do you go out on your own or with others?

aridjis

I feel a bit silly posting this, but I’m in a bit of a rut and I can’t see a way out. Due to circumstances I’ve become a bit isolated from other people. I have no family nearby, no friends, and I gave up an awful job years ago, and have been living as a home-maker.

I am by nature a bit of a loner, and usually I don’t mind my own company at all. I’m actually quite social phobic, which I know is not good, and my natural inclination is to stay at home and not to get out and talk to people.

But the thing is, I am finding I hardly do any of the things I used to do. It’s been recommended to me that I gradually start building up my activities again, as it’s not good for your mental health to be on your own all the time and not be doing anything that interests you.

I would like to go out and about, but often it feels weird being on my own, almost as though others are looking at you and judging you for being some weird loner! There are places I’d like to go, but often I feel self-conscious if I go alone. Has anyone else found this, and how did you/do you deal with it? Or am I just being too sensitive?

I am not much good at talking to people, and friendships take time, so I’m not expecting to go out and make a load of friends tomorrow. I’m quite happy to go out on my own, it lifts my mood so much, but I often find it awkward to do so. It never used to bother me at all to go out by myself, not sure why it’s a huge issue now.

How do you feel when you go out alone, or when you see other people on their own? Am I making a big fuss about nothing.

valk_scot

I don't think I even notice if folk are on their own, unless I am too and looking say for someone to sit next to at a class or group. And I'm fine about going places on my own, I spent years going on holiday by myself and really enjoyed it, I could do whatever I liked. I still go out a fair bit on my own say to the cinema or exhibitions or classes, my family don't necessarily being dragged along to things that interest me. I don't feel awkward going in for a coffee or meal alone either, the only thing I wouldn't do solo is go to the pub...actually, I might go for a bar lunch if I was out and about but I wouldn't go to prop up the bar iyswim.

Lagoon

I go out on my own quite a bit. Like you I'm not great in social situations, so I don't really have friends that I can spend a lot of time with, but OH and I are very different people and have very different interests.

We do some things together, but there are some things that I want to do and that he's just not interested in. In order to do those, I have to go out on my own. It does get easier, though I've still not managed to go to the cinema alone or to eat at a proper restaurant...

Thinking about it, now that I'm writing this, I think the cinema is easily something that I could now manage. I just hadn't thought about it in the last year or so!

aridjis

I definitely would not go into a pub on my own! But I like the thought of going to galleries, exhibitions, classes, special-interest stuff like genealogy, guided walks.. or just going out for a walk! But people seem to go along to stuff with someone, usually.

I like the idea of the theatre or cinema, but that might be a bit awkward on your own, wouldn't it.

balletshoes

OP what kind of things do you feel awkward doing on your own out and about?

balletshoes

panagia wrote: »

I definitely would not go into a pub on my own! But I like the thought of going to galleries, exhibitions, classes, special-interest stuff like genealogy, guided walks.. or just going out for a walk! But people seem to go along to stuff with someone, usually.

no - they really don't . Go, and enjoy them. And the cinema? Of course you can do that on your own - you buy a ticket, you walk into a dark screening room, and enjoy the movie. I've gone on my own to the theatre before too, if its something you really want to see and no-one else does, do it!

Lagoon

panagia wrote: »

I definitely would not go into a pub on my own! But I like the thought of going to galleries, exhibitions, classes, special-interest stuff like genealogy, guided walks.. or just going out for a walk! But people seem to go along to stuff with someone, usually.

I'd be comfortable doing all of those things on my own, and I bet if you go you'll find that others are there alone as well. Walking is especially easy - you can just put on some music, and really lose yourself.

FBaby

The UK is not very good at welcoming people on their own. I lived in the States for 6 years, and where I resided, if you went anywhere on your own, you could expect people to approach you within 10 minutes. It is very easy. It came as a shock when I arrived in England and realised that people could ignore you completely even if you make the right eye contact, smile etc...

I had on occasions done things on my own, but don't expect to meet anyone that way, however, I also do not care what others might think. There is no shame to have at going somewhere alone. It's all about how you feel about it. Ironically, it is when I went somewhere purely for the entertainment not expecting to meet anyone that somehow I have ended up meeting new people initiating conversation myself.

Janepig

I wouldn't go to a pub on my own but I've been to the cinema, concerts, bingo etc... On my own. Not every time, I also go with friends sometimes, but if I want to go and I don't happen to have company then I'll go alone. I quite like being able to suit myself really, do what I want to do. Can't say I notice if other people are alone, or if I do then I don't sit wondering why they're alone.

Jx

mrcow

Things that I would happily do on my own: cinema, theatre (plays/musicals etc), walks, museums, sight seeing (castles/historical places/famous landmarks), shops, day spas, swimming, beach, activities eg. ice skating, horse riding etc

Places I woudn't feel comfortable on my own (I'm female so that may make a difference): pubs, clubs, restaurants

mucklebones

I love my own company. I go to the Gym alone, shop alone, would happily go to the Cinema or a Cafe alone too. In fact I actually prefer it.

My partner works and whilst my daughter is at school I love having time to myself where I do not have to talk to anyone, entertain anyone, not worry that my conversation might be boring or have to make plans around anyone else.

Apart from my immediate family I find other people quite irritating lol.

You need to learn to be comfortable in your own company, I think it makes you a stronger person. Go for it, I am sure no one is watching you or judging you... but so what if they are.