How can I fix this?

Anon34

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Anon34

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balletshoes

Anon34 wrote: »

My worry is , my own insecurities ( I have many I didn't have a particularly happy childhood and my parents, well probably shouldn't have been parents) I worry my insecurities are the cause of my now 2 relationships where I was treated in much the same way.

Maybe I do push people away and cause them to look elsewhere.

However, I'm still not over the photo incident, this for some reason worries me more than the emails, texts, or photo swapping I know he has done in the past.

theres no reason you should be over the photo incident - how many times do you need to be told by people who don't know either you or your OH that his behaviour is seriously creepy?

balletshoes

Anon34 wrote: »

This is the reason I starts counselling on my own, I noticed him say things to my eldest, your turning into a nasty little liar like your mother, or your as mental as your mother is...

I want the best for both my girls

why is he still in your house? Why were those instances not the trigger for kicking his disrespectful manipulating a**e out the door with all his belongings?

You do realise what he's saying to your daughter is mental abuse, yes? And still you don't think the best thing for all of you is for you and your OH to separate?

Anon34

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chonorla

Anon34 wrote: »

It's a rollercoaster, up one minute down the next. My eldest daughter ( from previous bad relationship) doesn't get on with him. She's well aware of the arguing and is forever being told by me just to say nothing, as if she starts arguing with him and I don't side with him it's ww3 when they the kids are in bed.( she can be a cheeky madam!!)

(

balletshoes I agree with you totally.

This makes me so sad I grew up with an abusive father and I cannot tell you the amount of long term damage it has done to me. Your girls are living this hell too and yet still you do not see the damage it is doing, particularly to them.

"Telling" your daughter to not argue because she is "a cheeky madam" ??????? His behaviour is excused again, even towards your daughter.

I seriously hope you find a way out of this x

Anon34

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heartbreak_star

OP, I feel so sorry for you and at the same time am angry with you! How many times do you have to be told (and from how many people) it isn't you?? I've been in an abusive relationship too and you really have to start listening to the majority and not to the evil git you're with.

If this was happening to your daughter, what would you tell her to do?

Now do it.

Stop excusing everything he does, because that's what you're doing. Get out of this toxic relationship and find someone who loves you for who you are and not for what he wants you to be (or rather is holding a standard you can never live up to).

EDIT: Read your last post...you want your daughter to have a family? This ISN'T a family. At the moment she's growing up learning it's OK for her mum to be walked on.

Good luck.

HBS x

Anon34

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paulineb_2

balletshoes wrote: »

why is he still in your house? Why were those instances not the trigger for kicking his disrespectful manipulating a**e out the door with all his belongings?

You do realise what he's saying to your daughter is mental abuse, yes? And still you don't think the best thing for all of you is for you and your OH to separate?

Its not easy being in an abusive relationship. People get so ground down mentally that they cannot get up the courage to leave.
It took my mum two years to get my stepdad out. In those days there were much less support for victims of domestic abuse as domestics were seen as just that, even by the police.

I would be very wary of criticising the OP for not having managed to make the break by now (and Im saying this generally, to everyone who reads this). Sometimes when people are being abused over and over, that is their reality and they actually dont realise the extent they are being abused, bullied, manipulated, particularly if the person giving out the abuse comes over as lovely and charming to everyone else.

People who say (and Im now talking in general), one wrong move and Id be out the door, often havent experienced it themselves.