Partner still not divorced, 3 and half years into our relationship !

Errata

he has been separated since 2007

Looks like there's nothing legally preventing the boyfriend being granted a divorce without consent. The trick is to uncover his reason for not doing so, and 'it will happen when it happens' is not a reason.

tinkerbell28

Errata wrote: »

Looks like there's nothing legally preventing the boyfriend being granted a divorce without consent. The trick is to uncover his reason for not doing so, and 'it will happen when it happens' is not a reason.

Precisely, her being awkward doesn't even come into it.

zzzLazyDaisy

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Just curious, but is he still classed as your next of kin and vice versa? Or does that not apply anymore because you've been separated for so long. Just wondering that's all, it's just a thought that popped into my head!

A legal 'next of kin' just a default position if there is a dispute.

In my case my hospital records state my carer as next of kin (since my nearest family member is about 200 miles away and would be as much use as a chocolate teapot!)

My will appoints two executors (one of whom is my brother) and gives them full responsibility for carrying out my wishes re the funeral etc.

But in my case, in reality he wouldn't be interested, and neither would I (that's if anyone even knew where to find him - which is a point as I probably should leave his address and telephone number with my will, so he knows he doesn't need to bother getting a divorce!)

tayforth

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I've read bits of your thread, and it's very inspiring to anyone in a similar position! Well done on making the break and all the best for your fresh start!

Thank you, you're very kind

any_name_will_suffice wrote: »

I have been with OH for five years, and he's only just this year started divorce proceedings, some 10 years or so since he and his wife separated.

If I'm honest, is hasn't really bothered me that much, as I know he is committed to me. My main concern would be that his wife would be considered his legal next of kin if, for example, he became incapacitated.

When he got married, he intended to be married for life, and although it didn't work out that way, I think he has always struggled with the concept of getting divorced.

I got married for life as well, and never imagined that I'd be getting divorced. Isn't that true for everyone?

The OP's partner's wife was abusive (according to him); they've been separated for over 5 years; she's living in their marital home and they have no kids. Its utterly baffling that he hasn't initiated a divorce yet, IMHO. How long is he happy for her to live in a house that's half his - forever???

Georgiegirl256

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

She would be legally. You only have to look at the mess that happened with Lee Rigby and his poor family.

He had a new fiancee, so a new serious relationship. If they were together 10 years or 10 months. Makes no odds. The wife, is the wife. The legal next of kin, the one the Army officially deal with, the one who gets the money, the pension, the war widows pension. The whole lot. The fiancee won't be involved in any of the arrangements.

A little old certificate has so much power and estranged or not, still leaves you open as next of kin and contesting, even if the will states different. Who is to say you were not reconciling behing the scenes, etc, etc.

I didn't know that about Lee Rigby. I just saw pictures of him and his wife (I think) in the papers etc, who was that that appeared in the press conferences then? I thought that was his wife?

tea_lover

I wouldn't want someone who'd been abusive to me to have a say on turning off my life-support.

Errata

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I didn't know that about Lee Rigby. I just saw pictures of him and his wife (I think) in the papers etc, who was that that appeared in the press conferences then? I thought that was his wife?

That was his wife. His fiance seems to have done the decent thing and kept away from the media. She is also a serving soldier and has been supported by her colleagues. His family haven't denied the engagement.

zzzLazyDaisy

tea_lover wrote: »

I wouldn't want someone who'd been abusive to me to have a say on turning off my life-support.

Actually that IS something that never ceases to amaze me. Few people start divorce proceedings immediately, and many don't finalise the divorce for two or three years - that is not uncommon.

Yet the number of people who fail to make a will during that period, or notify the hospital or their GP of a change to their next of kin is just staggering.

Georgiegirl256

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

A legal 'next of kin' just a default position if there is a dispute.

In my case my hospital records state my carer as next of kin (since my nearest family member is about 200 miles away and would be as much use as a chocolate teapot!)

My will appoints two executors (one of whom is my brother) and gives them full responsibility for carrying out my wishes re the funeral etc.

But in my case, in reality he wouldn't be interested, and neither would I (that's if anyone even knew where to find him - which is a point as I probably should leave his address and telephone number with my will, so he knows he doesn't need to bother getting a divorce!)

Interesting thanks So basically unless you nominate someone else to be your NOK, it defaults to your spouse.

tea_lover

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Interesting thanks So basically unless you nominate someone else to be your NOK, it defaults to your spouse.

Some places (not all, of course) will also disregard anything different you've requested and assume that your spouse is still your NOK (which they are, legally).