When to speak up, and when to stay diplomatically silent...

SueC_2

A close family member, who I care very much about, is about to make a life-changing decision that won't be reversible. I seriously don't think they've thought it through properly, and will live to regret what they are about to do.

Do I make my point known (which I am certain won't be appreciated), or stay silent?

Voyager2002

You begin by saying "oh, fantastic, well done". Then you ask casually: "I'm sure you've considered X, how do you plan to handle it?". You do not let them know what you think of the decision: you make them aware of the points that you think of as downsides, but in the form of questions.

Orlando_Virgin

SueC wrote: »

A close family member, who I care very much about, is about to make a life-changing decision that won't be reversible. I seriously don't think they've thought it through properly, and will live to regret what they are about to do.

Do I make my point known (which I am certain won't be appreciated), or stay silent?

Personally I would speak up, if you stay silent and they make the decision that turns out bad, you will regret it for a long time. If you speak up, in the right way, even if they don't like it at least you have been honest for the right reasons.

NOSEY - What is the decision!?

aliasojo

Don't stay silent, raise it then drop it if they don't want to listen.

mummyroysof3

Sometimes it's better to keep quiet and let people make their own mistakes....can't think what could be non reverts able though

Person_one

SueC wrote: »

A close family member, who I care very much about, is about to make a life-changing decision that won't be reversible. I seriously don't think they've thought it through properly, and will live to regret what they are about to do.

Do I make my point known (which I am certain won't be appreciated), or stay silent?

Is this person an adult, and reasonably intelligent? Rational? Have you ever felt the need to intervene in their decision making before?

What makes you think they haven't thought it through? Is it possible the fact that you would make a different decision makes it hard for you to understand?

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

Is this person an adult, and reasonably intelligent? Rational? Have you ever felt the need to intervene in their decision making before?

What makes you think they haven't thought it through? Is it possible the fact that you would make a different decision makes it hard for you to understand?

I think most if not all of us have made at least one bad decision in our lifetime, I don't believe anyone ever makes the best decision 100% of the time.

I personally would be more upset if a close family member felt I was doing the wrong thing and said nothing.

Tiglath

It's hard biting your lip, I know. My sister has made appalling decisions all of her life usually about getting involved with and reproducing with losers - sometimes I've spoken up, and sometimes I've stayed quiet. I'm leaning towards staying quiet these days - she's an adult even if her decisions are utterly bizarre and incomprehensible to me. Will you be expected to help pick up the pieces if whatever it is goes wrong?

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

I think most if not all of us have made at least one bad decision in our lifetime, I don't believe anyone ever makes the best decision 100% of the time.

I personally would be more upset if a close family member felt I was doing the wrong thing and said nothing.

Well, its very difficult to say without knowing the specifics.

It could be that the person has thought very very long and hard and searched their soul to make this decision, and the last thing they need are family members interfering!

Or, equally, it could be that somebody is acting out of character and is about to do something that could possibly cause them harm, in which case loving family should try to step in and help.

That's why I asked the questions I did...

Hermia

I would say that you hope it goes well and diplomatically ask them about whether they have a contingency plan. Are you sure they haven't really thought about it? I tend to think things through and research things on my own before I mention anything to other people. If they have only just mentioned this idea don't assume that they haven't been thinking about it for ages.

Before saying it do make sure this is about them and not you. I know from experience that when you make a major decision or do something different to the mainstream so many people claim it will be a disaster. They simply cannot see how it can work.

Hermia

Can you not give us a hint what the decision is (I am very curious!). I can't think there are many decisions that can't be reversed or amended in some way.