Affair = Marriage and happiness?

tayforth

MrsE wrote: »

My second marriage lasted far longer than my first.

The OP was wondering about second/third/fourth marriages that are the result of an affair, though.

As an aside, given that my first marriage has only lasted 9 months, I sincerely hope that any subsequent union (if I marry again) will last longer than that! :rotfl:

(No infidelity was involved btw)

marisco_2

Cooper18 wrote: »

It can definitely work, I'd never wish unhappiness on anyone because of the way they found their Mr or Mrs Right.

There is the unavoidable fact though that the way some people find their Mr or Mrs Right, causes immeasurable unhappiness and pain to the people that they cheated on in order to be together.

Hermia

I think generally it's a very bad grounding for a marriage and I imagine the failure rate is pretty high. Having said that a know a few people whose relationship started as an affair and are still together many years later. In those cases the cheater had never cheated before and the marriage was dead, but due to various reasons no one ended it.

celyn90

Cooper18 wrote: »

Never had one, but imagine people have affairs for many different reasons so not fair to lump them all together. My sister confessed to an affair 10 years ago and she's still with the guy. Never seen her happier. OH shares office with woman who had affair and is still with hers 15 years on. It can definitely work, I'd never wish unhappiness on anyone because of the way they found their Mr or Mrs Right.

I agree. I have a relative who found happiness in this way, after being made to feel totally worthless by her husband. It's not easy to walk away from abuse and violence on your own, and I am glad her and her now partner felt strongly enough about each other to rescue her. I'm not sure she'd be alive if not. It's all very well to say people should end it beforehand, but life just isn't that simple sometimes.

MrsE_2

tayforth wrote: »

The OP was wondering about second/third/fourth marriages that are the result of an affair, though.

As an aside, given that my first marriage has only lasted 9 months, I sincerely hope that any subsequent union (if I marry again) will last longer than that! :rotfl:

(No infidelity was involved btw)

Ok - then my second marriage was the result of an affair & as I found out in time there were a fair few before me!
But we didn't have "trust" issues & faithfulness was never an issue.

make_me_wise

I am surprised by the number of people who do end up having good relationships that start off as affairs. I know of three couples who got together this way and seem perfectly happy many years on. It is hardly the ideal springboard to the beginning of something to make a go of in my mind though. Not for me, I could not trust someone who was a cheat.

duchy

I think marriage cheats fall into too distinct categories . Those who genuinely fall hard for someone else and end their marriage quickly and decently and remain faithful ............ And serial cheats who are unlikely to change ther behaviour long term regardless of whom they are with.

FBaby

My mum had an affair with my step-dad when she was married to my dad and I was 1 yo! He was married with 5 children! They both left their partner pretty quicky, but did move in together for years. It was an eventful relationship! They did however get married after about 10 years together, had my sister when my mum was 42 and he was 56, and they stayed together until his death 8 years ago.

I met his ex-wife one day, years after the events. She never remarried but she had clearly moved on and was lovely towards me. 3 of his children accepted my mum, 2 didn't.

lilymay1

My husband wasn't married to someone else when we first embarked on our relationship, but they were engaged. Not my proudest moment I'll admit, but their relationship was abusive (psychological mostly, although she did attack him with a hammer one evening while drunk). He also lost both his parents within 6 months (he was only 23) and I think it changed things for him. Hit home that life is too short.

I read somewhere that 50% of marriages who go through the loss of child, as we have, end in divorce. Ours will not be one of them. Although I am not proud that my relationship started the way it did, I am eternally thankful that it did. My husband is happier with me than he ever was with his ex-fiance, we have a fantastic life together, a beautiful little boy and another due at Christmas.

Unless you've been in this situation, it's very easy to criticise. As someone else said, there are many factors that influence people to stray. Sadly we can't all be as perfect as a lot of the posters above....
And to answer Tayforths question...yes, I trust my husband with my life.

shellsuit

My Mum had an affair when she was with my Dad, and 20 years on, she's still with the bloke and they're very happy.

He left 2 small children (with his ex wife) to be with my Mum, something I will never understand, and doesn't have a relationship with them. One child resurfaced and told him he had a Grandchild, but he doesn't bother with them at all now.

How can you destroy so many lives like that and live like nothing has happened? I'd never be able to live with the guilt!

I was 17 at the time of the (nasty) split between my parents and went off the rails for a year or 2 and my Dad ended up getting sectioned because of very bad depression, but hey, Mum and him were happy so why should they have given a fig about the devastation they left behind?