University Campus or Home?

poet123

I have to say that as parents we really do have to take a deep breath and swallow our apprehension and not pass our misgivings or fears onto our kids.

Each time I have dropped my kids off at Uni I have been tearful, especially with the last one to go, as I saw that as he turned away from us he was emotional (and I would never have suspected that to be the case) but I gritted my teeth and walked away. It is a rite of passage, a stepping stone to adulthood, and just as we facilitate every other stage of development we should facilitate this. Smiling and assuring them all will be well, even if we sob all the way home.

Let her go, your other thread clearly showed how much you care, but caring is evidenced in ways other than keeping them close, although that is the easiest way. Much harder to put on a front, wave her off to new horizons and trust that your upbringing will out, and it will.

There is no harder time to be a parent than the first cutting of the apron strings, but it has to be done, and done with a smile and a cheery wave, and with them knowing that whatever they face, if it ever gets to be too much, they need only call and you will drop everything and get to them.

That you are the backstop, but that it is their turn to go into bat.

Bennifred

poet123 wrote: »

I have to say that as parents we really do have to take a deep breath and swallow our apprehension and not pass our misgivings or fears onto our kids.

Each time I have dropped my kids off at Uni I have been tearful, especially with the last one to go, as I saw that as he turned away from us he was emotional (and I would never have suspected that to be the case) but I gritted my teeth and walked away. It is a rite of passage, a stepping stone to adulthood, and just as we facilitate every other stage of development we should facilitate this. Smiling and assuring them all will be well, even if we sob all the way home.

Let her go, your other thread clearly showed how much you care, but caring is evidenced in ways other than keeping them close, although that is the easiest way. Much harder to put on a front, wave her off to new horizons and trust that your upbringing will out, and it will.

There is no harder time to be a parent than the first cutting of the apron strings, but it has to be done, and done with a smile and a cheery wave, and with them knowing that whatever they face, if it ever gets to be too much, they need only call and you will drop everything and get to them.

That you are the backstop, but that it is their turn to go into bat.

Exactly right! :beer:

mountainofdebt

Do you know what - you've come on here and asked for advice and everyone who has said let your daughter live in halls ( and I don't give a fig about you saying its her choice - no it will be her choice but she'll make the one YOU'RE happy with ie she'll be living at home) you've rubbished or made snide remarks.

Why bother asking if you know which one you want your daughter to choose?

tbh I'm surprised she's being allowed to think of going to Uni in the first place.......I'm sure you'd rather she was married off and being a SAHM......though it does beg the question have you also 'advised' her over her course choice?

stebiz

poet123 wrote: »

I have to say that as parents we really do have to take a deep breath and swallow our apprehension and not pass our misgivings or fears onto our kids.

Each time I have dropped my kids off at Uni I have been tearful, especially with the last one to go, as I saw that as he turned away from us he was emotional (and I would never have suspected that to be the case) but I gritted my teeth and walked away. It is a rite of passage, a stepping stone to adulthood, and just as we facilitate every other stage of development we should facilitate this. Smiling and assuring them all will be well, even if we sob all the way home.

Let her go, your other thread clearly showed how much you care, but caring is evidenced in ways other than keeping them close, although that is the easiest way. Much harder to put on a front, wave her off to new horizons and trust that your upbringing will out, and it will.

There is no harder time to be a parent than the first cutting of the apron strings, but it has to be done, and done with a smile and a cheery wave, and with them knowing that whatever they face, if it ever gets to be too much, they need only call and you will drop everything and get to them.

That you are the backstop, but that it is their turn to go into bat.

I think a few are missing a few points though.

(i) The University which has the course she wants to do is within walking distance.
(ii) She feels she isn't quite ready to move out.
(iii) She could save up a huge amount of money towards a house with very little effort.

Alternatively she can

(i) Add another 21k ish to her debt
(ii) Live away from home when she'd rather not

Wyre

stebiz wrote: »

I think a few are missing a few points though.

