Don't know what to do!

FatVonD

Confused01 wrote: »

raveled around a bit so doesn't really have "roots" so to speak. I did offer finding somewhere mid way between London and Luton but he's come to like how things are in the area and the slightly slower pace of life.

That's ringing more alarm bells, more like there's more chance of you running into people when you're together!

Confused01

SavingPennies wrote: »

Good luck op. hopefully its just a case of him needing a kick up the bum.

One last thing, at this stage I dont think the mother issue is a priority. I think the first thing to sort out is living arrangements, ideally you want to be living together full time as a family before baby arrives?

Yeah, we have been looking for more suitable places for us to live for when baby comes and I know he has spoken to his bosses about being transferred to a closer company. So we have planned some things

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

And you've never ever been suspicious about this? Does he tell you what he actually does during these long week-ends? Who else stays with their mum and dad for 48 hours unless they need care? Surely he would have told you if that was the case? I have never ever known anyone who goes back to their parents every single week-end, pass the age of 20ish once they have their own place. Most avoid it like the plague, even when they adore their parents!

OP is doing something similar herself.

I know a few people who do, mainly people who work in capital cities but have a large friend and family network in their 'home' area. It's not a religious adherence, but its fairly routine...enough to make it a reliable bet. Usually though, things change when partners become involved and they go with the partner, or alternate the weekends between family areas of the other has a similar situation and choose to keep a couple of weekends back for 'themselves', especially in the early stages of relationship.

Confused01

No I've never been suspicious of him going to his parents at the weekend, as I do the same thing myself, it's not a weird thing for me, it's actually rather normal.

As we both have big immediate families scattered around, the weekend the only time we get to spend some time with each other. Prior to doing it, I'd barely see my two eldest brothers once a year.

It's not just him going there, his brothers and sister go as well.

Person_one

Do his brothers and sisters go from Friday to Sunday evening though? Visiting for Sunday lunch is not odd. Spending the whole weekend there so that you don't ever spend a weekend evening or day with your partner of a year is odd.

So you literally only see each other Monday to Thursday nights after work? What about annual leave, how does he spend that?

paulineb_2

Confused01 wrote: »

No I've never been suspicious of him going to his parents at the weekend, as I do the same thing myself, it's not a weird thing for me, it's actually rather normal.

As we both have big immediate families scattered around, the weekend the only time we get to spend some time with each other. Prior to doing it, I'd barely see my two eldest brothers once a year.

It's not just him going there, his brothers and sister go as well.

I go and stay with my mum once a year, at Christmas and sometimes New Year.

My brother visits her once a week and cooks her dinner. I do see my mum inbetween times, but going to stay with your parents every single weekend, even if your family do it, is a bit odd.

Hes abandoning you every weekend. And you are pregnant.
You arent his priority, his family are. And why cant he give you any money towards your flat if he is renting his out?

He seems to have a very cushy life, I must say. Fed and watered at two different homes and doesnt pay either of them a penny (I assume).

He sounds like a complete chancer to me.

19lottie82

I think it's a bit odd that he goes home every weekend (not that I'm suggesting it has anything to do with the problem in hand).

How much can you see of each other if you both work FT during the week?

I love weekends with my OH so we can spend some quality time together. Have a lie in and relax, go to the pub, go for a walk, meal.....

Surely you can't really do any of those things during the week, to some extent, as you're so tired after work.

I'd be a bit peed off and feel that he was treating my place as a mid week crash pad.

lazer

Mojisola wrote: »

It's going away from the opening post but that would be a very strange stance to take.

Sleeping together before marriage and contraception are both against RC beliefs but they wouldn't mind those things but would be upset if a baby came along?

I think its a case of burying your in the sand - even if you are living together - parents can ignore the fact you are having sex before marriage, but when a child comes along it's different, it is no longer about just 2 adults, its about the child too, and to those with strong beliefs, it is important that a child is brought up in a stable home, and to many that means marriage, and it's also about what others will think (and for certain people keeping up appearances really counts!)

Personally - although I am Catholic it doesn't mean i believe in every aspect of the churches man made rules, it is the church that fits best with my own beliefs (and the church I was brought up in - but I did research other options when I was a teenager).
Although I do believe in marriage, and believe Children should where possible be born within marriage - but thats my belief and I don't agree with forcing or co-ercing others to my beliefs.

However - this is off topic, and not really helpful to the OP.

poet123

Something is not quite right.

Could it be that his family interfered in past relationships and caused friction and he wants to avoid that. There are some mothers who see grandchildren as the zenith and would be intrusive. To me that is probably the best case scenario.

OP from what he has told you of past relationships could that be the case?

Whatever it is there is definitely something, and something that requires addressing head on sooner rather than later.

paulineb_2

Confused01 wrote: »

Possible!

If I remember correctly his parents are Roman Catholic (as is my dad) although none of them are actively practicing.

People who are RC do use contraception and also some people who are RC sleep together before marriage.

We are out of the dark ages thankfully

You are both in your early 30s, it really should not matter whether his parents approve that you are living together before marriage or having a child together.

I hate to say this, but he could have another gf somewhere and you would never know.