Parents favouring my sister

dukeboxx

Is it possible that your antagonise to them creates a barrier, would being nicer to them help do you think?

pops5588

OP, I don't think that you will ever find peace with this until you accept that it is not YOU. It is THEM. There is nothing wrong with you, it is their issue. You will never get closure on the situation if you always seek to find reasons why this has happened, because they clearly can't be reasoned with.

I would be interested to know whether you are the older sibling? I am the oldest of two, and my sister was favoured hugely by my father. I do not speak to him now. People underestimate how damaging this type of behaviour can be, but it sounds like you persevered despite it and have a wonderful family that you support 100% yourself. You can hold your head up about that.

Before cutting them out I would deliberate slightly about whether this would have a negative impact on your kids? Would it be a decision you would make just for yourself or for the entire family?

Gigglepig

OP on the bright side, perhaps some of the gifts/attention your sister gets does come with strings attached? Sounds like your parents are just doing what they like - more for themselves than for you or even your sister. If your sister is more dependent on them, they will also have more control over her, which isn't necessarily a good thing.

It can also be hurtful to be labelled the one that always needs help, just as it can be hurtful for someone very capable that it is never "their turn" to get some help and attention.

Perhaps the help and attention your sister gets comes at a price.

hollys_house

my older children have no contact with my parents too - which is their decision. As they have noticed how they are treated. I have made excuses for my parents behaviour over the years, but we all feel better and happier with no contact. My mother always says she treats us all the same - but my brothers children always have better presents and she brags what they have been upto and doesnt seem intrested in what mine have been up to. Her loss in the end

balletshoes

OP how did your parents know what furniture your sister wanted? how did they know how much of a sum of money to gift her for the other thing she wanted?

DeeDee74

My family are the same my brothers are the golden children that can do no wrong im surprised my mum doesnt run after them wiping there !!! with a wet wipe..
No pratical advice sorry just know how you feel ((hugs)) x

picklekin

The same is true for my sister and I. I have struggled with anger over it for years, however.. there ARE upsides. My mother is.. mentally unstable and has "episodes" which I don't really have to deal with, and as they get older and older they will have more and more medical issues, and I wont have to deal with them. This might sound horribly callous of me, as it isn't really my sisters fault, but she has benefited from the situation, emotionally and financially.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You're not six years old anymore. Let them get on with it - and if you don't like having a grandparent that bothers to come and see you then cut her off and your children can make do without grandparents, and uncle and auntie or cousins on your side.


Seriously, so your sister and, by extension, her family, is liked more. Big deal. It's what crap parents do. No point stomping your feet and complaining to everybody about how unfair it is. We know.

Just work out if you want your kids to think 'we love nanny because she comes round to see us with sweeties' or 'we don't have a nanny anymore'.

System

Im going to stick my neck out and say, does it really matter?

Yes it does matter, it hurts like hell!

Dinosaur_Train

Thank you so much everyone for all of your replies. It's great to hear different perspectives, and although I hate that anyone else has gone through the same, it's good that I'm not alone.

JoJo, I do see what you are saying, but two of my children are older, and both have noticed that nan treats them unfavourably. I obviously wouldn't make a snap decision to cut my parents out, but this has been going on all my life, and it has affected my self esteem and I'm adamant that it's not going to affect the self esteem of my children.