Don't know what to do!

Person_one

Unless you're putting a whole turkey in, I think you might need to talk for a bit after you've eaten too.

marisco_2

Many couples choose not to inform their extended families and friends that they are going to become parents, till they get past the 12 week scan and know that all is well with baby, and that the pregnancy is progressing as it should be. So in that regard your boyfriends decision to not have said anything to his parents and siblings just yet is not so unusual. What appears very odd to me is that he is purposefully excluding you from going along and spending time with his family when he visits them. That he fobs you off with flimsy excuses when you ask to accompany him, is a dismissive and cold way to behave and shows little regard for your feelings. I am not at all surprised that his approach and conduct concerns and upsets you. Most people experiencing the same would be seriously questioning just what was really going on in their relationship.

At this time in your life you should feel happy, relaxed and excited about becoming a mum for the first time. Instead you clearly feel extreme insecurity within the relationship you are in with the father of your baby, to the level where you are questioning whether he is embarrassed and ashamed of you, envisaging the possibility of being left to raise your baby by yourself. I hope your chat with him this evening goes well and that you both express exactly what you are thinking and feeling and resolve this area of your relationship that is causing you so much anxiety.

renegade

Confused01 wrote: »

His mobile is always lying around, he's never hidden it from me or been secretive with it. If he goes to the loo or something he just leaves it where it is.

A person can have more than 1 mobile......

renegade

Confused01 wrote: »

Getting off track here. What he does with his property, how it's rented out isn't relevant to the situation.

It is totally relevant as is the whole financial situation. One word of advice, Do not under any circumstances sell your place!

Slinky_Malinky

This new place he wants - you sell your place and then...

1. You use your money for deposit, buy the new place in just your name and carrying on paying for everything as you do now.

2. You both put in 50/50 deposit and buy in joint names and share all bills.

3. You use your money for deposit, buy the new place in joint names and ? bills.

I would be very very cautious OP, at least you have your own roof over your head atm. I have to say I cannot respect a man who has sponged of you ( and his family) for so long regardless of any other goings on wrt his family and weekend stuff. When you say he wants to buy baby stuff, I guess he means go shopping and you buy it.....?

Confused01

How he rents out his place is none of my business, he's happy the people renting it are happy. It has nothing to do with me, he was renting it out before we met.

My place is also rented so selling it doesn't come into it. I really don't care about the financial side of things. I earn enough to comfortably support myself if we broke up. I have zero interest in his money, that would be last on a list of things that are important or matter to me about the relationship.

Why he feels the need to keep me and his family apart and the lack of wanting to tell them we're having a baby is what matters to me, nothing else.

Bennifred

Do his parents know where he lives during the week, or do they think he's in his own place? (ie does he let them think you are just a casual girlfriend?)
I do think you should be bothered about the financial set up from now on, as you now have joint responsibilties.

Confused01

Slinky_Malinky wrote: »

This new place he wants - you sell your place and then...

1. You use your money for deposit, buy the new place in just your name and carrying on paying for everything as you do now.

2. You both put in 50/50 deposit and buy in joint names and share all bills.

3. You use your money for deposit, buy the new place in joint names and ? bills.

I would be very very cautious OP, at least you have your own roof over your head atm. I have to say I cannot respect a man who has sponged of you ( and his family) for so long regardless of any other goings on wrt his family and weekend stuff. When you say he wants to buy baby stuff, I guess he means go shopping and you buy it.....?

He doesn't sponge off me, as I said before my bills are very low so I'm fine with paying them, he buys the food and keeps the electric and gas keys topped up.

And no, he wants to buy the baby stuff and any maternity things I need.

He is by no means a "sponger" or tight with his money, he is in fact very generous when it comes to buying people things, perhaps a bit too generous at times.

Person_one

Confused01 wrote: »

How he rents out his place is none of my business, he's happy the people renting it are happy. It has nothing to do with me, he was renting it out before we met.

My place is also rented so selling it doesn't come into it. I really don't care about the financial side of things. I earn enough to comfortably support myself if we broke up. I have zero interest in his money, that would be last on a list of things that are important or matter to me about the relationship.

Why he feels the need to keep me and his family apart and the lack of wanting to tell them we're having a baby is what matters to me, nothing else.

No no no, everything about each other is both your business now. You're going to be a family, you're going to be jointly responsible for an actual human life!

Are you going to carry on meekly making absolutely no financial demands on him when you're on the lowest rate of maternity pay, or when you aren't earning enough to cover bills plus childcare?

Confused01

Bennifred wrote: »

Do his parents know where he lives during the week, or do they think he's in his own place? (ie does he let them think you are just a casual girlfriend?)
I do think you should be bothered about the financial set up from now on, as you now have joint responsibilties.

They know he lives with me.

When we move into another place, things will obviously be split 50/50, but even then, the renting of his place in London and how it's all set up, none of my business.