Is my relationship worth saving?

dude0nvacation

Have you tried to open up your feelings about this matter with your boy friend?

In relationships, it's always better for both parties to be open with each other especially in regard with their feelings towards one another. It is really important for him to know what you feel toward the situation. Maybe set up the mood first before digging deeper into the issue. Cook his favourite meal and drink a couple of your favourite alcoholic beverage and mildly, gently open up. Communication is the key to a great and happy relationship.

Also, make sure once you are into the talking thing with your boyfriend, that you must be calm as you can be and tell him that you would like things to work out and always remind him that you love him.

Good luck!

paulineb_2

dude0nvacation wrote: »

Have you tried to open up your feelings about this matter with your boy friend?

In relationships, it's always better for both parties to be open with each other especially in regard with their feelings towards one another. It is really important for him to know what you feel toward the situation. Maybe set up the mood first before digging deeper into the issue. Cook his favourite meal and drink a couple of your favourite alcoholic beverage and mildly, gently open up. Communication is the key to a great and happy relationship.

Also, make sure once you are into the talking thing with your boyfriend, that you must be calm as you can be and tell him that you would like things to work out and always remind him that you love him.

Good luck!

Have you actually read how this woman is treated by her partner before you made that post?

weathergurl

Oh MSE'ers I am truly overwhelmed by your concern and wonderful support.

Wol2 your post and help has made me fell that I'm not a worthless and wasting everyones time with my petty tales of woe.

I'm couldn't manage to get online at all over the weekend, after BF had ranted and raved it followed the familiar pattern that everything is all right now and I'm just being silly and carrying it on, if I don't come round to his way of thinking.

I haven't had space to breathe at all, he has followed me around constantly all weekend telling me how he will change, and be the best partner in the world and making bizarre plans for holidays?! He's cooked meals and fixed lots of things in the house. Is he really trying or what? My head can't cope with the rollercoaster. I am actually going mad, did I imagine the other night I sat on the floor in dispair?

I went to see Womens Aid yesterday and the lady was so very lovely. She has made a plan of action for me, given me practical help (echoed very much what Wol2 said) on how to keep safe if it all kicks off again. I too was quite shocked that the WA worker on the phone advised me on Friday to stay and act normal but the women at the drop in centre took my concerns very seriously.

She made a case file so there's trail, she's organising an outreach worker to help me make decisions. And gave me the number of a couple of solicitors. She said it will be very difficult to make these decisions, for 27 years I've lived in this and to me it's normal...but I have to remember that this isn't normal.

She did say I should get an emergency fund together as unless I'm fleeing to a refuge in immediate danger I'd be better off renting privately, as t could take a few months for the council to rehouse me if need be. I've got the number of a refuge in case I need it.

She was very non judgemental, after I explained everything she said it is abuse, it's not a normal relationship and I can get through it. I needed to hear those words from someone face to face.She said I looked overwhelmed, I was totally shellshocked and not sure how much of it all I took in, we talked for over an hour but I can't remember all of it. I've got her number and she's going to call while I'm at work in a couple of days.

weathergurl

dude0nvacation wrote: »

Have you tried to open up your feelings about this matter with your boy friend?

In relationships, it's always better for both parties to be open with each other especially in regard with their feelings towards one another. It is really important for him to know what you feel toward the situation. Maybe set up the mood first before digging deeper into the issue. Cook his favourite meal and drink a couple of your favourite alcoholic beverage and mildly, gently open up. Communication is the key to a great and happy relationship.

Also, make sure once you are into the talking thing with your boyfriend, that you must be calm as you can be and tell him that you would like things to work out and always remind him that you love him.

Good luck!

I'm sorry, but I'm at the end of my tether so perhaps I'm being a bit short with you, but I'm not sure you've actually read what I've said?

You know what....you try talking calmly with someone who weighs twice what you do while they're stood over you in a raving fit.

The best you can do in that situation is to agree to anything they say and hope you come out of it in one piece.

I've been desperate for a drink to calm my nerves but haven't because I need my wits about me and might need to drive my car at 3am. I don't think pouring alcohol on this volatile situation would help.

My fone and car keys are clamped to my side at all times in case I need to escape. I have a change of clothes hidden under the spare wheel in the car because I was barefoot in my PJ's when I thought I might have to flee the house the other night.

"Communication is the key to a great and happy relationship" this is so easy to say but so hard to do when the person you're communicating with allows only their point of view, I've learnt not to express a different point of view or risk facing a punishment.

msb5262

weathergurl wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I'm at the end of my tether so perhaps I'm being a bit short with you, but I'm not sure you've actually read what I've said?

You know what....you try talking calmly with someone who weighs twice what you do while they're stood over you in a raving fit.

The best you can do in that situation is to agree to anything they say and hope you come out of it in one piece.

I've been desperate for a drink to calm my nerves but haven't because I need my wits about me and might need to drive my car at 3am. I don't think pouring alcohol on this volatile situation would help.

My fone and car keys are clamped to my side at all times in case I need to escape. I have a change of clothes hidden under the spare wheel in the car because I was barefoot in my PJ's when I thought I might have to flee the house the other night.

"Communication is the key to a great and happy relationship" this is so easy to say but so hard to do when the person you're communicating with allows only their point of view, I've learnt not to express a different point of view or risk facing a punishment.

I can't believe you've been so reasonable and polite in response to a post which implied you've just not handled your partner very well. I would have lost my temper. You must be a lovely person, weathergurl.

I'm so glad you've got some support from WA. Please keep us posted...

MsB x

are_u_me

I am so glad you got in touch with WA and can now see the truth about your relationship. I know exactly how you are feeling. It is a massive shock and you wonder how you didn't see it before.

weathergurl

I feel so angry with myself for not doing something years ago, how could I bring DD up in this environment? I'm so utterly ashamed I didn't leave when he pushed her over

I told WA I feel so stupid for being such a doormat, but she said it's all I've ever known since 17, that even a stone wears away with constant chipping, so no wonder my perception of what's normal is skewed after 25 years.

weathergurl

msb5262 wrote: »

I can't believe you've been so reasonable and polite in response to a post which implied you've just not handled your partner very well. I would have lost my temper. You must be a lovely person, weathergurl.

I'm so glad you've got some support from WA. Please keep us posted...

MsB x

I re-wrote that post a few times because I thought I was being too harsh, good grief I need to toughen up!

spirit

weathergurl wrote: »

I feel so angry with myself for not doing something years ago, how could I bring DD up in this environment? I'm so utterly ashamed I didn't leave when he pushed her over

I told WA I feel so stupid for being such a doormat, but she said it's all I've ever known since 17, that even a stone wears away with constant chipping, so no wonder my perception of what's normal is skewed after 25 years.

don't please beat yourself up, what's past is past. You've 'seen the light' now and thankfully you are getting the support you need. Also ignore glib comments from trolling posters, you don't need that right now.

:A

are_u_me

Hi weathergurl. Please don't be angry with yourself. None of this is your fault. WA is right. It was "normal" for me too. Remember WA could help your DD recover too. They offer all kinds of support and counselling.