So confused right now :(

Heffi1

I think it is time for you to have a long hard look at where you see your relationship with your boyfriend going. It sounds to me as if you are putting up obstacles to moving in with him, because you are not ready for it. If that is the case then you need to tell him. Maybe wait a while for you both to be ready. At least take your name off the council waiting list so that someone with a family who may actually be in need to housing gets the opportunity to make a home for themselves and possibly their children.

You say you are 23, well it is time to grow up and realise that in order to be an adult, you have to take adult decisions. That does not involve waiting for your mum to leave her house so you can have a ready made home.

What happens when the council say you cannot take over the tenancy, you will either move with your parents to their new home and life will continue as it is, or you become independent of them and step out on your own.

I think it is this final step that is stopping you, not the fact that you will have your very own home to decorate and furnish in your own way and make your life together with your boyfriend.

If you have no intention of moving into the flat, then the responsible thing to do it to tell the council that you do not want it and free it up to someone who just might need it.

paulineb_2

sparkles22 wrote: »

We were happy the things were. But when we were told about stepdads dad being put in a home and that we would get the flat we were really excited.The more we thought about it, the more excited we became

I also just want to pick up on this. I dont know if you have a close relationship with your stepdads dad or how much influence he has had in your life. But if an elderly relative of mine, even by marriage was put in a home, my first emotion wouldnt be excited about getting a house because someone was about to move into his vacant flat, Id be absolutely gutted at the fact someone was going into 24 hour care. Even if it was for the best and even if it was what they wanted and really needed.

If your stepdads dad wasnt unwell none of this would be happening at all as he would still be living in his house, even though your stepdad purchased it for him.

And if he hadnt been too unwell to stay in his own home, he could have lived in his home for a number of years and you would have had to make some kind of arrangement as to where you were going to move onto because there would have been no vacant property to move into.

Its not the end of the world if you turn down this offer, but you are sending out some massive mixed messages to your bf.
You want to live with him, but only on your terms.

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

I also just want to pick up on this. I dont know if you have a close relationship with your stepdads dad or how much influence he has had in your life. But if an elderly relative of mine, even by marriage was put in a home, my first emotion wouldnt be excited about getting a house because someone was about to move into his vacant flat, Id be absolutely gutted at the fact someone was going into 24 hour care. Even if it was for the best and even if it was what they wanted and really needed.

If your stepdads dad wasnt unwell none of this would be happening at all as he would still be living in his house, even though your stepdad purchased it for him.

And if he hadnt been too unwell to stay in his own home, he could have lived in his home for a number of years and you would have had to make some kind of arrangement as to where you were going to move onto because there would have been no vacant property to move into.

Its not the end of the world if you turn down this offer, but you are sending out some massive mixed messages to your bf.
You want to live with him, but only on your terms.

I was about to say the same thing. Comes across as very insensitive on the part of the OP.

coolcait

sparkles22 wrote: »

cheers for all the advice and the tough love

Im just off the phone with my mum talking about the possibility of accepting this new flat. To say she does not approve would be an understatement. She thinks it would be stupid to waste our money on stuff that they have ready to give us, if everything goes to plan. Suffice to say I feel like crap again

I think that you, and your mum, may be missing something...



(Just as I did, on first reading [blush])

sparkles22

I also just want to pick up on this. I dont know if you have a close relationship with your stepdads dad or how much influence he has had in your life. But if an elderly relative of mine, even by marriage was put in a home, my first emotion wouldnt be excited about getting a house because someone was about to move into his vacant flat, Id be absolutely gutted at the fact someone was going into 24 hour care. Even if it was for the best and even if it was what they wanted and really needed.

- I am absolutley gutted about it. To make it even worse, he absolutley does not want to be there. My parents have fought long and hard to get him back out, but the social workers have decided he has to be there, and he would be a danger to himself otherwise. We have all just had to accept this.

I think it is time for you to have a long hard look at where you see your relationship with your boyfriend going. It sounds to me as if you are putting up obstacles to moving in with him, because you are not ready for it. If that is the case then you need to tell him. Maybe wait a while for you both to be ready. At least take your name off the council waiting list so that someone with a family who may actually be in need to housing gets the opportunity to make a home for themselves and possibly their children.

You say you are 23, well it is time to grow up and realise that in order to be an adult, you have to take adult decisions. That does not involve waiting for your mum to leave her house so you can have a ready made home.

What happens when the council say you cannot take over the tenancy, you will either move with your parents to their new home and life will continue as it is, or you become independent of them and step out on your own.

I think it is this final step that is stopping you, not the fact that you will have your very own home to decorate and furnish in your own way and make your life together with your boyfriend.

If you have no intention of moving into the flat, then the responsible thing to do it to tell the council that you do not want it and free it up to someone who just might need it.

- I spoke to him last night, about everything. We decided to go for it.