Irritated; grumpy, always moaning ...

alias*alibi

Bit of a rant really. Don't know what's wrong with me really. I'm constantly irritated and in a bad mood lately and very very tired. I don't find joy in much; fed up with having debt. No possible way to save up for a deposit for a house so renting, can't afford holidays, old cars. Fed right up. Between me and OH we earn £50k but we constantly struggle. OH pays £335 a month CSA which pee's me off no end but it has to be paid; £300 loan a month then all our regular outgoings a month. Gah! I pick criticism in anything and everything; but I can't face doing it myself as my energy is zapped and I slump into a kind if depression. My job pay sucks but I'm expected to support my manager like his PA. Did I mention I'm tired???

My OH is really trying since his affair; can't fault his help round the house and trying to bring in extra money but I snipe at him constantly and nothing he does seems good enough. We got a puppy in February and I'm sick of OH shouting at the dog using the F word constantly; but understand where he's coming from sometimes but we all wanted her so fed up with her being moaned at. This weekend he's painting the bathroom and I moaned at him drinking a can of cider before 12pm whilst decorating and finding things not 100% right in the painting that I'm stressed about.

I do feel like I've got OCD and a bit if a perfectionist; when i do things myself wanting it done right I'm easily fatigued so then I get depressed but then moan when others do it and its not perfect in my eyes.

I'm a miserable moody mare lately; can't see the light at the end of tunnel for anything and want to curl up in a ball and hibernate.

I'm on anti-d's already so I don't know what else to do to make me feel better. I'm overweight and borderline diabetic so know I need to get the weight off but have no motivation and can't afford to join a gym.

I was chatting to someone at my DD's sports day last week who knew about my OH's affair and they said 'you're ok now though and happy, right?' I said no, not really. But I don't know what I'm not happy with.

Pah! What the hell is wrong with me?? Sorry for the self pitying post; I know I need a kick up the bum.

affordmylife

you sound depressed to be honest by your post. this is something which will not be resolved by losing weight or having more money.

£50,000 is a massive amount of money if you budget wisely. do you have debt. do you have kids. big mortgage???? x

alias*alibi

affordmylife wrote: »

you sound depressed to be honest by your post. this is something which will not be resolved by losing weight or having more money.

£50,000 is a massive amount of money if you budget wisely. do you have debt. do you have kids. big mortgage???? x

£15k of debt; one child and renting!!! OH pays £335 a month CSA. I know it's a good income to most and I have no idea why we struggle so badly.

I'm already on medication; mainly for anxiety. Life has been turbulent for 3+ years; I'm just exhausted mentally i think.

Cherry_Bomb

I really feel for your OP and in your shoes I think I'd struggle as well.

I hate it when people point out that your on paper income is high but know nothing about circumstances. For all we know you could be paying rental prices of Cental London!

For the money side of things have you ever kept a spending diary? Might be worth just looking at where its all going and see if there's any changes you could make.

marisco_2

I think it could be wise for you to go and see your gp. You mention in your post that you feel tired all the time. It could be that you are suffering from sleep apnea. This causes a constant feeling of fatigue.

Problems and worries in life are always easier to face and deal with when you have a clear head and the energy to think straight. I hope you manage to work things out and feel much better soon

balletshoes

I agree - if you don't already do it, a spending diary could be a really good idea for you, focus you on where you spend your money and what could be cut down on without affecting your quality of life.

Lara44

(((((Hugs Alias))))) sounds like everything is getting on top of you at the moment.

You should visit your GP, as tiredness may well be signs of an underlying condition, for example diabetes which is something you mention.

Also you recognise that it isn't great to be sniping at your partner. What about trying some of these mindfulness techniques to try to gradually get out of a negative spiral.

Have you spent any time in the Debt Free Wannabee section of the forum? There's lots of advice and support there for debt busting. You could make a thread of your incomings and outgoings and get some help. Making a plan always feels reassuring. Even better is you can get your OH on board?

valk_scot

Depending on what area of the country you live in some GPs can refer you on to fitness classes or gym sessions overseen by an NHS physio, or your GP practice might have a weight clinic overseen by a nurse. Worth asking anyway. If not look at your council gym, these are usually a lot cheaper than the ones with the fancy towels and pot plants, you can get a personal assessment and fitness program set up for you too.

It may be that you could do with someone to talk to about the affair, it does sound as if there are a few lingering issues. Good friend, vicar (if church goer), Relate? If none of these are suitable, try writing it all down, in a diary.

Like everyone else I think two adults and a child should be able to manage on 50k a year, even with debts and child support and living somewhere expensive. The two of you need to keep a spending diary for a month then sit down and discuss a budget. Getting the debts cleared would be a priority, debts are expensive.

While you're at the GP get him to check your thyroid and blood counts, it's just possible your levels are a bit wobbly. The possible diabetes is a worry, yes, keep a close eye on that.

Get outside as much as possible in good weather, sunshine is a mood enhancer and it's free. Walking is free too. Summer is a good time to overhaul your diet, watch out for too much alcohol, caffeine and sugar.

Treevo

Why does it annoy you so much that your husband supports his children?

Head over to the debt board and post your SOA and they'll help you with budgeting. Then you can pay your debts off and structure your money so you can live the lifestyle you want.

fannyanna

Treevo wrote: »

Why does it annoy you so much that your husband supports his children?

Reading between the lines I'm guessing the child was the result of the affair OP refers to.

alias*alibi

Treevo wrote: »

Why does it annoy you so much that your husband supports his children?

Head over to the debt board and post your SOA and they'll help you with budgeting. Then you can pay your debts off and structure your money so you can live the lifestyle you want.

One was born out of an affair so yes that grates big time. Like I said it has to be paid but I don't have to be joyous over it as it was it wasn't my balls up...

Edited to say actually the CSA payments may well be the death knell tbh. I'm pretty p1ssed off having to support a kid born out of an affair my husband had and why should I help support it. Basically he pays £335 for 'thin air' as he doesn't see the child. Not sure how much longer I can pretend at happy families tbh.