So confused right now :(

tayforth

Why don't you want to move into the place you've been offered with your OH?

Why is it so important to have a flat that's 'mine' rather than 'ours'?

I'm not so sure that you really want to move in with him.

victory

lolavix wrote: »

I'm going against the grain here...but you've been offered council housing and are thinking of turning it down? Think yourself damn lucky, I have no choice at the moment but to live with friends as. Cannot get council housing.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Sorry if I've read this thread wrong but you are coming across as a 'princess'.

Not a princess just undecided

sparkles22

cheers for all the advice and the tough love

Im just off the phone with my mum talking about the possibility of accepting this new flat. To say she does not approve would be an understatement. She thinks it would be stupid to waste our money on stuff that they have ready to give us, if everything goes to plan. Suffice to say I feel like crap again

paulineb_2

Has your mum not considered the possibility of things not going to plan?

Caz3121

sparkles22 wrote: »

cheers for all the advice and the tough love

Im just off the phone with my mum talking about the possibility of accepting this new flat. To say she does not approve would be an understatement. She thinks it would be stupid to waste our money on stuff that they have ready to give us, if everything goes to plan. Suffice to say I feel like crap again

But if the other property needs to be sold to pay for carehome fees (the house belongs to grandfather so will be assessed as his)

It would have been a little unfair on the parents to leave the property 100% to one child....whilst the payment may have been from him, I expect the discount would have been the grandparents so they may have wanted to at least leave something to the other children

eg discount 60% payment 40%

each child would get 20% (one third of the discount value) and the 40% would be returned so payments could have been 20%+20%+60%

this all may be irrelevant depending on how the care home fees are going to be paid

sparkles22

I don't think so pauline i said to her there, but how do you KNOW you can buy a flat, how do you KNOW it will all work out? She didn't even listen to what i was saying.

paulineb_2

You really need to be a bit selfish here and do whats best for you. You, not your parents. You could have left home years ago, you are an adult. You cant live your life to please your parents and yes it must be tough if your family are quite strong characters, but this isnt all about you and them.

You have your bf to consider in all of this as well. What if it took years to sort out this housing situation, what would you do then. You dont have guarantees at the moment. Thats the problem. What if you and your bf wanted to get married, Im not suggesting that you will just now, but do your parents really want you to put your life on hold until this issue with the house gets sorted? Its up to you where you live, thats the bottom line.

I think care home fees are different in Scotland, its a different system up here as far as Im aware.

tayforth

What Pauline said.

Good luck with your decision xx

sparkles22

If it were just down to me? Id just wait for their flat, irregardless of what happens next. Its BECAUSE of him that I'm willing to compromise, because i love him

paulineb_2

sparkles22 wrote: »

If it were just down to me? Id just wait for their flat, irregardless of what happens next. Its BECAUSE of him that I'm willing to compromise, because i love him

But if that flat never came your way? What would you do. This is the point, you said earlier that you didnt think you would ever need to save for a house, because your mum and stepdad were going to move and you would get theirs.

But as you have said, there are complications in proving ownership. A sister is going to fight for her share irrespective of whether thats the right thing to do.

And the council your mum and stepdad are with might not hand the tenancy over to you.

You have no plan B. Nothing to fall back on if this doesnt go your way. Its the mum and stepdads flat or nothing really and the thing is, you dont have to move in with your bf, if you really dont want to do it, as I said earlier, let him move in on his own, you can stay weekends etc and in time you might get your name added to the tenancy.

If you really dont want to move you dont need to move, he could go on his own.

But as other people have said, council flats dont come about that often and if he and you turn this one down, you might not get another offer for a very long time. Which is ok for you as you can wait to see what happens and you are prepared to.

But what about him? I think one of you needs to accept this offer, if you dont want to be there, then encourage him to take it on his own, help him with the practical stuff, stay over when you want to and wait to see if the other house happens for you in time.