Is my relationship worth saving?

Blackpool_Saver

So glad to see you post. None of this can be achieved overnight BUT be sure you can leave very quickly if you need to.

He is trying so hard to wear you down the !!!!!!, keeping you up talking so you are so tired at work you can't think straight. This passive aggressive !!!!! makes me so angry (having lived through it myself)

paulineb_2

Mr_Incredible wrote: »

Your winging sounds rather silly, this is perhaps what seperates marriage fro BF/GF when you get married you said in sickness and in health to have and to hold, where are your values? you have a child together also

You should go to relate and make things work not give up and break up

Have you read the entire thread, before accusing someone of whinging?

Please, you might not agree with everyone on here, but when someone is being clearly abused, these comments arent helpful. At all.

paulineb_2

As for values? What a stupid statement, are people supposed to live in abusive relationships because they've made marriage vows?

Thankfully, its 2013 not 1913 and women have better choices when they are on the receiving end of someone elses abuse.

And if you actually took time to read this entire thread, hes been behaving badly for almost their entire relationship, 25 years!!!!!!!

Mr_Incredible

I haven't read 235 posts no. just the opening post so my comments are based on that.

What abuse has she suffered in summary then?

paulineb_2

Mr_Incredible wrote: »

I haven't read 235 posts no. just the opening post so my comments are based on that.

What abuse has she suffered in summary then?

Im not summarising it for you, if you want to read it all go and read it yourself.

Its pretty clear you hadnt read the entire thread or your comments might have been different.

waccoe_2

Mr_Incredible wrote: »

I haven't read 235 posts no. just the opening post so my comments are based on that.

What abuse has she suffered in summary then?

I can't believe your commented on a thread that you haven't read.

Wol2

Glad to see you back Wg -

I 'm pleased things seem to be settling down at home and completely sympathise with the two hour lectures late at night on all your "failings". I'm pleased to hear you are not taking them to heart.

You are taking control of your situation and making steps forwards and finding out information on options. You now have a back-up plan in place if things do get nasty but I can understand you preferring to make a more dignified and controlled exit from the relationship if that is possible. You need to be aware that this will only happen if he decides he is willing to "let you go"

I'm sorry that your mortgage company may not be co-operative and that you feel so trapped. Please don;t give up.

Pleased to see you are already putting together spreadsheets etc on the finances and that you feel this is doable.

What is your favoured option atm?
From your previous posts I am assuming you are exploring the possibility of obtaining an occupation order, force the sale and then putting the house on the market? The occupation order is because you don;t want him staying in the property whilst you get it ready for sale.....and that you wouldn't want to remain in the house because you wouldn;t feel safe so you also need to find somewhere to live in the meantime?

What are the timelines you have been given for the legal stuff?

Some suggestions:
Have you considered the possibility of obtaining a non-molestation order in addition to the occupation order and registering the property as part of any Sanctuary scheme that may be operating in your area? The scheme gives advice and helps make the house more secure and installs alarms etc That might be sufficient for you to feel able to return to the house until it is sold?

As you are looking to put the property up for sale - will there be any equity for you to buy your own home in the future? Some Housing Associations offer shared ownership schemes.....

Your Local Authority (council) housing department have a legal duty to provide you with advice about finding somewhere to live if you are homeless because of domestic violence - and they should also provide temporary accommodation for you. They may also be able to point you towards Local Housing Associations

The great thing about MSE is the huge breadth and depth of experience from the lovely people on here. Although you have contacted the mortgage company and your legal bod - it may be that people here can offer other alternatives/information that will help you to realise your goals are do-able and you are not trapped.

Please keep moving towards your desired aims and don;t give up!

xxxx

weathergurl

Thank you all, even Mr Incredible because when I read your post I thought of the ridiculousness of the situation, I'm far too afraid of his reaction to suggest we go to Relate...if that's not a bit fat warning sign that things aren't right, then I don't know what is.

Wol2 you put into calm and sensible words what I'm feeling & going though and lay it out so it makes sense to my fuddled an overloaded brain, thank you so much.

I still wouldn't feel safe in the house even if he had to leave it, I'd rather he didn't know where I was. The lawyer told me about the occupation order & conduct of sale as a way of making him leave the house if he makes it awkward to sell. I can't imagine an estate agent daring to show someone round if he's in one of his moods. :eek:

Depending on how much the legal fees are then yes there might be some equity left and I'd like to buy my own place if I could. The lawyer said 2 to 3 months for the occupation order etc depending on how much OH wanted to make it difficult, and then obviously time to sell the house too.

JustinCredibleGillespie

Mr_Incredible wrote: »

Your winging sounds rather silly, this is perhaps what seperates marriage fro BF/GF when you get married you said in sickness and in health to have and to hold, where are your values? you have a child together also

You should go to relate and make things work not give up and break up

OMG! How insensitive!

Absolutely disgraceful.

JCG

Blackpool_Saver

I think we have a troll, don't feed it.