Does 'no gifts' aways mean no gifts....

caitlyn22

Argh! This drove me mad recently!

We said no gifts for our wedding and really meant it - we didn't want or need anything and made that very clear on our invites (politely, obviously!)

People were so rude to us about it - telling us we were being mean-spirited, one family member even accused us of being selfish! Thankfully, lots of people of our generation (mid 30s) understood, and they just gave us lots of lovely cards with heartfelt messages.

We felt awful taking gifts and I don't mean that in a flippant 'oh you shouldn't have' way, I mean in a 'oh hell we really feel uncomfortable about this' way!

So no gifts means no gifts in my experience. For weddings where you might suspect they're being polite and would prefer cash, just ask, otherwise pay them some respect and just give them a card with your sincerest best wishes!

duchy

Kynthia wrote: »

I don't think anyone says 'no gifts' and doesn't mean it. If they want cash there will usually be a poem, the invite will say 'no boxed gifts' or word will get round that they want cash/voucher/currency for the honeymoon.

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I wouldn't be so sure that the absence of "the poem" means the couple don't prefer cash. It's a really hot topic on the weddings board-with some people liking the idea and others really disliking it..... and it doesn't appear to be generational either.
It's also considered poor wedding etiquette to mention gifts at all on the invitation -and good manners to wait to be asked <shrug>

It's a blinking minefield -I'm off to Vegas to get married -avoids all these issues (I hope !!)

emg

I quite like buying restaurant vouchers as wedding presents. You usually know where your friends like to eat so it's a bit more specific and personal than a store voucher but isnt going to clutter up their home or fail to match their decor! Quite nice for them to have a meal out when they are busy paying off the wedding and honeymoon! Might not work if your friends have expensive tastes but most of my friends have been really pleased with Pizza Express or Cafe Rouge, that kind of thing.

KME91

If/when we get married it'll be a strict no gifts situation, we'd be marrying in the UK, and flying back to our current home in the USA so anything bigger than a hanky will cost more to ship than the value of the gift probably. Plus we've lived together for years so have everything we need.

I like the idea of charity donations, a wedding seems extravagant in so many ways, it's nice to be able to do something good with it.

FBaby

Getting married in September and like most, we don't want gifts. The reasons being for one, we don't need anything, and for two, I don't like the concept of wedding lists at all.

However, like most posters, some people do take offend by it and are really bothered. I don't know why. All will already be spending money on our wedding, if it is to get a card of acknowledgment, buying new outfits (seems to be the case for most ladies!), transport and accommodation (some people are coming from abroad and staying two nights) and guests will be buying their own drinks in the evening reception, so I really don't find it appropriate to expect even more from them.

Our family is not happy at all about it and that's fine. We have agreed that they could participate towards our honeymoon next year if they really really really wanted to. Friends? We will insist that we really don't want or expect anything, but if it bothers them so much, we will probably say any cash of any value towards trip too. Just writing this and I don't like it, but I appreciate that some people are really genuinely happy to participate that way.

burnoutbabe

i think picking SOMETHING people can get may be easier - rather than saying "if you insist get us cash" you could say "buy us a bottle of white wine" or "chocolates" or cheese - whatever your taste is. So something small but at least they feel they are getting you something.

I'd ask for Nail Polish!

jackyann

I think that most people genuinely mean "no gifts" BUT as you can see, many feel uncomfortable about going empty-handed (primitive rule of hospitality!)
My take is this:
If you are hard-up compared to the person throwing the party and/or have gone to considerable expense (eg: staying over in a hotel / travel etc) then don't take a gift
If you are relatively well off, consider the options mentioned, depending on the person / occasion:
a "thank you for the invite" bottle
a charitable donation (be careful if you don't know them well and pick a "safe" charity)
a voucher if you think it would be useful; if appropriate, an "experience" voucher. This often goes down well with older relatives

Whatever else, don't forget the "thank you" note afterwards, and say what a treat / honour it was to be invited

I also have to say that when I have said "no gifts" it was a very genuine attempt to prevent people spending money on things I wouldn't have room for or want.

ska_lover

caitlyn22 wrote: »

Argh! This drove me mad recently!

We said no gifts for our wedding and really meant it - we didn't want or need anything and made that very clear on our invites (politely, obviously!)

FBaby

burnoutbabe wrote: »

i think picking SOMETHING people can get may be easier - rather than saying "if you insist get us cash" you could say "buy us a bottle of white wine" or "chocolates" or cheese - whatever your taste is. So something small but at least they feel they are getting you something.

I'd ask for Nail Polish!

Except that we really don't want any of these things. It falls in the category of I would really much much rather they buy nothing that something for the sake of buying that will not be eaten/used by us. At least with cash, we know we can use it towards something that will be very much appreciated.

marlasinger

ska_lover wrote: »

It's our day and I am sick of having (no offence anyone) but older generations poxy traditions rammed down our throat - but tbh this is just the tip of the iceberg for me, having been told by my MIL that we are setting ourselves up for a bad start in married life by not having a honeymoon..

We didn't have gifts on our wedding, but it was a very small occasion with only my husbands immediate family coming. We didn't actually even think to mention gifts one way or another.

As for not having a honeymoon - we didn't have one, and it's made not difference to our married life whatsoever. We didn't have the money, but also we are both read home-bodies and preferred to stay in and chill with the dog!