Don't know what to do!

paulineb_2

Confused01 wrote: »

Yes we've had Friday and Saturday nights together, where we just lounge around watching movies and stuff, or go out for a drink (before the pregnancy), he's also taken me out for dinner a lot, so we do spend time where it's just us.

If he wants to go for Sunday dinner with his family when the baby is born he can, staying over, no. I don't intend to stay over with my family either.

One of the key factors in wanting to find a new place, is not just space for the baby but because he want's it to be our place, and not just feel like it's my home, which he currently does with the place we live in.

Id be very wary of giving up my home and getting a place with someone who cant even spend a weekend with you now that you are pregnant, especially when you are pregnant.

You should be his priority right now, not his family.

Confused01

Person_one wrote: »

You're not the only one who's confused now OP! Earlier you said he leaves for work on Friday mornings and comes home Sunday evening.

What are you thinking now? What are your plans for when you speak to him? What are going to tell him and what are you going to ask him?

He works Monday to Friday, Friday evening to Sunday evening he goes and sees his family, sometimes he'll come with me to my dads on Sunday and occasionally we'll stay at home and be lazy for the weekend. His weekend away trips have been less since I told him I was pregnant though.

I want to find out why he seems to keen to keep me away from his family and doesn't want to tell them about the baby.

Funky Bold Ribena;

I assume he knows how his mum would be in regards to finding out she'll be a grandmother for the first time. I absolutely know that if my mum was alive she'd be exactly the same way as he suspects his mum would be.

As it is, I already have the majority of my female cousins circling around me, offering advice and sharing their experiences.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Confused01 wrote: »

Funky Bold Ribena;

I assume he knows how his mum would be in regards to finding out she'll be a grandmother for the first time. I absolutely know that if my mum was alive she'd be exactly the same way as he suspects his mum would be.

As it is, I already have the majority of my female cousins circling around me, offering advice and sharing their experiences.

I wasn't interested in the answer. I was suggesting a way that you could call his bluff on it.

Even if she is a tad narcissistic or whatever; it's a bit mean to keep this sort of news from her. So either she is a complete nightmare or...it could be worse...

SavingPennies_2

Might be coming from the wrong direction here but...

Given he is in his early 30s and still goes/lives at his parents for weekends - as do all his siblings, both those who live near and those who don't - is she one of these very involved mothers who is likely to be jealous of you/the baby? Or want to take control of how you do things? The fact she didnt get along with his ex would support this. If he didnt get along with her I could understand not being so keen to tell her, but given they are close and have these weekend family get togethers I cant understand why not tell her? Just a thought...

Has he said when you will tell her? Shes going to find out eventually after all!

FBaby

It's always the same issue. If indeed his mother is overbearing, and indeed, she would sweep into your life and drive you mad, and indeed, he is doing the right thing by keeping you away from it all, why not make it clear that is what it is to you?

Instead of waiting for YOU to bring it up, and then making vague mention to his mum's behaviour before changing the subject, he actually told you about how his mum is, how she behaved in the past, how she would be likely to behave, all this brought up by him, wanting to share this with you, his partner, future mother of his child, then I'm sure you wouldn't be here asking strangers to try to understand his intention.

It's not the reason that is the problem, it's the secrecy behind it all.

Confused01

SavingPennies wrote: »

Might be coming from the wrong direction here but...

Given he is in his early 30s and still goes/lives at his parents for weekends - as do all his siblings, both those who live near and those who don't - is she one of these very involved mothers who is likely to be jealous of you/the baby? Or want to take control of how you do things? The fact she didnt get along with his ex would support this. If he didnt get along with her I could understand not being so keen to tell her, but given they are close and have these weekend family get togethers I cant understand why not tell her? Just a thought...

Has he said when you will tell her? Shes going to find out eventually after all!

She's very hands on and like things done in a specific way. At the brothers birthday party, she was in charge of everything, which upset the brothers then girlfriend because the party was her.

It's the same with Sunday dinner apparently, at my dads everyone serves themselves as much or as little as they want. His mum piles everyone's plates high with food, and I mean piled high, I've seen pictures. It's like a mini food mountain :eek:

Confused01

He's just got in not too long a go, so we'll be having a chat while we wait for the dinner to cook.

SavingPennies_2

Confused01 wrote: »

She's very hands on and like things done in a specific way. At the brothers birthday party, she was in charge of everything, which upset the brothers then girlfriend because the party was her.

It's the same with Sunday dinner apparently, at my dads everyone serves themselves as much or as little as they want. His mum piles everyone's plates high with food, and I mean piled high, I've seen pictures. It's like a mini food mountain :eek:

Agh I know what you are saying...sounds like she still treats them like little children and always wants to play the "mother" role, fair enough but hes a grown man now, perhaps hes worried how she will react at you being the woman at the head of his new family.

paulineb_2

Confused01 wrote: »

She's very hands on and like things done in a specific way. At the brothers birthday party, she was in charge of everything, which upset the brothers then girlfriend because the party was her.

It's the same with Sunday dinner apparently, at my dads everyone serves themselves as much or as little as they want. His mum piles everyone's plates high with food, and I mean piled high, I've seen pictures. It's like a mini food mountain :eek:

That doesnt excuse why he leaves you every weekend to go and stay with her. Shes overbearing yet he spends a significant chunk of his week with her?

If someone doesnt have the gumption in his early 30s to tell his family that his gf is expecting a baby, it doesnt say much for them.

He may be a a very nice person indeed, but I think you are seeing him and this entire situation through rose tinted specs.

SavingPennies_2

Confused01 wrote: »

He's just got in not too long a go, so we'll be having a chat while we wait for the dinner to cook.

good luck