Parents favouring my sister

Dinosaur_Train

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

On the contrary, I do know exactly what is like. I have a brother and a sister who make the sun rise in the morning and the birds sing in the trees. I also have two other brothers who know exactly what the woman is like when there's nobody watching.

Mind you, Her version of preferring some children over others extended to regular batterings and threats, not babysitting duties.

JoJo, I was regularly hit as a child, and was threatened too. Obviously this doesn't happen in adulthood though, and to me until recently I thought this was a normal upbringing. This isn't just over babysitting duties, and I think it's quite unfair to make out I am being trivial

I can see that you have had a hard time too, but because you've had a harder time than others it doesn't mean that it makes how I feel somewhat trivial.

Thank you for your input though.

meritaten

Dinosaur_Train wrote: »

JoJo, I was regularly hit as a child, and was threatened too. Obviously this doesn't happen in adulthood though, and to me until recently I thought this was a normal upbringing. This isn't just over babysitting duties, and I think it's quite unfair to make out I am being trivial

I can see that you have had a hard time too, but because you've had a harder time than others it doesn't mean that it makes how I feel somewhat trivial.

Thank you for your input though.

I have to defend Jojo here! You have her wrong - she is trying to empathise with you! not playing the 'I was worse off than you game'!

and her mums abuse carried on throughout her life even through adulthood - her 'mum' is a real sicko.
Jojo keeps trying to have a relationship though and helps her mum although she just gets abuse for it!
please re-read Jojos post in light of what I have told you. She is trying to help (not making a good job of it tho Jojo!).

MrsE_2

Dinosaur_Train wrote: »

I do know what you're saying but it does matter, to me. It's not that I want the material things but rejection does really hurt and I think as I've had it all my life from my parents although I should really expect it it doesn't get any less hurtful.

The money & material things are tangible proof of what you know to be in their hearts.
I posted a similar thread after xmas & got pretty much told to stop being greedy but its not about the money, the money/value is just the proof.
It does hurt, but make it their loss op & distance yourself.

Dinosaur_Train

meritaten wrote: »

I have to defend Jojo here! You have her wrong - she is trying to empathise with you! not playing the 'I was worse off than you game'!

and her mums abuse carried on throughout her life even through adulthood - her 'mum' is a real sicko.
Jojo keeps trying to have a relationship though and helps her mum although she just gets abuse for it!
please re-read Jojos post in light of what I have told you. She is trying to help (not making a good job of it tho Jojo!).

Obviously I haven't read JoJo's other posts so I don't know any background information and can only go by what has been said on this thread.

I apologise if I am wrong but it did look as though JoJo was saying that what has happened to me isn't as bad as what has happened to her. (and I'm not saying it is or it isn't, I didn't want to get into any competitions with people when I posted on this thread)

rantingmum

Here's another who was the black sheep
Has been more noticeable since we've been grown up, but looking back it's always been the case.

Sis is the blonde hair blue eyed angel who can do no wrong.
I was always the one who did the running, made sure I never forgot birthday, xmas mothers days etc. Made my kids speak on the phone on special days etc.

If you listen to Mum and sis they never speak. But funny how both 'know' things that could have only come via me ro each other.
Mum always sends presents for sisters 3 kids yet min only ever get a card and not even that some yrs.
I even made the effort to go and visit Mum least once a yr as she lives on south coast, sis and I are both in London.

The lightbulb moment came last yr at christmas.
Three presents under Sisters tree all clearly labelled from Granny. ( She is the only grandparent known as Granny plus it had a nickname I cant include on here) None for mine, even tho I visited end of Nov. Sis reckons she not spoken to Mum, yet knew things I'd mentioned on my visit. ( and during the visit not once did Mum ask about my four, all she was concerned with how my neice was after a car crash that had happened six mths earlier)
When leaving sisters I was reading her xmas cards all displayed. And in the cards to my neices it said to my darling princess name. My nephews card said to my handsome prince name.
My kids just simply said to and their name.

The lightbulb came on and I thought !!!!!! I am beating myself up over this relationship it's so one sided I am suprised it lasted as long as it did. I didn't call xmas day, nor mothers day, and to date I've had no call to see how I am or even why I never called as I usually do. Almost like I;ve dropped off the planet and mother has yet to notice.

Am really sad tbh, cos at the end of the day I only got one mum and she did a crap job. I really wanted our relationship to work, but I realise now that it never will.

Onwards and upwards I guess xxx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Fair dos. Didn't mean it as a mine was worse than yours. Just it would be hypocritical for me to not mention that She was not your common or garden crap parent when somebody already thought I had no idea what it was like.



In your OP, it came across as they aren't as nice to you because they don't give you or your kids good enough presents compared to your sister.


There was no mention of abuse, no battering with fists, sticks, knives or other such implements, no restriction of food, refusal of medical treatment, no mention of growing up in filth, so no reason to think that there was more profound neglect or abuse than the children seeing a nan coming to see them with sweets, instead of mounds of presents -


- and you projecting your feelings onto it, when all the kids could be seeing is that they have a nanny who visits and brings them sweets. (Something my girls never had, by the way - not that I'd trust them to be safe around her in any case).



The choice is still the same, though - do you let it hold you back and still complaining it isn't fair, continually revisiting the pain of being a little kid - or do you shrug your shoulders and get on with being an adult who knows that people aren't perfect?

coocoo51

This is a mischevious reply - ever thought about gatecrashing when your sister, or her children are at your parents? Or engineering a conversation with your sister where something your parents have done for sis and not for you, she tells you in front of them?
Might embarass them having it brought out into the open when you haven't actually had to tackle them or be accused of jealousy. Theirbehaviour is despicable but you can always claim the moral high ground - what you haven't had you can get along without. xxx