Parents favouring my sister

go_cat

Is it that your sister asks for more support, I.e can you babysit.....we have seen a piece of furniture we can't afford etc

I have this with my mum and my brother and his children favoured over me my DH And our son however I am very independent and make my own decisions whereas my brother involves mum more so I guess she feels closer to him. Also growing up To the age lf about 6 i was shall we say a challenge and I don't think she has "forgiven " me for that ( i am now 38 )

It sometimes really gets to me and then the rest of the time I think life's too short to try and change someone

butterflylady

I can completely understand how u feel and I have no siblings!!

From when I was little my mum made it clear that she had wanted a son not a daughter!! Not really sure what difference it would have made I'm a Tom boy who loves sport but that wasn't enough, after years of being accepted, mum met my lovely step dad who had 2 sons and since that day I haven't had a look in, she's fully taken on the role of grandma to their children, which I have no problem with but barely sees mine, spent hours telling me how much my step brothers have achieved, there 20 years older than me I'd expect them to have achieved more, tho they have both received financial help, up to the point my step dad past away one of them was receiving between £500 and £1000 a month!!

I've received in total £3,300 which was jewellery my dad gave to my mum, which I sold to buy my violent ex out of the house!!

In recent months she excelled herself by choosing to maintain a relationship with my ex even tho I've asked her not too and pointed out what he did to me!! She's met my new partner twice (??) and my step son once, she actually refuses to acknowledge my step son!! Even tho she took on my step brothers and their children and I've been expected to do the same and I have happily done so!!

I'm now 13 weeks pregnant with a surprise baby which she nos about abd hasn't acknowledged, well apart from telling my violent ex even tho I asked her not to.

My answer has been to cut her out, she has contact with the kids every 4-6 weeks but there not even that bothered about seeing her!!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

pops5588 wrote: »

With all due respect, this sounds like the opinion of someone who has not been through this kind of experience. And if that is the case then i'm glad for you that you haven't, because it is actually a very big deal.

Everything we experience in terms of behaviour and treatment during our younger years (whether it be by our parents/teachers/carers etc.) forms our core beliefs about ourselves as well as other people, and we carry those core beliefs with us for the rest of our lives. They affect your self-esteem, self-worth, capacity to love and trust just to name a few.

I agree with your point that the OP needs to also consider her children and what impact the removal of the g/parents would have on them.

On the contrary, I do know exactly what is like. I have a brother and a sister who make the sun rise in the morning and the birds sing in the trees. I also have two other brothers who know exactly what the woman is like when there's nobody watching.

Mind you, Her version of preferring some children over others extended to regular batterings and threats, not babysitting duties.

bagpussbear

OP I wonder if you could speak to your sister how you are feeling, as you seem close, and see if she could speak to your mum and dad and get them to see they aren't being fair?

System

bagpussbear wrote: »

OP I wonder if you could speak to your sister how you are feeling, as you seem close, and see if she could speak to your mum and dad and get them to see they aren't being fair?

If she is anything like my bro he would be too scared to rock the boat in case the handouts stop.

meritaten

OP have you ever read about Narcissists? sounds to me like one or both of your parents is a Narcissist. There have been some excellent threads on here which may help you - and if you goggle 'Narcissistic personality' there are an amazing amount of links out there! Saying that - I have seen how hurtful it is to be the 'Scapegoat' child! I do feel for you and think the only way to survive parents like these is to minimise contact or cut them out altogether.

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

On the contrary, I do know exactly what is like. I have a brother and a sister who make the sun rise in the morning and the birds sing in the trees. I also have two other brothers who know exactly what the woman is like when there's nobody watching.

Mind you, Her version of preferring some children over others extended to regular batterings and threats, not babysitting duties.

Having read other posts about your mum and your childhood, I really don't understand why you of all people would take the 'any nanny better than no nanny, at least she visits sometimes' attitude.

I also don't think its fair to minimise other people's hurtful experiences because they weren't beaten. Physical damage isn't the only kind that counts.

Sneezy

One or more of you could be talking about our family...

My mum is one of 5 and has been treated unfavourably by my grandparents all her life (with her younger brother being the golden child - she's 4/5).

To the extent now where the house abroad is being left to the golden child and his wife/child and the house in England is being left to my Auntie and Uncle (who don't have children). My mum is getting nothing...

My mum hasn't cut ties (and we haven't either as no matter what happens they are still family).

ETA I should point out that we lost my nice Grandad earlier this year - the first weekend we went to see my mums parents after he died my other grandad was very quick to say some hurtful things (and had me in tears) - something that he would never do to my cousin if it was someone important to them (up until then all four of our grandparents were still alive).

victory

[QUOTE=Person_one;6137520

I also don't think its fair to minimise other people's hurtful experiences because they weren't beaten. Physical damage isn't the only kind that counts.[/QUOTE]

Mental , mind torture abuse is just as bad ,it is debilitating, long lasting and scarring

Counting_Pennies_2

Mine were the same, in terms of emotions. But if they had money I fear they too would be the same.

I ended up moving over 80 miles away when we had the chance for my husbands job relocation and it was the best thing I ever did.

I got away from the suffocating and unfairness that existed.

If you want to make a stand, personally I would print out what you wrote and give it to your mum, and say that you don't feel you and your children are fairly treated.