Irritated; grumpy, always moaning ...

alias*alibi

Don't know Person One. Needed to give it a good go; been nearly 2 years since I took him back and to be fair he's tried hard. I can't criticise him around the home, trying to earn extra, help on the school runs with our DD but I'm tired. Tired of the pretence, tired of working 5 full days a week to keep us afloat when before I was doing 3 full days before he came back and 5 short days before the split. I'm tired of feeling an utter failure, seeing people around me blossom when I feel like I'm withering, I'm tired of there being no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of his excessive drinking at the weekends (really think he has a drink problem now) and the shouting at the dog. I'm just tired. I've had bad thoughts lately but could never do that to my DD so I soldier on.

I'm just tired of life, physically and emotionally and I'm only 41.

Gigglepig

Is there any chance you could have a break, even if just a weekend away on your own?

And book some sessions with Relate to help you process things?

Person_one

alias*alibi wrote: »

Don't know Person One. Needed to give it a good go; been nearly 2 years since I took him back and to be fair he's tried hard. I can't criticise him around the home, trying to earn extra, help on the school runs with our DD but I'm tired. Tired of the pretence, tired of working 5 full days a week to keep us afloat when before I was doing 3 full days before he came back and 5 short days before the split. I'm tired of feeling an utter failure, seeing people around me blossom when I feel like I'm withering, I'm tired of there being no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired if his excessive drinking at the weekends and the shouting at the dog. I'm just tired. I've had bad thoughts lately but could never do that to my DD so I soldier on.

I'm just tired.

Just stop now, you've done this for long enough. Nobody could ever say you haven't tried your hardest.

alias*alibi

It's not just this but work too. I feel useless there too; do a similar job to a colleague but pay my pay is two grades less (£5k) which my manager acknowledges but doesn't fight my corner about and as the norm get taken for granted and expected to work above and beyond then get frowned on for saying no for doing things that can be done himself. It's just a combination of a lot of factors ATM. I could sleep for England.

Brighton_belle

alias*alibi wrote: »

to be fair he's tried hard. I can't criticise him around the home, trying to earn extra, help on the school runs with our DD but I'm tired <this is rather wiped out by this for me > I'm tired of his excessive drinking at the weekends (really think he has a drink problem now)

alias*alibi wrote: »

It's not just this but work too. I feel useless there too; do a similar job to a colleague but pay my pay is two grades less (£5k) which my manager acknowledges but doesn't fight my corner about and as the norm get taken for granted and expected to work above and beyond then get frowned on for saying no for doing things that can be done himself. It's just a combination of a lot of factors ATM. I could sleep for England.

Your exhaustion and utter misery seeps off the page OP . Two years is a good long time to be trying to make this work.
Something has to change, you can't go on like this.

Do get yourself checked out by your GP to see if there is anything else they can do, as per suggestions above re iron levels etc.

affordmylife

just a thought im assuming there has been a dna test.

it must be so hard living in this situation everyday. I think that's what wearing you out. you are working so hard and not getting anywhere which is very demoralising.

I really think you could do some financial gymnastics and get on track with the debts.

have a look at some of there threads on here they are really supportive x

Treevo

Person_one wrote: »

Just stop now, you've done this for long enough. Nobody could ever say you haven't tried your hardest.

Perhaps the OP won't be so flippant with her child's life as you expect her to be.

Brighton_belle

Treevo wrote: »

Perhaps the OP won't be so flippant with her child's life as you expect her to be.

That's a bit harsh Treevo - some of us have been around for the whole miserable saga for this OP, going back more than several years when her DH left her and their little girl for another woman, and left that woman when she was heavily pregnant.
The OP put her all into making her marriage work on his return. Her DH is now drinking heavily at the weekends and the OP is clearly on the floor with misery and exhaustion.
It doesn't seem unreasonable for Person-one to suggest that for the op's well fare, she may need to consider this marriage is never going to work, seeing as it is 2 years since he came back.

Any small child suffers when their parents marriage is long term unhappy. I'm not sure with the way the op describes things, that staying together is always the best thing for children, even though divorce is very emotionally disruptive too.

Primrose

I think most people will understand how you feel about maintaining the child resulting from your OH's affair. The reality is that the issue will never end once the child becomes an adult and support stops he/she may well also be entitled to a proportion of your OH's estate when he dies. You need to thrash this issue out with your OH because it could continue to cause resentment for longer than you realise.

MarilynMonroe_2

If he's on the birth certificate a DNA test wont get him out of paying.