Theft by family member. In despair!

Lola888

If you throw her out she'll end up living God knows where with God knows who, but if she stays she will keep stealing, taking drugs and she will keep hanging out with God knows who- Catch 22 situation.

I think a long hard talk, give her a final ultimatum. Tell her you know she's been stealing and if anything else goes missing she is out. If you find drugs or find out she is taking drugs, she's out. She needs to find a job and stick to it and pay rent regularly or again she is out.

Tough love and if that doesn't work she's old enough to look after herself she is no longer your legal responsibility.

Btw the police would really struggle to do anything with this theft as most people have said there is no way to prove it was her. Unless she admitted it there is no evidence even though you know there is no one else who could have taken it. I would start locking your room again and take any large amounts of cash to the bank.

Hope things work out for you

phill99

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

You are not comparing like with like here. Stealing cash hidden in the house is a million miles away from taking someone else's credit-card and using it.

From the police's point of view there's no absolute proof that the cash was there to be stolen in the first place, and in the second place that it was the daughter who stole it. That is why I thought there could be little they police might be able do.

If you can't see the difference I suggest you have another think about it.

Of course it's like with like.

Theft is theft. End of. The police had no evidence that my brother in law had token it. It was my word against his.

But the police are still duty bound to investigate and make arrests where appropriate. It is the CPS that Mae decision whethertoprosecute or not.

[text removed by MSE Forum Team]

marisco_2

pimento wrote: »

I've just re-read the original post. The daughter is 19, not 20 and her younger brother is four. Four years ago, she started stealing from her parents.

Could the daughter be jealous of the baby and be stealing to get attention?

I could understand a young child playing up and vying for attention because it is jealous of a new babys' arrival into the family. Even then there are all kinds of ways you can reduce the impact and eliminate problems from occuring. 15 is way to old for that kind of carry on though. There is no excuse for stealing from family members in my book. All that would recieve is negative attention and a breakdown in trust and respect.

sassyblue

This is a tough one to advise about.

OP, how do you normally deal with the incidents? Throw a wobbly or try and talk? Whatever you've done before clearly hasn't worked so maybe a different approach? Does your hubby join in when you discipline her?

The root of this problem is her lack of respect for you, she may be wanting attention so why can't she help you around the house and get your attention that way?

You do have to nip this in the bud, l know a girl who's constantly stolen from her parents and is still freeloading off them now she has children let alone what she steals too.

I hate thieves.

I'd call the police and id find her a job myself - even if its part time, in a take away with a bad reputation, hopefully her no-mark friends will go by just to laugh at her. tell her she has 2 months to pay the £200 back or she's out, if possible I'd deliver her to the job every time too, and let her know the first time she skips work she's out aswell.

Lola888

phill99 wrote: »

Of course it's like with like.

Theft is theft. End of. The police had no evidence that my brother in law had token it. It was my word against his.

But the police are still duty bound to investigate and make arrests where appropriate. It is the CPS that Mae decision whethertoprosecute or not.

Now I suggest you stop being so arrogant and have another think about it.

This is not like for like, there are further lines of enq when he takes a credit card and uses it. Cash points and shops have CCTV where he can be seen using the card. Transactions can be tracked so if I went to the shop and they had CCTV they would see him using the card. Some cashpoints also have CCTV.

With this one the police could arrest, but they can't prove it so they would find it very hard to charge. This is a minor theft so the police wouldn't have to go to the CPS as the police can make charging decisions.

Besides I'm not sure the OP wants her to have a criminal reord she wanted her warned, if that is the case I would advise speaking to the local neighbourhood officer and asking them to come around and have a chat with your daughter. They can give her a verbal warning and a good ticking off, it might shock her enough to stop this behaviour.

nearlyrich

marisco wrote: »

I could understand a young child playing up and vying for attention because it is jealous of a new babys' arrival into the family. Even then there are all kinds of ways you can reduce the impact and eliminate problems from occuring. 15 is way to old for that kind of carry on though. There is no excuse for stealing from family members in my book. All that would recieve is negative attention and a breakdown in trust and respect.

To be fair sometimes it's more of a shock gaining a sibling at 15 that when you are 3 or 4, some teens are intensely embarrassed by the fact that their elderly ( anyone over 25) mother is still doing "it"...;)

geoffky

Your job is done....Out she goes into the real world...Good luck

Molly41

Dont be ridiculous - your job is NEVER done as a parent.

gravitytolls

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

It doesn't really matter whose money it was or why it was kept in cash at home! What does matter is that sums of money and items have been stolen before. That £200 was a complete and utter betrayal but I fear that the other thefts should have been dealt with at the time. Not dealing with them before now appears to have emboldened her.

Give her seven days to find alternative accommodation and mean it. I wouldn't ever have someone under my own roof who couldn't be trusted, family member or not.

It#s hard beyond belief and you will shed many tears, but B&T is right.

Our eldest son was smoking cannabis, fetching large quantities and hiding it in the house, treating us all as if we were dirt. It was like living with a time bomb, he had no respect for the rules or for us. He left, returned, left, returned, left returned. The last time he returned it was on condition no cannabis and no treating family with contempt.

He had warning after warning, and in the end I just had to say 'out'. When I found him hiding bags of the stuff behind the bath panel, I just had to put the ret of the family before him.

I called the council, they said they wouldn't accept a parental eviction, they lied. I called social services, they couldn't help because he was over 18, but advised me to give him the boot.

I gave him his belongings and told him he needed to present himself at the council and telll them he had nowhere to go. He spent a year in a hostel which he hated beyond belief. He spent almost a year in his own flat, which he also hated as he was desperately lonely, and even when working couldn't manage the rent and bills.

He's home now. It did him the world of good. Although he now sleeps on a put you up in the lounge, as all rooms are now occupied, he's lovely to have around, he's chatty, happy, sees the humour in daft things again. Even his brothers, who are still irritated by the minor thoughtlessness of someone who sleeps in th elounge, say he's 'quite nice to talk to now he's not on dope'.

It's called tough love, it is, it's as tough on you as on them, but you need to take action.

I hope things resolve themselves eventually. In the meantime you need to consider yourelf and your son, you're both entitled to live in your home without fear and worry of theft and confrontation.

Maybe give her one more chance to tell you why she needed the cash, if you really can't face just turning her out the door, but if you take the route you have to ensure she takes necessary steps to resolve things.

SavingPennies_2

You started locking the doors 4 years ago, your son is 4 years old, are you sure there aren't issues here? Jealously issues with the new brother or step father?