Feeling disgusted and upset

marisco_2

It was rude of this lady to blank you and your daughter during the playgroup session and then to speak to you as she did. As you quite rightly recognise she would have got far further by being pleasant to you and asking you politely for some assistance. That she didn't do this is her failing and shows her up not you. When you mentioned what had gone on to your husband he phoned her and addressed this. So he did back your corner and it would have become clear to her, that how she behaved was unacceptable and would not be put up with. It is unlikely that she will do this to you again. I should think when you next go back she will be polite and keep a low profile.

You are in control of how much others actions and comments effect how you feel in all situations in life. Dont lay so much importance to the behaviour of someone lacking in basic manners and social skills. They are her problems to deal with not yours OP. Rise above it all and be the bigger person. Do go back to the playgroup and enjoy mixing with the other mums there, who have the maturity to be pleasant to you and want to spend time with you. Your daughter will benefit from all the interaction with the other children too.

Chin up OP, if you think this is bad wait until you are dealing with all the odd and clicky relationships that go on outside school gates. Something I avoid like the plague, thank god for breakkie and after school clubs. They can be a veritable minefield for some parents. This is all good training for it

valk_scot

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you stay back and help clear up after the session? Do you ever?

I do think you're sounding extremly childish tbh. Either you say something at the time or you ignore it completely tbh, you don't sulk over it for days then stamp your foot, get your OH to contact her and then decide not to take your child back. I personally think the best response at the time would have been to turn back and say "Ooops, sorry, didn't realise, do you need a hand to clear up?" Even if she did say it in a nasty way (and she was probably just frustrated that few folk were helping) then you'd instantly have the moral high ground. Instead you're just making yourself look a bit pathetic tbh.

firesidemaid

Remember, ignore bad behaviour, ie. don't waste your time on the comment made in whatever context it was meant.

go back again with your daughter and make sure you speak to lots of people including her in a friendly manner.

if you are there at the end, then offer to or just start helping to clear up.

Make sure sure behaviour is something your daughter can be proud of.

BitterAndTwisted

Hushpuppie wrote: »

yes and he should have suitable people running it if your was blanked it wouldnt bother u??? or being shouted at infront of ur child? u need help not me

I'm not saying that it wouldn't bother me because it would. It's just that you have no control over how this woman behaves towards you but you do have control over how you respond to it. Telling your OH not to take your child to the playgroup which he was involved in setting up is petulant and childish. And now you've got him to text her on your behalf about something that he wasn't even a witness to! That's more like a five year old telling teacher than it is a grown woman who should be able to try and resolve conflict without appearing deranged.

There are ways and means of dealing with unsympathetic and rude people but acting as you have is not one of them.

Hushpuppie_2

barbarawright wrote: »

Are you 100% certain, hand on heart that the woman was being sarcastic and rude? You admit you weren't feeling well anyway - maybe she was having a bad day too. Maybe your husband had assured her you were going to join the committee and she was counting on a bit of extra help. Maybe you just misinterpreted her tone. Maybe she knew were new in town and wanted to draw you into a new social grouping. Seriously - I would say nothing, go to playgroup and be nice to her and it hopefully will blow over. It seems foolish to throw away a chance of social interaction when you're in a new town and tied with small kids.

im 200% sure because i didnt help as there were plenty helping and its been going for a month she knows im not on commitee my husband didnt assure her as he knew i was unwell and may not of gone yday

DevilsAdvocate1

Sometimes when you're running a group you are so busy you can come across as blanking people when you are just trying to get things done.

I run a parent and toddler group. A couple of years ago a women, who attended the group every now and then, arrived. No one else had arrived to help and I was busy setting up the tables, getting out the climbing frame and then some boxes of toys. She sat at a table with her daughter doing jigsaw puzzles and there was no offer of help. This was quite early on and there were only 4 or 5 adults present. I did not speak to anyone as I was focused on getting set up. I like to get the big things out before the room gets too full.

I decided I would go and get the last box out before going over to chat to her. I went down to the toy cupboard to get it and went I returned she had gone. She never came back. I heard through a friend that I had blanked her and made her feel unwelcome. I was sorry that she felt like this, but I was focused on setting up the room before people arrived. I would have said "Hello" if she had made eye contact, but she didn't.

So try to look at it from her side too. She might be horrified that you think she blanked you, I know I was. I have also said "Thanks for helping" as people leave, usually to those who have helped. However, I have made a mistake before and said it to someone who hadn't helped, luckily I don't think she took offence as she still comes!

Goldiegirl

I'm just wondering if the OP is a bit sensitive about not being on the committee.

As the husband set it up, maybe, subconsciously, she feels a bit guilty about not being a committee member, and is over sensitive about any comment.

I think the best thing to do would be to speak to the teacher next time she's there, and clarify exactly what both parties are expecting from each other.

kjmtidea

Yes it was rude and uncalled for but there are many people out there and i'm sure this won't be the last one you come across. For your own sanity you need to either speak to her about it or move on and leave it be.

I really don't think it is ok for you to be telling your husband where he can and cannot take his daughter, he helped set up the group - of course he should take her there!

FBaby

Is this a voluntary play group or do people have to pay for their child? If so, do you pay? If not and it is run by all parents helping out, why do you think you shouldn't have to help too?

I think you need to reflect on this rather than getting on your high horse. Her comment was clearly the reflection that she feels you are not pulling her weight when others are. Does she have a point? Are you taking the attitude that because your husband set it up, you shouldn't have to do anything to help the running of it?

Your response to her comment was very childish. Why couldn't you just respond 'oh I'm very sorry, I wasn't thinking and realised how busy you were, how can I help'.She would probably have apologised then, said she was just a bit under pressure and your help would indeed be greatly appreciated. End of the issue.

mrcow

You need to pick up your toys and put them back into the pram.

And grow up.

Of course you can go back. Just ignore any stupid comments. Rise above it and keep your dignity.

At the moment, you are at serious risk of losing any that you may have!

And stop treating your OH like he's some sort of child who can't make decisions for himself! If he wants to take his own child to a play group, that's his call. Just because you're spitting your dummy out, doesn't mean that everyone else has to change their plans.