(i) The University which has the course she wants to do is within walking distance.
(ii) She feels she isn't quite ready to move out.
(iii) She could save up a huge amount of money towards a house with very little effort.

Alternatively she can

(i) Add another 21k ish to her debt
(ii) Live away from home when she'd rather not

But does she want to save for a house or is it that you want her to save for a house? I asked before and I will ask again:

Are you planning on charging her for food/bills etc? Or are you going to take the hit to your wallet bearing in mind that there will be no tax credits or child benefit or any other benefits for her once she hits uni? What happens if she decides to waste it all and not save it? Afterall it is money for her and if she chooses to spend it all and not put it aside for a car/travel/house there is nothing you can do it about it.

stebiz

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Do you know what - you've come on here and asked for advice and everyone who has said let your daughter live in halls ( and I don't give a fig about you saying its her choice - no it will be her choice but she'll make the one YOU'RE happy with ie she'll be living at home) you've rubbished or made snide remarks.

Why bother asking if you know which one you want your daughter to choose?

tbh I'm surprised she's being allowed to think of going to Uni in the first place.......I'm sure you'd rather she was married off and being a SAHM......though it does beg the question have you also 'advised' her over her course choice?

I'm sorry but your general attitude to debt is portrayed very well by your username and savings of 20p pieces. Either you didn't go to Uni or didn't do very well after going to Uni.

I've listened to peoples opinions and I would say it is weighted 70:30 in favour of going to digs. I've actually let her read the posts so she can see for herself.

I also would have liked her to study another subject as I'd have loved her to be a Lawyer but that is far from what she wants to be and you can only mention it to her so many times.

Like I said, she will make her own decision and by all accounts the most favourable at the moment is first year in student accommodation followed by coming home for the last two. Maybe she'll enjoy it that much she'll stay there for another two. I will however, as any responsible parent would do, advise her of what debt she will be leaving with and the alternatives.

Dunroamin

stebiz wrote: »

I think a few are missing a few points though.

(i) The University which has the course she wants to do is within walking distance.
(ii) She feels she isn't quite ready to move out.
(iii) She could save up a huge amount of money towards a house with very little effort.

Alternatively she can

(i) Add another 21k ish to her debt
(ii) Live away from home when she'd rather not

i. It's unlikely to be the only university offering the course and it's a really bad idea to set her heart on just one university.
ii. Of course she isn't ready yet, she's probably only just turned 17 - she won't be doing this for over a year!
iii. How is she going to save if she isn't taking out the loan to live on?

Rain_Shadow

stebiz wrote: »

I think a few are missing a few points though.

(i) The University which has the course she wants to do is within walking distance.
(ii) She feels she isn't quite ready to move out.
(iii) She could save up a huge amount of money towards a house with very little effort.

Alternatively she can

(i) Add another 21k ish to her debt
(ii) Live away from home when she'd rather not

I'm sure she feels exactly that way while you continue to tell her that's how she should feel.

Contrast with my son. We did nothing but emphasise how great our experiences of living away at university were. Surprise, surprise our elder son embraced his new life and loves it and is only 320 miles from home.

stebiz

Wyre wrote: »

But does she want to save for a house or is it that you want her to save for a house? I asked before and I will ask again:

Are you planning on charging her for food/bills etc? Or are you going to take the hit to your wallet bearing in mind that there will be no tax credits or child benefit or any other benefits for her once she hits uni? What happens if she decides to waste it all and not save it? Afterall it is money for her and if she chooses to spend it all and not put it aside for a car/travel/house there is nothing you can do it about it.

I wouldn't charge her as she wouldn't be earning. I'd advise her on saving but like you say it is her money.

stebiz

Rain_Shadow wrote: »

I'm sure she feels exactly that way while you continue to tell her that's how she should feel.

Contrast with my son. We did nothing but emphasise how great our experiences of living away at university were. Surprise, surprise our elder son embraced his new life and loves it and is only 320 miles from home.

So because he lives 320 miles away he's going to love it. But somebody who goes local won't. Are you serious?

Sounds like he didn't have a lot of choice.