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How can I fix this?
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I just want to explain to him. Yes I have been a nightmare to live with, yes I have said nasty things. I couldn't help my pnd, which was truly awful. But I can't be someone but me. I have got to the stage I hate myself as much as he does. I have no confidence, and I'm turning into a bitter woman with no patience.
The best part of my day is going to bed. Where I don't have to act constantly.
Maybe with the right person he wouldn't behave the way he does, but I'm now thinking that person can never be me. I was never what he wanted.
What a mess
You certainly can't be anyone but you, nor should you ever have to be. And not being what he wanted is not your fault.
You have nothing to explain - he has made you feel like you do. If you feel like you must explain, write a nice long letter. Then you can either let him read it, or burn it.
:grouphug: have a dodgy hug, we haven't given anyone one of those for a while!
HBS x"I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."
"It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."
#Bremainer0 -
I just want to explain to him. Yes I have been a nightmare to live with, yes I have said nasty things. I couldn't help my pnd, which was truly awful. But I can't be someone but me. I have got to the stage I hate myself as much as he does. I have no confidence, and I'm turning into a bitter woman with no patience.
The best part of my day is going to bed. Where I don't have to act constantly.
Maybe with the right person he wouldn't behave the way he does, but I'm now thinking that person can never be me. I was never what he wanted.
What a mess
It doesnt matter how he would behave with someone else, thats not your worry or concern.
A mess, yes, but not a mess of your making and a mess that can be sorted.
Thousands of people, millions in fact will go through what you are, you just dont see it when its happening to you.
People get out, move on, make new lives for themselves. It can be done.0 -
Explain what ?
Is there anything you are going to say that you have not said before ?The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
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Well I got the email response. I don't see anything about being sorry , or admitting his behaviour. It's about what he wants to be allowed to do without me being paranoid.
So again I'm sitting here in tears, this will never change
Send him another one asking him to find somewhere else to live and that your relationship is over.
You have to take control or put up with a lifetime of abuse.0 -
So again I'm sitting here in tears, this will never change
Of course it will.
Take control of your life - he does NOT control you. Only you are in charge of you.
Be strong hun.
HBS x"I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."
"It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."
#Bremainer0 -
Well I got the email response. I don't see anything about being sorry , or admitting his behaviour. It's about what he wants to be allowed to do without me being paranoid.
So again I'm sitting here in tears, this will never change
Ring an emergency locksmith & get the locks changed front & back before he comes home.
Have his stuff packed & ready for him to take away.Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.0 -
Darling, now that you've sent that email I fear that his response to it when he gets home might not be what you are expecting or hoping for. I implore you to have someone else there with you when he returns.
I fear there will be no attempt at understanding but more recriminations, more blame, more abuse.
ETA: Of course it's all about him. It was obvious to an outsider that this was going to be the consequence, and we don't even know him!0 -
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