Affair = Marriage and happiness?

spender

What are the chances of having a happy long relationship which started as an affair? Once the initial "lust" dies down and it becomes routine do they end or do they go on and live happily ever after. Interested as I read a statistic that 2nd and 3rd marriages tended to end after a shorter period of time (can not find the original article though to link too).

My ex is now on his third marriage (our marriage ended years ago) and I am curious

tayforth

The chances are low, I'd say. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Could you ever trust someone who had left their spouse for you?

As a famous philanderer once said (Jemima Goldsmith's father, IIRC, although I'm happy to be corrected), "When you marry your mistress, you create a vacancy."

lizziebabe

My ex married his mistress. They seem happy. They are both cheats.

I am single and I am very Happy! :j I am not and will never be a cheat.

Of course research shows married men live longer and so do single women

Tiglath

My FIL had an affair and married her. They're still happily married 15 years later. I suspect he's only faithful now because he's pushing 70; I don't think his basic nature has changed.

marisco_2

Personally I would say there is little to no chance of an affair ever developing into anything meaningful. A relationship which starts with lies often ends with the truth, when the deceit and betrayal is discovered.

Those who are willing to cheat on their partners are totally untrustworthy and have no morals or values at all. They aren't good relationship type people. If they were they would value, love and respect their current partners. They wouldn't be the type that could go behind someones back and lie and betray without any conscience for what harm and devestation they could cause. I think when someone makes the cold and calculated decision to have an affair they simply seek a quick thrill and some excitement. Possibly being caught out is part of the stimulus for doing something so cheap and vile.

To have an affair you are with someone who cant find it within them, to put in the effort to improve things in their relationship with their current partner. Deciding instead to just jump into bed with someone else. This suggests to me that people who cheat are selfish, self centred individuals who wont care much to meet the needs emotionally, sexually or otherwise of another person. They will be out only to make sure their own needs are met. So it is very doubtful to me that such a coming together between two people would ever lead to something worthwhile, long term or precious.

tayforth

As ever, marisco, spot on and beautifully put.

Cooper18

Never had one, but imagine people have affairs for many different reasons so not fair to lump them all together. My sister confessed to an affair 10 years ago and she's still with the guy. Never seen her happier. OH shares office with woman who had affair and is still with hers 15 years on. It can definitely work, I'd never wish unhappiness on anyone because of the way they found their Mr or Mrs Right.

tayforth

We're all human. We can't help having feelings for someone who's not our current partner for whatever reason, but IMHO it's always better to end one relationship before embarking on another.

whitewing

I am very anti-affairs and I do value marriage.

That said I can think of two couples who I have known for a fairly long time but not that well, who had affairs with their now-husbands. Their marriages seem as solid to me as anyones and there does seem to be genuine love and affection, and also a tolerance of the boring day-to-dayness. Both marriages had children before and since. Sadly though, both ex-wives are still very bitter about it, and that has really affected relationships with the older - now adult - children.

MrsE_2

spender wrote: »

Interested as I read a statistic that 2nd and 3rd marriages tended to end after a shorter period of time (can not find the original article though to link too).

My ex is now on his third marriage (our marriage ended years ago) and I am curious

My second marriage lasted far longer than my first.

mum2one

I guess you could say i was a mistress, - although this wasn't apparent until we'd split up, (long story) his wife came out of prison!! I was 7 mths gone when we split up, he went back to his wife as though nothing had ever happened, they stayed together for 8 yrs then he had another affair and now has a new child and 6 step-children with hos new g/friend.
For me one a liar always a lair.......

I would say every situation is individual but as a mistress the relationship is just the good bits then reality kicks in!! and would you trust the partner if he started working late, change of clothes etc........