Theft by family member. In despair!

jj237

My daughter is nearly 20 years old. She doesn't pay rent or contribute to the household. She has been stealing small items and money from us for a long time but recently stole nearly £200 from our 4 year old sons savings money box which was hidden at the back of my wardrobe. I want her to move out but don't know how to go about this. I also want her to face some official police action regarding the theft as I am concerned that this is getting more serious and may be related to drug use. Can she be warned by the Police? Is there a unit I can talk to about my concerns? Any confrontation by me is met with indignation. I don't know what to do. How can I evict her?

securityguy

jj237 wrote: »

My daughter is nearly 20 years old. She doesn't pay rent or contribute to the household. She has been stealing small items and money from us for a long time but recently stole nearly £200 from our 4 year old sons savings money box w

Simply tell her to leave.

But, seriously, why had you got 200 quid in cash rather than in the bank?

Money_maker

Open the door, use your foot to expel her and close the door. No eviction required.

Seriously though, why does she need the money? I assume your son is not her brother? If this is the case, where is dad? Sit her down and talk to her. It doesn't sound as though you know where she's coming from. Is she trying to get a job? Does she need to go back into education/training? Does she have friends who are leading her astray? How does she pay for her personal needs? What are her personal needs? How can you help her? You need to make one last effort to understand and make her aware that one more incident and she's on the streets.

Penny-Pincher!!

She is an adult, so legally you can kick her out and she will then be homeless. She can then go to the council and they may be able to help or guide her? I would not tolerate this behaviour and she would be out on her ear!!

Is there a reason behind her behaviour? Is she mentally stable etc? What does she doe for work, is she doing drugs, what are her friends like etc?

mattk1234

Sounds terrible.
1. She pays no rent, she makes no contribution. Simply ask her to leave and if not change the locks whilst she is out.

2. Report her to the police. If she fears no punishment why will she stop?

I'm afraid neither of these things will fix the root cause (and may make things worse in the short term) but maybe just maybe it will allow her to have a good long look at her life and what she's doing.
sorry it sounds bad but doing nothing is part of the problem.

Matt

BitterAndTwisted

People should be able to have any sums of money in their homes they like and be confident that it's safe from theft by a family member!

Your daughter is an absolute disgrace! How do you evict her? Give her seven days to make other arrangements or her possessions will be bagged up on the front doorstep and the locks changed. Then do it.

Go round to your local police station and inform them of what has happened. Tell them that you would like them to attend in seven days time as you fear a breach of the peace. I doubt they would be able to address the theft itself.

CKhalvashi

jj237 wrote: »

How can I evict her?

Simply tell her to leave.

Re the police action, dial 101 and make an official report, if that's the way you want to take it.

securityguy wrote: »

But, seriously, why had you got 200 quid in cash rather than in the bank?

I have a bit more than that in cash, both at home, on my right now, and in the office; it's emergency cash, spending cash, and usually some company cash in a separate envelope.

£200 is not a lot to keep in cash, well, not for me anyway.

CK

securityguy

CKhalvashi wrote: »

£200 is not a lot to keep in cash, well, not for me anyway.

CK

As long-term savings for a child?

McKneff

Your daughter will get away with anything you allow her to get away with.

She should have been contributing from the start, why didn't you take money from her then.
You should have dealt with the small amounts of money going missing at the time.

Sorry but you cant put all the blame on your daughter.

marisco_2

If you want to evict her you can pack her bags, show her the door and change the locks. At 20 years old she is an adult and there is nothing stopping you deciding she cant live with you any more. In all honesty I am not sure that would be the wisest move though, no matter how much her actions are bringing you despair and to your knees.

Does your daughter work or is she in any form of further education? I question why at her age she is not expected to pay rent or contribute in any positive way to where she lives. If she hasn't been use to standing on her own two feet, or ever been expected to be financially responsible, then being thrown out into the big wide world will come as a hell of a shock to her. Especially risky as you stated that you fear the thefts are becoming more serious and could be related to drug use. If this is the case then being made to leave home without any way of supporting herself, could quickly lead to her being in a very precarious position and vulnerable to making awful choices.

I am not sure how the police would wish to proceed if you contacted them about all that has gone on. Another poster could be along shortly who could offer advice on that scenario. I hope either yourself or another trusted family member or close friend manages to get through to you daughter and makes her see sense. She seems to have no concept of how out of order her behaviour is, choosing to treat loved ones with utter contempt is not on. She clearly has alot of growing up to do. I am sorry to hear of the predicament you find yourself in OP.

BitterAndTwisted

securityguy wrote: »

As long-term savings for a child?

It doesn't really matter whose money it was or why it was kept in cash at home! What does matter is that sums of money and items have been stolen before. That £200 was a complete and utter betrayal but I fear that the other thefts should have been dealt with at the time. Not dealing with them before now appears to have emboldened her.

Give her seven days to find alternative accommodation and mean it. I wouldn't ever have someone under my own roof who couldn't be trusted, family member or not.