Is my relationship worth saving?

tayforth

Another thought: you say that you couldn't afford to rent a pace without selling the house. Could your parents either lend you money to tide you over for a bit, or take you in until the house is sold? Obviously this will depend on distance, whether they have the space etc, but it could be worth asking.

xxx

paulineb_2

weathergurl wrote: »

Yes hoping the legal bod contacts soon as I don't want him ringing my mobile outside of work hours, that wouldn't go down well!

OH won't agree to anything if he doesn't want to...full stop.

I'd be the one who had to move out as it would be too risky to carry on living there.

So therefore I'd be the one trying to pay rent on a new place and mortgage each month. It's not do-able - I don't earn enough.

I've been looking into the joint ownership situation if you're not married and we are both legally responsible for paying the whole amount of mortgage each month. He won't pay anything, it already comes out of my bank account. So I'd have to pay it all. Its worse than I initially thought. I thought if I'd paid my half the bank would just chase him, that's not how it works.

I can't risk ruining my credit rating with a repossession. How would I get a tenancy or mortgage again after that? Womens Aid said because I'm working that even in a refuge I'd have to pay to live there, how could I do that while still trying to pay the mortgage?

I'm struggling to see a way out of it.

And all the time this is going on I'm expected to try and pursuade him to sell up...he won't agree to that. And I can see he'd do everything possible so a sale wouldn't go through, he'd never allow buyers to view the house., he'd scare the cr*p out of them!

Theres always a way. This isnt just about him, its about you as well.

I appreciate you are in a difficult situation but you cannot put your whole life on hold just incase of certain scenarios.

The main issue is your safety and the need to get away from him.

Wol2

weathergurl wrote: »

I have made baby steps forward. In addition to paying all the bills I was also overpaying the mortgage by £50 a month (trying to be MSE). I've put the payment back to normal and set up a standing order for £50 to go into my building soc savings instead as an attempt to build up my emergency fund.

Brilliant news :j:j

I've rung my union's legal helpline about the legalities of splitting and selling the house. They're going to ring me back. I know for a fact OH will make it as difficult as possible to sell in a way to punish me. I feel totally trapped in the situation because of the house and the fact I can't afford to move out without selling it. Hoping the legal advice might help clarify the situation.

:D - sorry you missed them today, see later info below re the house

.

Well done - it may seem like baby steps but actually you are making giant strides and really getting to grips with the practicalities :T

RAS wrote: »

Can I suggest that you reduce the clothes in the car to a lightweight anorak or similar and a pair of old shoes in which you can drive? Enough to keep you decent to outside view when driving?

Leave the spare clothes set at your parents?

I think RAS's suggestion with the clothes is wise- otherwise he might "invite" you to visit the nearest charity shop whilst you're en route to somewhere in the car with him :eek:

If you get the opportunity to log on at/after your parents - and following on from RAS's reply about occupation orders - this guide from Refuge about leaving/staying at home might be helpful - from page 20 to page 22 inclusive. It also explains how you can take out a non-molestation order and enrol in a Sanctuary scheme to enable you to stay in your home....and how having to stay away temporarily does not affect your legal rights to come back and live there in the future.

http://refuge.org.uk/cms_content_refuge/attachments/You%20can%20afford%20%28web%29.pdf

The most important thing to consider if you want to take any type of legal procedings is whether you have enough evidence in the eyes of the Courts to support your application to remove him. Worth discussing with the legal bod when you speak to them next week.

It is always more difficult to prove if you are relying purely on evidence of emotional abuse rather than any past recorded history of physical abuse........so if you haven;t already registered at risk with the police, please please do so as this will count as evidence to support your case.:cool:

Hope you have a great solo time with your parents on sunday and the rest of the time isn't too "stifling".
xxx

Primrose

Do your bank statement go to your house? Is there a risk that your OH would open them and see the reduced/amended mortgage monthly payment and wonder why? Could your arrange for them to be sent to an alternative address?

tayforth

Another excellent post, Wol2. You have been incredibly helpful and provided a great deal of practical advice for weathergurl, and quite possibly for others in the same situation who are reading this thread.

Primrose wrote: »

Do your bank statement go to your house? Is there a risk that your OH would open them and see the reduced/amended mortgage monthly payment and wonder why? Could your arrange for them to be sent to an alternative address?

Good thinking. Or there's the option to go paperless?

Wol2

Polite Bump

I know you cant be here this weekend but just wanted you to know that you are in our thoughts....

xxxx

tayforth

Wol2 wrote: »

Polite Bump

I know you cant be here this weekend but just wanted you to know that you are in our thoughts....

xxxx

Very much so xxx

ailuro2

Good Luck, can't add anything that the lovely folks on here haven't said already.

elisebutt65

Hi weathergurl, just popping on to see if you're ok??

Blackpool_Saver

Hi, I am still here too, keep on keeping on Wethergurl, you WILL escape. I did :-)