Partner still not divorced, 3 and half years into our relationship !

Bennifred

I must admit I've always been baffled at someone getting "engaged" when they are already/still married to someone else. Maybe I'm old-fashioned...........

Errata

Bennifred wrote: »

I must admit I've always been baffled at someone getting "engaged" when they are already/still married to someone else. Maybe I'm old-fashioned...........

It's only a promise to marry at some indeterminate point in the future.

tinkerbell28

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I appreciate you sharing your superior knowledge about the legalities of making a will

It is true, so I am not quite sure if you intended to be patronising.

WRT to tayforth his funeral wouldn't have happened yet.

It must be awful for her though. The army don't bring people back lightly unless for blood relatives or spouses. So it must have beens serious.

zzzLazyDaisy

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

It is true, so I am not quite sure if you intended to be patronising..

It is not true that 'A legal next of kin has a very good chance of successfully contesting a will'. If that were the case any living parent would have a good chance of contesting the will of any adult child of theirs that leaves their estate to their cohabiting partner (or even Battersea Dogs Home) Equally if the parents were dead, the brothers and sisters would have a good chance of successfully challenging such a will. So there would be little point in anyone making a will.

What IS true is that certain categories of people who survive the deceased AND who were being financially maintained by the deceased in their lifetime may challenge the will if it does not make reasonable provision for them.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1975/63

tinkerbell28

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

It is not true that 'A legal next of kin has a very good chance of successfully contesting a will'. If that were the case any living parent would have a good chance of contesting the will of any adult child of theirs that leaves their estate to their cohabiting partner (or even Battersea Dogs Home) Equally if the parents were dead, the brothers and sisters would have a good chance of successfully challenging such a will. So there would be little point in anyone making a will.

What IS true is that certain categories of people who survive the deceased AND who were being financially maintained by the deceased in their lifetime may challenge the will if it does not make reasonable provision for them.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1975/63

Precisely. Which backs up what I said. In this instance I am talking about spouses. NOT siblings, but you know that.

Which is why it is SO important with regards to estranged spouses.

If you are still legally married and have not been through the divorce process and the legal settling of the finances.

A spouse still has a very clear claim on the estate of the deceased. As no formal agreement has been put in place. No formal maintenance agreement.

A spouse is more than entitled to claim their financial settlement from the estate. Their "share" and maintenance.

It may not suit you to realise that, but it is reality.

Ophelia_10

Wow - this thread covered a few pages so it's taken me a while to read through it all. I hope to come back and reply to one or two points if I get time today.

I do appreciate where people are coming from regarding the view that he has another life elsewhere and is playing me along etc, but that is most definitely not the case and I am 100% sure about that I do appreciate that it can happen and I am very sorry to hear of those cases. I think it is more to do with his view being similar to zzzLazy Daisy's and a few others, in that he would sort the divorce if/when we decide to marry.

I have taken on board everyone's views and it's been very helpful, so thank you to all who have contributed.

I will come back on with an update, when I get one lol

Thank you all :beer:

Voyager2002

Ophelia_10 wrote: »

Wow - this thread covered a few pages so it's taken me a while to read through it all. I hope to come back and reply to one or two points if I get time today.

I do appreciate where people are coming from regarding the view that he has another life elsewhere and is playing me along etc, but that is most definitely not the case and I am 100% sure about that I do appreciate that it can happen and I am very sorry to hear of those cases. I think it is more to do with his view being similar to zzzLazy Daisy's and a few others, in that he would sort the divorce if/when we decide to marry.

There is a much simpler explanation for his behaviour...

As I understand the situation, his (ex) wife is still living in a house that is half his. The divorce process would involve resolving this situation: either he would have to decide to give her his equity, or there would be a certain amount of unpleasantness since he would have to force her to move out so that the house could be sold or raise the money in order to buy him out. While he must understand that in the long term this is something that he needs to face, it is easy to see that he would prefer to postpone it until he feels stronger (and perhaps until his ex has found someone with whom to share her life and perhaps the cost of the house).

I'm not sure what to suggest, except that he needs to talk frankly about his feelings with regard to this situation and what he wants to happen next. Quite possibly his partner (you) is not the best person with whom to have such a conversation, so perhaps he should seek the help of some kind of professional adviser. It would be reasonable for you to indicate that you really want him to seek this kind of assistance.

Errata

Until he feels stronger? He's been separated for over five years!

Georgiegirl256

Errata wrote: »

Until he feels stronger? He's been separated for over five years!

That's exactly what I thought!

Nenen

Like many PPs, I struggle to understand why the OP's bf is happy to be legally tied to his wife if she was so abusive and for her to retain control of his assets, pensions etc and remain living in a house which is half his, especially as they did not have any children together. Having just read all through the thread, I can't remember whether or not the Op said there is a mortgage on the house. If there is, does the bf pay all/part of this? Personally, I would pay the £3 or £4 to check on the Land registry website to see the names on the deeds of the house (anyone can apply to do this and the owners are not informed).

I've been wracking my brains to think of a reason why his actions suggest he wants to maintain the status quo (despite what he says about wanting to relocate). I wonder if the Op's earlier statement about them not having much chance to talk and her reluctance to be seen to nag as they just want to enjoy their limited time together at weekends has anything to do with it as, in my experience, many men prefer to keep things light-hearted and enjoyable and will avoid serious discussions about contentious issues like the plague! Only having weekends together keeps the relationship on a 'best behaviour' basis and promotes a reluctance to do/say anything to spoil relatively short times together. Perhaps he enjoys that aspect and fears it might change if he makes a greater commitment to the Op by getting divorced.

I agree with the Op that I wouldn't want to live with someone who was still married so, if it were me, I think I might call his bluff by suggesting a compromise... As he says he struggles with the distance between you and is keen to relocate why not suggest he moves to his own place near to you. That way he takes a baby step towards more commitment and you get to spend more time together while you remain totally separate financially.