Does 'no gifts' aways mean no gifts....

Cloudydaze

I've been to 2 weddings this recently:

One was a second marriage for both and it explicitly said on invite - no gifts. Bride's first wedding was 5 years before and I had been quite generous then (and she still uses my gift!)

Second was couple who didn't include a gift list. I asked the groom and he said they weren't expecting gifts and just wanted everyone to come and celebrate with them. I thought about a token gift but they are v.wealthy and quite cool and I thought a cheap gift would just end up looking tacky!

However, at both weddings, there were tables laden with presents & both times I thought s**t! I've messed up! Now couple 2 have just posted on Facebook saying how overwhelmed they are with all the lovely gifts they've received.

So, are people just being polite when they say 'no gifts' and do actually want them?

I've got a 40th party tonight but the birthday girl has said no presents. Should I get her something???

Gigglepig

If the couple did not want a present (gift or cash) I would make a donation to their preferred charity.

duchy

Usually it means one of two things....either -We don't want gifts OR We'd prefer cash !

There are a lot of people who don't like giving cash so will always give a gift even if No gifts are specified.

I'd buy the birthday girl something personally.

Cloudydaze

duchy wrote: »

Usually it means one of two things....either -We don't want gifts OR We'd prefer cash !

There are a lot of people who don't like giving cash so will always give a gift even if No gifts are specified.

I'd buy the birthday girl something personally.

Hmmm, in my case I don't think couple 2 wanted cash. They are seriously rich!!

lilymay1

We requested that our wedding guests make a donation to SANDS (stillbirth and neonatal death charity) in place of any gifts they would have bought for us.

We didn't need anything, but that charity was very close to our hearts. Fortunately, our guests obliged

ilikewatch

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where the invitation had stated "strictly no gifts", upon arriving at the evening do there was a huge table groaning under the weight of coffee makers, toasters, dinnerware etc. etc.
During the evening the couple made the surprise announcement that they were moving to South America to work for a charity on a 2 year contract, had rented out their flat and were flying out 24 hours later - they asked that anyone who had arrived with a gift took it away with them as they had nowhere to store them :-)

stir_crazy

Even if someone says no gifts, I would still get them something, I would feel awkward turning up to a celebration without a token gift. For weddings, probably cash in a card, a voucher or even a nice photo frame for their wedding pictures. For birthdays, etc, I'd probably get them a bottle of their favourite tipple or something small but personal.

CH27

I'd get the birthday girl a bottle of fizz.

Georgiegirl256

duchy wrote: »

Usually it means one of two things....either -We don't want gifts OR We'd prefer cash !

There are a lot of people who don't like giving cash so will always give a gift even if No gifts are specified.

I'd buy the birthday girl something personally.

I'd agree with this. A lot of people (with perhaps the exception of the rich people!), want money nowadays, for numerous reasons.

1, Times are tough, and a lot of people would prefer money as they're that strapped for cash that they cant afford a honeymoon, so a lot of people like to put it towards that.

2, Alot of people live together now first before getting married, so they usually already have everything they need regards home things.

Although saying that, if that's the case, I've seen people put little poems in saying that they don't want gifts, but cash or vouchers would be handy, so maybe it is a case of they really don't want anything?

Regards the 40th birthday, I still would buy her something, I'd hate to be the only one turning up without anything

morg_monster

The problem is a lot of people - especially family - just feel they must buy a gift for a wedding, and often in fact like and WANT to buy newlyweds gifts. I have friends who wrote this "no gifts" stuff on invites and their parents were plagued with calls from family saying "we want to get them something, please tell us what". One couple caved and got a gift list, another stayed strong and got given loads of random stuff.

I think if you say "no gifts", it's a good idea to give a reason - eg "We already have everything we need" or "we are moving to South america for 2 years". Otherwise people may just think you're being polite. If I get an invite saying "no gifts" I still try to do something - if they're close friends, take them out or invite them round for a nice dinner, if less close, buy something small, cheap but nice - perhaps personalised or with a link to where they are getting married etc; I usually look on Folksy or Etsy for these kinds of things. Otherwise a bottle of champagne... I dunno, I just find it really hard to turn up empty handed! I guess it's just hardwired in my brain - if you're invited somewhere, you bring something. Birthday party - a present. Around for dinner - a bottle of wine. Staying with friends for a weekend - bunch of flowers. If someone used the wording "Strictly no gifts" I would manage to rein myself in and just take a card :-)

Cloudydaze

CH27 wrote: »

I'd get the birthday girl a bottle of fizz.

That's what I thought. However, not sure if this will be odd as the party is in a Champagne bar!!!