When to speak up, and when to stay diplomatically silent...

aliasojo

SueC wrote: »

Okay, yes, perhaps some more info would help....

Elderly parents planning to sell their house (to release equity - I get that bit, it's completely logical, and I have no problem with it).

But instead of downsizing (which again, I would fully understand and support) they are planning to move to a bigger house, a long long way away where property is cheaper.

I can understand how you feel but I don't think this situation warrants as much concern as you're giving it tbh. Sorry, I know it's hard worrying about parents when they get older.

Brighton_belle

Ok, my opinion is, that I suspect you will be expected in some way to pick up the pieces when they do become 'more decrepit' so I think it is ok to say something.
I think their plans are very poorly thought through to the point of almost bizarre and I can't get the short sightedness of future needs.
However, it doesn't sound like you comments will be well received or make any difference. It might however make it easier on you when you can't drop everything to repeatedly come to their aid in the future though to not feel completely guilt ridden. Even though there will be no comfort in being proved right.

SueC_2

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

What is their reason for picking that area? Will they get many visitors?

1. It's cheap.
2. No.

And yes, in reality moving home is completely reversible.

But on the other hand, the older you get the harder it gets, and once they get to the point of any of my concerns being a real issue, are they really going to want, or be able to handle, the upheaval?

Hermia

SueC wrote: »

'.I've broached the subject tentatively, but they didn't thank me for my opinion and appear absolutely set on doing this. "We're not completely decrepit yet you know".

If that has been their reaction I don't think you can do warn them anymore. Could you approach it from a different angle and suggest some things that might make their move a success. For example, "my friend Bob said there is a really great branch of the University of the Third age there".

I think a lot of the issues on that list could be overcome or reversed. I have worked with the elderly and doing something like that can be a bad idea, but also can be the making of some people.

SueC_2

ValHaller wrote: »

While your concerns are valid, perhaps you need to look behind this to see what their concerns are?

Perhaps they have debts? Perhaps they don't like the downsizing options near them?

They don't have debts, they just want the security of money in the bank.

And no, they don't like the downsizing options near them. "Only old people live in bungalows". Eeeeerrrrrrmmmm......... yes.........

SueC_2

pops5588 wrote: »

I understand where you are coming from completely. We were in this situation with my mother's parents. We did speak up in the end. My Mama is the most strong-willed, independent woman that I know and she was hellbent on moving further away to a bigger house but with less land/garden to take care of and we eventually managed to get through to her. She moved much closer to a much smaller property but an area she still knew and nearer to us. Since then my Papa has developed Parkinson's and dementia and my grandmother is so relieved that she stayed in the area and moved nearer to us. We wouldn't have been able to help out anywhere near as much as we currently can.

Oh heck, yes, that's EXACTLY what I'm scared of happening here.

How did you eventually manage to 'get through' to your grandma?

mummyroysof3

How old is elderly btw?

ValHaller

SueC wrote: »

And no, they don't like the downsizing options near them. "Only old people live in bungalows". Eeeeerrrrrrmmmm......... yes.........

Perhaps that makes sense of the larger house? They can move entirely downstairs if they need to?

SueC_2

Person_one wrote: »

Do you think they'd expect you to come running/pick up the pieces if something did go wrong? If so, I'd make it very clear that won't be happening.

Yep - I'm the eldest child and that has always been my 'role'.

Dunroamin

How old are they and how far away are you talking about?