Does 'no gifts' aways mean no gifts....

Torry_Quine

Errata wrote: »

"No gifts" stands on the presumption that guests would like to give a gift, and it removes the pleasure guests would experience in giving a gift.

I see what you're saying but if the invitation didn't say no gifts then I wouldn't know not to get something.

Errata

I think funerals are slightly different; family flowers and donations to xxxx seem to be widely accepted. Dictating what guests can and can't do when invited to a wedding I think is rather different.
There now seems to be a growing fashion for telling guests there's a colour code for the wedding which they are required to comply with.

MrsDrink

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I see what you're saying but if the invitation didn't say no gifts then I wouldn't know not to get something.

It is just one of many things about weddings (life?) where you cannot please every person. So the Bride and Groom should do what pleases them.

Write something - offend Aunt Sally.
Don't write anything - annoy Uncle Paul.

seven-day-weekend

But Errata, I still don't understand why you are so offended if someone should say 'please don't waste your money buying us presents, we'd just like your company'? Surely that is a good thing? That we would rather see you than receive a present ?

I happen to think present-buying can be quite a minefield and I don't want my poorer friends to feel obliged to buy me something.

MrsDrink

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But Errata, I still don't understand why you are so offended if someone should say 'please don't waste your money buying us presents, we'd just like your company'? Surely that is a good thing?

But that's the point. Some of our guests would not take no for an answer. Seriously. It was like banging our heads against a brick wall. We'd argue respect our wishes. They'd argue respect their desire to buy us something. (I think they'd still have been peeved if we said no - donate to charity in our names instead). My best friend (the one person who should respect our wishes lol) would not take "nothing" as an answer and in the end she surprised us with a beautiful framed print, which we adore but certainly did not want her spending her money when she'd already paid out just to come!

Errata

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But Errata, I still don't understand why you are so offended if someone should say 'please don't waste your money buying us presents, we'd just like your company'? Surely that is a good thing? That we would rather see you than receive a present ?

I happen to think present-buying can be quite a minefield and I don't want my poorer friends to feel obliged to buy me something.

I haven't said I'm offended, please don't put words into my mouth. Someone telling wedding guests what they can and can't do is the imposition of the inviter's overbearing will on their guests without so much as a by your leave.

ska_lover

[hhhhhhhhhhhhh

Errata

How could guests be upset by a wedding invitation? That's what it is, that's all it is, an invitation to attend a wedding (and possibly a reception) it doesn't need T&C, although I suspect some Bridezillas come perilously close to that.

ska_lover

[. We just want our friends and familys company, we don't want or need 'stuff'.

Torry_Quine

ska_lover wrote: »

It isn't the invitation to the wedding that is upsetting folk, it is the request for no gifts.

When people have asked us what presents we want, we have verbally told them that we don't want anything, rather than putting it on the invites. I don't see that this is assuming anything on our part, as these guests have asked, and were obviously thinking of purchasing a present for us. I have been given invitations to weddings in the past that have a nifty little poem which states no presents which I think is clever, and lets everyone knows where they stand from the outset, and hopefully removes any uncomfortable situations

IMO I think it is nice to request no gifts, it shows you are not materialistic, and understand that your guests have paid out an expense just by travelling to your wedding, and potential accomodation and outfits etc, and that they have put themselves out, taken a day out of their own lives to come and be at your wedding. It does cost a small fortune just to attend a wedding if it is some distance away. We just want our friends and familys company, we don't want 'stuff'.

Well said.

My problem is that unless they make it clear with the invitations then I don't know that the couple specifically don't want gifts. I have never felt it necessary to check with someone what to buy so no opportunity then to tell me.