Is my relationship worth saving?

weathergurl

Thanks you Ras, I've written your points down.

I'm keeping lots of notes (at work) as my brain is totally overloaded at the mo.

Will have a read about occupation orders as not sure what they are.

RAS

An occupation order requires him to leave the house so you can move in.

Even if you do not want to move in, you will want the house clear of him so you can make it look good and the estate agents can take people round.

weathergurl

RAS wrote: »

Please do not ask your provide this now in case but you could start researching some info.

You need to find out how much of your current payment is interest and how much is capital. Your mortgage provider may well agree to let you go interest only?

Also look at the terms and conditins and see if you can get a 6 months payment holiday? Even if it isn't in the T&Cs they may well co-operate once you explain the situation.

Neither of these would damage your credit rating.

Sounds like you are going to need an occupation order and a order to sell so talk to the legal bod about those. Make sure they realise it is a DV situation.

Interest only and payment holiday are worth investigating but do you think he could find out that I'd rung the bank and asked them? They might let something slip, they always send all mortgage letters with his name first and mine second, even though I make the payments and I'm first alphabetically.

RAS

Hi

That is why I said do not ask them now. Too risky.

You should get an annual statement? Does this indicate how much equity you have and what amount of the current payment is capital and how much is interest?

Ditto, try and find the terms and conditions of the mortgage which should have been sent to you anyway. That will indicate if they offer a payment holiday as part of the package.

weathergurl

RAS wrote: »

An occupation order requires him to leave the house so you can move in.

Even if you do not want to move in, you will want the house clear of him so you can make it look good and the estate agents can take people round.

Oh my, yes please that would be the best solution. :T
No way would I live there as I wouldn't feel safe him knowing where I was after forcing him to leave.

It would feel better to him if he thought we both had to move out.

I could then get it sorted to sell.

weathergurl

RAS wrote: »

Hi

That is why I said do not ask them now. Too risky.

You should get an annual statement? Does this indicate how much equity you have and what amount of the current payment is capital and how much is interest?

Ditto, try and find the terms and conditions of the mortgage which should have been sent to you anyway. That will indicate if they offer a payment holiday as part of the package.

Thanks I'll try and find the info out.

Sods law the legal bod just rang my mobile while I was on the phone at work to a client. Seriously I'm starting to think I must have done something horrendous in a previous life.

I've rung back but he's left the office until Monday morning. Hopefully I can get hold of him then, and it gives me a chance to try and write down everything I want to ask him in light of the new info I've got here today, thanks all x

RAS

weathergurl wrote: »

Thanks I'll try and find the info out.

Sods law the legal bod just rang my mobile while I was on the phone at work to a client. Seriously I'm starting to think I must have done something horrendous in a previous life.

I've rung back but he's left the office until Monday morning. Hopefully I can get hold of him then, and it gives me a chance to try and write down everything I want to ask him in light of the new info I've got here today, thanks all x

Keep safe over the weekend; appreciate there is pretty much no chance of you reporting in.

As I suggested before; try a little light "spring cleaning" if you do not feel to tired. Even if it is going through paperwork?

Or maybe sorting your clothing drawers into stuff you want to take and stuff that does not matter too much (so you can walk in with a black bin liner and just empty one drawer
instead of having to sort things out if you decide to go quickly).

weathergurl

Thank you Ras, yes I will do. I've already got some emergency clothes in my car boot in a carrier bag, he spotted in the other day and asked what it was but I said it was for the charity shop.

I'm hoping to get a few hours relief at my parents on Sunday for Fathers Day.

tayforth

weathergurl wrote: »

Thank you Tayforth, he was going over all the 'wrongs' that people have done to him and also to me over the years and how it's me and him against the world.

Despite the fact I don't actually care that someone may have spoken disrespectfully to me 10 years ago, who apart from him holds a grudge that long?! Looking at it now it was a way to get my friends out of our life, sometimes friends say daft and stupid things but they're human and one off's like that aren't worth losing a friendship over...only I have as it was too difficult to fight against his wishes.

The bit in bold really bothers me.

Re the legal bod, is there anyone else you can speak to between now and Monday? WA, CAB etc?

Re the house, it really would be best if you could get an occupation order and/or an order for sale. I appreciate that you don't want to stay the as he'd know where you are, but equally you don't want him squatting in the place.

Definitely a good idea to look at the mortgage T&Cs over the weekend. Also, you could ring them up without disclosing your name, and ask as a general enquiry whether IO or a payment holiday would be possible.

Could you also bring a few more things to work or to a friend's house, so that when you do leave, you have less to bring with you?

Edited: just saw your post #199. Are you going to your parents' house alone?

RAS

weathergurl wrote: »

I've already got some emergency clothes in my car boot in a carrier bag, he spotted in the other day and asked what it was but I said it was for the charity shop.

Can I suggest that you reduce the clothes in the car to a lightweight anorak or similar and a pair of old shoes in which you can drive? Enough to keep you decent to outside view when driving?

Leave the spare clothes set at your parents?