Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

aliasojo

janninew wrote: »

but I dislike the many assumptions being made that she is whiter than white and he is the controlling, bitter ex husband.

Are people doing that?

I dont think so.

The vast majority here have only offered reasons why she might have lied. That's not the same thing as assuming she's 'whiter than white', nor excusing her lying or being on 'her' side. The OP was quick to condemn and want retribution, some of us were trying to get him to consider all possible aspects.

I think both the OP and his ex just simply don't have a good relationship.

janninew

aliasojo wrote: »

Are people doing that?

I dont think so.

The vast majority here have only offered reasons why she might have lied. That's not the same thing as assuming she's 'whiter than white', nor excusing her lying or being on 'her' side. The OP was quick to condemn and want retribution, some of us were trying to get him to consider all possible aspects.

I think both the OP and his ex just simply don't have a good relationship.

You don't think so, I do! We all read things differently as has been shown on this thread!

The comments we've had about him being a stalker and the no wonder she is marrying somebody else haven't been that pleasant and are jumping to massive conclusions. We get other assumptions that Mum just wants to enjoy her wedding and not have the OP ruin it and then she will merrily take the children on to Disney! All we know is what the OP has said, he's been given incorrect details about where the children are and they aren't in Disney where they are supposed to be. The rest seems to be massive assumptions being made.

Calien27

I don't see anyone painting her to be an angel, most posters who have replied don't agree with her lying but are simply offering reasons for why she might have done it.

There are two sides to every story and we only have a small part of the OP's version of things, which tbh he typed when he was probably annoyed/angry with the ex so could be missing some details that would makes things a little clearer and clear up some of the speculation about...well pretty much everything.

Saying stuff like that he could care less if she got hit by a bus didn't do him any favors though.

KxMx

I am sure he isn't the first to make an inappropriate remark about an ex in the heat of the moment, nor will he be the last.

You said yourself he was probably annoyed/angry when he typed yet you make no allowances for that because you castigate him for remarks in the next sentence!

thegirlintheattic

Calien27 wrote: »

It's not just you lol, five whole days at Disney would be a nightmare for me. One day is fine with four days of doing other things, five days is just :eek::rotfl:

I think many people with kids do spend at least several days. Even just one park is MASSIVE and can't be done justice in a day. It's a lot different than the theme parks in the UK.

I'm more surprised they are going to the US for only 5 days. You loose two of those days to travelling so it all seems pretty tight, even with just a Vegas wedding.

Calien27

Simply offering an opinion as to why the OP isn't being seen in the best way.

He's free to sl@g his ex off all he want's if he chooses to, but trying to be seen as a reasonable but worried parent and then saying the mother could get hit by a bus and he wouldn't care..not really going to turn the tide to be in his favor.

Neither the ex or the OP come across too well in this thread. The ex for lying (for whatever reason) and the OP for painting himself as a control freak, what with wanting to involve the police, a solicitor and giving the ex a stern talking to like she's some naughty child. It's (apparently) five days in Vegas instead of Orlando like she told him, it's not really something to get so worked up over that you want to contact the police to see if she has broken any laws.


Even if she has a history of lying, the OP still over reacted. The kids are with mum and probably other family who are there for the wedding, they're as safe over there as they would be back at home. They aren't out on their own walking the streets of Vegas.

thegirlintheattic

Just a thought in case the OP is reading but not replying.

Think about what is important when you speak to your ex in the end. The lying is not the main problem, the main concern is that you feel you would not know where they were in an emergency. Focus on that and agree a plan of action for the future. The simplest thing would just be to tell each other where the kids are and leave a contact number but if your ex doesn't feel comfortable with that, perhaps a mutual friend/close relative could hold the details of where exactly they are and how to contact them, and be given instructions to tell you those details in a real emergency.

Calien27

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

Just a thought in case the OP is reading but not replying.

Think about what is important when you speak to your ex in the end. The lying is not the main problem, the main concern is that you feel you would not know where they were in an emergency. Focus on that and agree a plan of action for the future. The simplest thing would just be to tell each other where the kids are and leave a contact number but if your ex doesn't feel comfortable with that, perhaps a mutual friend/close relative could hold the details of where exactly they are and how to contact them, and be given instructions to tell you those details in a real emergency.

Now that is very good advice!! :T

Leaving details with a neutral friend or relative in future is probably the best way to prevent any problems with future travel plans.

Calien27

For what it's worth, I do hope the OP manages to speak to the kids or at least get a message from them whilst they are away, even if it's them just saying they're having a fab time

They'll be back soon enough and be telling him all about their holiday, where they went, what they did etc.

janninew

Calien27 wrote: »

Now that is very good advice!! :T

Leaving details with a neutral friend or relative in future is probably the best way to prevent any problems with future travel plans.

And not telling porkies might help as well!