please delete

vanessav

People can cope with almost anything - except being lied to. If your wife finds out the truth some time in the future, it will be the deception that hurts more than the stupid sh*g. Then your marriage really will be ruined. So you need to be very, very sure that this will remain a secret. Otherwise, it may be more prudent to tell her and emphasise that you have more than learnt your lesson and how awful the sex was.

SuzieSue

Tropez wrote: »

Could it not be argued that she also does not deserve to be deceived by a man she loves?

From what the OP said, his wife certainly does not deserve to be deceived. But what is the point in putting her and their children through all that trauma when they might never find out. If the OP was a serial adulterer or if he has caught an STI then his wife must be told. If he has just made the biggest mistake of his life, then there is no point in destroying his marriage for the sake of a stupid drunken mistake.

SuzieSue

vanessav wrote: »

People can cope with almost anything - except being lied to.

No, if my OH slept with my sister that would be much worse than being lied to.

gettingbackontrack

SuzieSue wrote: »

From what the OP said, his wife certainly does not deserve to be deceived. But what is the point in putting her and their children through all that trauma when they might never find out. If the OP was a serial adulterer or if he has caught an STI then his wife must be told. If he has just made the biggest mistake of his life, then there is no point in destroying his marriage for the sake of a stupid drunken mistake.

Isn't it his wife's decision re the part in bold?

Shouldn't she decide whether "the biggest mistake of his life" is worth ending her marriage over?

Why is it his decision? He committed adultery - she should have the chance to decide whether that matters or whether it doesn't.

gt568

I can't be @rsed to read what all the self rightous douchebags have written, but for the love of god don't confess to this!!!!!!! You will open a pandoras box that cannot be closed.... You have been warned.

Look at it this way, only the two of you know and both agree that it must be forgotten. It was a mistake that you both made that aren't going to do again, why DESTROY your wifes life??

thegirlintheattic

You need to tell her. If you don't then it will only come out years down the line and cause more issues.

pinkladyof66

The fact that it is the wifes sister may be hard to conceal as she could well get drunk in the future and it all spill out. However I would say to keep stum and not say anything, i would imagine your marriage could well be over if you confess.... We dont know but the wife may never find out.... I sympathise with you op as you really need to do whats best... and no that isnt necessarily whats best for the wife.... However I do hope you make the right decision.... You made a huge mistake and yes if you decide to not tell you will have to live with it but how many other people in this world are doing the same, or have done the same.. and having to live with it you are certainly not the first.

Ruby_woo

OP if you haven't told her yet, have you deleted your browsing history?

Marker_2

I can't even bring myself to read all of this.

All I will say is that you have destroyed everything. Your wife will find out, be it now in 5 years or 10 years time, she will find out. And if she chooses to leave you, you could potentially have robbed her of years of happiness she could have had.

There is the ultimate betrayal, and then there it The Ultimate Betrayal which is what YOU and her sister have done.

You need to tell your wife, if you love her and your little family then you allow her to choose whether to forgive your little mistake or not. Otherwise you will be living a lie, and when she finds out (which she wil) she will also think her life has been a lie. And that my friend, is not fair.

Also until you have told your wife, stay away from the sister.

Tropez

SuzieSue wrote: »

From what the OP said, his wife certainly does not deserve to be deceived. But what is the point in putting her and their children through all that trauma when they might never find out. If the OP was a serial adulterer or if he has caught an STI then his wife must be told. If he has just made the biggest mistake of his life, then there is no point in destroying his marriage for the sake of a stupid drunken mistake.

I think the point would be to ensure that the wife is not an unwitting pawn in an ongoing deception.

If I were in the wife's position I would find it infinitely more despicable and disgusting to hide such a thing from me and try and use the logic that it was in my best interests. My best interests is to be aware of what happened so that I can make any decisions at the time, not play at being happy families while being married to a liar.