having one part-time job (with tax credits ) as well as a fulltime job of single parent ?

Frankly it's how most single parents make everything work -to find the balance between hard to get and expensive childcare and working.

If anyone thinks less of you because you're putting your kids first -and your work second by working part-time...Then they are the one with the problem !

loobylou2

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this. I would leave DS who is 15 with DD 2 who is 7 because they get on well and I am sure that on his own he would have the maturity to look after her. However DD1 is 13 and I would not feel comfortable leaving her with either DS or DD 2 as she is very immature and does not get on with either of her siblings at times. I'd probably come home to bloodshed and the police at my door. My solution to the issue of childcare and school holidays was to find a job where I actually only have to work during term time so that I can be at home for the children during the holidays. I'm not a teacher or teaching assistant either but there are employers out there who will employ people on term time contracts!!!! Perhaps something like this would be a better option for the OP because then she wouldn't have to worry about childcare in the holidays as she would be at home. I work 8.30am- 4.30 pm during term time as well and so whilst I expect the older children to make their own way to and from school, they often stay on for after school activities and arrive home at about the same time as myself whilst my youngest goes to breakfast and after school club. It works for us and is doable if you can find a decent employer!!! Good luck OP.

poet123

duchy wrote: »

What is wrong with having one part-time job (with tax credits ) as well as a fulltime job of single parent ?

Frankly it's how most single parents make everything work -to find the balance between hard to get and expensive childcare and working.

If anyone thinks less of you because you're putting your kids first -and your work second by working part-time...Then they are the one with the problem !

I agree, there is a difference between being in the situation where you can't work due to family commitment and lack of help, and not wanting to work. OP, take your time to consider your options.

geoffky

Watch out for the bogy man....People have become afraid of being afraid...
Of course is is fine for a 13 yrs old to sit for a 9 yrs old....
I went through this sort of thing with my wife being overprotective...
My eldest suffered because of it and i was determined my youngest would not have her wings clipped like her sister..
She is now a very confident 14yrs old and her outlook on life is a positive one were her sister became quite shy because her horizons were small.
I went through all the what if questions with my wife and my reply's where when was the last time that happened around here? (we had a rape of a young girl 38 years ago)
Never had a young girl murdered and never had a girl abducted into a car..Ect ect..
People change kids lives with these unfounded fears..
What has changed since we were kids.....Peoples fears that is all.

GwylimT

It would depend on the child, when my son was 13 I was more than comfortable with occasionally leaving him alone in the day as he was mature/sensible enough and he was comfortable being left alone. He had a key so if he wanted to he could go out and play with his mates

At that age he was baby sitting for his cousins, but I wouldn't want him doing it all summer as he would miss out on playing with his mates etc as he would be taking a little one which would restrict what he could actually do.

poet123

geoffky wrote: »

Watch out for the bogy man....People have become afraid of being afraid...
Of course is is fine for a 13 yrs old to sit for a 9 yrs old....
I went through this sort of thing with my wife being overprotective...
My eldest suffered because of it and i was determined my youngest would not have her wings clipped like her sister..
She is now a very confident 14yrs old and her outlook on life is a positive one were her sister became quite shy because her horizons were small.
I went through all the what if questions with my wife and my reply's where when was the last time that happened around here? (we had a rape of a young girl 38 years ago)
Never had a young girl murdered and never had a girl abducted into a car..Ect ect..
People change kids lives with these unfounded fears..
What has changed since we were kids.....Peoples fears that is all.

I am not sure you are addressing the issue of the thread, which is the leaving of two children, all day, every day for six weeks.

Spendless

labp04 wrote: »

Without wanting to get too heavy(sic.):

1. Milly Dowler was 13 years old and only returning home from school the day she was abducted. Do you really think it reasonable to risk anything at all like this?

I'm sorry, but I'm not understanding what you mean? Milly Dowler as you say was abducted as she made her way home from school aged 13. Presumably the huge majority of us do let our 13 year olds make their own way home from school? She'd have certainly been safer inside her house with the door locked instead of walking nearby Levi Bellfield. Unless what you are saying is that he followed her because he knew she was going to be home alone? Which admittedly is an aspect of the case I wasn't aware of.

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OP I live where unemployment is high. Part-time jobs exist mainly in the retail, catering or care system where the hours are outside the 9-5 Mon-Fri norm and childcare for these hours is pretty much non-existant. Part-time office jobs are extremely rare unless they are in the public sector (where jobs are being cut from) or you can re-negotiate on your return from maternity leave (I couldn't!).
I temp for this reason. Here,term time jobs, mainly within schools exist once you have volunteered for a hundred years first and ebayed your soul for school funds.:rotfl: Any other term-time jobs are understandably very much sort after- I saw one advertised once (Spec-Savers). My son was 4 at the time, he is now a teenager!

I also live where childcare is very difficult to find for the yr 7+ child. A friend of mine is struggling for childcare for her son from Sept for her to attend college 1 afternoon a week, because he's going to Secondary school. That he will be 11 (Aug born) seems to make no difference, if he'd been born a few weeks later she'd have found something. I discovered yesterday that the Sports Camp that was the one holiday scheme running until child was 15, has stopped their option of a 5pm finish and only offers the 3.30pm one, to be signed in and out by an adult. Now I could have probably swung it with work to let me out at quarter to 5 for a week or two if I was stuck, asking to leave nearly 2 hours earlier each day though, is just not going to happen. I will be in the same position you are childcare wise from September next year, admittedly with youngest child slightly older.

I think you should do what the post of Weston Dave suggests, take time this holidays to see what's available, including finish times. Explain your situation to the JC, they may be able to signpost you to somewhere that can help. I know temping was suggested to you, but I realise signing on and off benefits might cause an issue. I used to have an on-going temp job, which lasted for 15 months before company employed me directly and a futher 3 before office shut down! What about looking for something like that or a longer-term temping role say a 6 month assignment? It does give you a bit more flexibility (which is amongst the reasons I do it).

geoffky

poet123 wrote: »

I am not sure you are addressing the issue of the thread, which is the leaving of two children, all day, every day for six weeks.

I am addressing the fears behind why people do not want to do it anymore..Irrational fears