Don't know what to do!

Confused01

jillie1974 wrote: »

the living with you mon-thurs and then off to his family/friends rings alarm bells for me. how far away do they live from you?

why does it need to be very week?

They're in London and I'm in Luton, not too far really. Neither of us see our family during the week so we catch up with them on the weekends.

SavingPennies_2

Great sounds like he is comitted then. Seems like the issue is more between him and his mother..sounds like he just scared to tell her. Maybe you could arrange to go for lunch a few weekends (by train) and make an agreement with him that at 4 months you will tell them. That way you can suss her out and ease him in jentley..sounds like hes a bit scared to tell her.

Edit: I assume by "I", he means "we" move to a new place...

charlie3090

Luton to London,easy drive without touching the motorways,
easy train ride,sorry to say but the travelling on motorways is a poor excuse,
Charlie x

365days

So he never invites you to any social events at the weekends? Can you contact him easily at weekends or do you always go to voicemail?

Op I smell a rat and a big one at that. You need to find out the truth and quick so you can make INFORMED decisions about where you go next.

SavingPennies_2

Confused01 wrote: »

Since he's been staying with me, no.

We finish work around the same time and is back around an hour after me.

SavingPennies;

He has asked me if I would consider moving to a new place, whilst where I live now is nice, it's not very big so he want's somewhere with more space.

Sorry if Im repeating myself my posts seems to be dissapearing. Does he mean "we" together or "you" alone move to a new place.

tiger_eyes

fluffnutter wrote: »

Really?? Christ, it was a joke! Oh dear, lovey. This all sounds rather a stressful situation, what with the baby and everything

I wasn't joking when I suggested the secret family - I used to think that only happened in soap operas, but then I encountered a real-life example ...

Confused01

charlie3090 wrote: »

That sounds much more positive,
we could speculate forever on his reasoning,on the one hand he could be genuine what he says about his mum being overbearing,
on the other hand he could have a secret life.
Did he seem keen to take you to the family get together?,if so then maybe what he says is genuine.
Have you asked him why you couldnt travel by train if you dont like motorways?
imo I do think that if he stays with you all week he should be chipping in with costs etc.
What does your gut instinct tell you?,is he secretive with his phone/computer etc,any unexpected work calls in the evening?.
Whatever is going on your priority has to be your health and wellbeing,
Charlie x

My bills are generally pretty low so I have no problem paying them myself, he does buy the food and put money on the gas and electric keys when it's needed.

He seemed keen to "show me off" he'd showed his brothers pictures of me before and the others did know about me.

As for train travel, they make me nervous too but again, not impossible for me to do.

He's not secretive with his phone, if he's feeling a bit lazy he asks me to check for new emails and messages for him.

zzzLazyDaisy

So if his flat is rented, and he doesn't officially live at your house, and at weekends he visits family and friends, where does all his post go to? Is he on the electoral roll anywhere, is he registered with a doctor, where is all his stuff, is it in storage?

Sorry if I am missing something OP, but the way you tell it, he doesn't actually have a permanent address at all, which seems very unlikely.

Confused01

tiger_eyes wrote: »

I wasn't joking when I suggested the secret family - I used to think that only happened in soap operas, but then I encountered a real-life example ...

Yeah I always thought that was something that happened in soaps, then we found out my uncle had a whole secret life away from his wife and kids :eek:

19lottie82

The idea that his family make him uncomfortable for some reason is plausible, I have to admit.

I would follow your instinct with this one. For example if he is cagey with his phone / emails when he is with you, and / or you can never get hold of him at weekends then I would be a bit suss.

Otherwise, have you tried talking to him about how you feel re not properly meeting his family? Not just making suggestions, or dropping hints but actually sitting him down for a proper talk?