do you go out on your own or with others?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Having a loving relationship is all very well. But what happens if they leave you? Oh, obviously, with a cosy little codependent relationship, that'll never happen :cool: but people die. Then there's a choice whether to start living, become a professional widow or just give up.

In a similar way, I think the inability to cope without external validation and distraction for any significant length of time is why there are women who have a seemingly endless stream of babies or thirty cats. And men, too.

I've been in relationships where they've argued 'but we're a couple. We should be enough for one another'. This translates, in my experience to 'I can't stand the thought that you might leave the house unsupervised and actually realise there's more to life than fulfilling my every need and whim'.

Anyhow, the only way to conquer those feelings is to do something that challenges you. Like going to see a film. Or getting something to eat first. Then once you realise the world hasn't fallen apart at the seams, try something else. Maybe something around an activity would be easier for you than standing in a bar trying to make conversation?

Sometimes you will end up sitting there bored and surrounded by couples and groups of friends. But over time, you realise it isn't a disaster and you'll probably end up chatting to people or recognised by them and before you know it, you've got people to socialise with or even count as friends.


Never thought I'd be doing it myself, but I've got the most lovely bunch of friends and people I absolutely adore as a result of doing that - plus I found out I had some talent I never knew I had. Nowdays, I think that I'm one of those people somebody could look at, being hollered at across a bar/street/gig and getting a huge bear hug and instant company, and they're wondering 'how do people like her do that? It must come naturally to them, unlike me'.

Even though I have those wonderful friends, I still have days when I don't see a soul - and I've friends who have sent messages something like 'I'm a complete Billy no mates at the moment - wanna pop round and save me from looking like a serial killer choosing his next victim?'

Just have a go at going out. Yes, it's strange, but over time, things change.

treeze

Hermia wrote: »

I live alone and don't have much in the way of family and didn't relate to the joy quote at all. For me, the joy comes from what I am doing. Having a good old natter about it to others is a bonus, but not essential. Besides these days you can share things via blogs, YouTube or forums and get great feedback. The last time I went to the theatre I wrote a little review of it on a forum and was inundated with lovely comments and questions from people all around the world. I didn't get such a wonderful reaction from the real life people I know as they are not theatre buffs.

As a theatre buff I'd be interested to read it.

anniewoo

I live on my own and love going out on my own!! I go to cafes,restaurants,the cinema,theatre,museums etc.No-one has ever looked at me strangely because I am on my own,other people just don't care.Yes,I enjoy shopping with a friend or going to the cinema or having lunch with them,but I am just as happy to go on my own.

I don't go to pubs or clubs on my own,but that is because I am far too old for clubs :rotfl:and I don't really like pubs anyway.I have never been on holiday on my own,but I would be quite happy to do so.

I really don't understand this attitude that is it somehow weird to do things on your own :huh: I would never let being on my own stop me from doing anything I wanted to.I am off to see the new Star Trek film next week,on my own,because none of my friends are into Sc-Fi.

piglet74

I live with my hubby and teenage daughter, but there's a few things I do alone,
Exercise class, zumba, boxercise, swimming, shopping, bingo, night class in the local tech, cinema, I have gone to the cinema with hubby and then we have both gone our seperate ways for dif films,
I haven't gone to a pub alone, nor do I like eating alone, but that's just a personal pet hate of mine. I hae done it, I just don't like doing it.

aridjis

Frogletina wrote: »

Last week I went to a pub and after a bit a young guy sat down beside me and asked why I was sitting on my own. I said 'because I came on my own'. He asked if I was on the 'pull' and I laughed and said no.

I think that's the sort of scenario that I'd want to avoid. Perhaps I am over-thinking things a bit , but I don't want it to look like I am out on the pull just because I am by myself

balletshoes

panagia wrote: »

I think that's the sort of scenario that I'd want to avoid. Perhaps I am over-thinking things a bit , but I don't want it to look like I am out on the pull just because I am by myself

thats only likely to happen in the pub/clubs though - its not going to happen at the cinema, or in a cafe, or in a museum/on a guided tour .

paulineb_2

panagia wrote: »

I think that's the sort of scenario that I'd want to avoid. Perhaps I am over-thinking things a bit , but I don't want it to look like I am out on the pull just because I am by myself

You cant know what someone might say to you when you are out on your own, all you can do is deal with it. Ive been to a pub on my own many times, when Ive finished work and need to kill time before getting a bus home, when waiting for my mum.

There are pubs I wouldnt go in but thats not because Im female, its because I dont know the pubs and Im comfortable being in one I know.

I think if anyone saw me sitting in my work clothes with a half pint in my hand, the last thing anyone would think was that I was out on the pull.

Theres an older woman who goes into my local wetherspoons, she goes in most days and will have something to eat or a drink. She looks as if she is a bit lonely and her clothes are a bit worn, but its obviously the part of her day where she gets out of the house, its her routine and if anyone makes a judgement on her, its not directly to her face. She must be in her 70s.

There are also lots of men who go in that pub and sit alone with a newspaper and a pint. Id never once assume that they were out on the pull.

People have as much right to go out and have a drink and a bite to eat on their own as they do in company without being judged as being on the pull or having no friends.

aridjis

paulineb wrote: »

People have as much right to go out and have a drink and a bite to eat on their own as they do in company without being judged as being on the pull or having no friends.

:T

I think it's a case of building up a bit of confidence so that if someone were to say "how come you're on your own, then" (not that anyone has said that to me) I wouldn't stumble for words and look embarrassed.

I also think being alone you sometimes get people coming up to you who perhaps wouldn't if you were with someone. Sometimes that's good, sometimes not so good.

paulineb_2

Ive never been pestered in my local wetherspoons, or the one in the next town. No one has asked me why Im on my own. I dont tend to go in at peak times anyway, but Ive gone in in the morning for breakfast on occasion.

If someone walked up to me and asked me why I was on my own and I couldnt be bothered explaining Id say, Im waiting for someone.

treeze

The most negative reaction that really surprised me was last year when I went on holiday alone. I was staying in a little seaside cottage and a week or so beforehand the lady who owned it rang me to give directions etc and said something like "what time are you both coming" Oh no, I said, it's just me.She was horrified and said something along the lines of "oh no!" on your own?!" Found myself explaining to a stranger how I wanted a relaxing break away from everything etc which was completely unnecessary. Once there,looked in her visitors book and I was indeed the only one to stay on my own! Occasionally if I mention to someone I'm going somewhere on my own I get "oh,bless!":eek:their problem,not mine. Sure as someone said in London and big cities people don't think twice,maybe it's the small towns.