People think we're much better off financially then we are..

Angry_Bear

I'd be tempted not to invite people, and when they "invite themself", say "Oh, I'd love to have you visit but we just can't afford it just now."

If they ask questions, then you have an opening to say that when you have guests you spend a lot more on food and petrol, and you lose the holiday cottage money. If they still want to visit they will almost certainly offer to contribute, and if they don't then they won't visit so you still don't have to pay for them.

I understand how asking someone to pay their share could be awkward, but there's nothing at all embarrassing about the phrase "I can't afford it".

OrkneyStar

Tell them the holiday let is either booked up for the date they want to come or at least that you have people interested, if you don't mind lying, or even say you have to have it available for potential letters at short notice. If you do let them stay leave a days worth of milk, bread, a few t-bags/coffee and perhaps a bit of cold meat/cheese- nothing more!
If they want to go out in the car say, 'oh well we need some petrol/diesel, will we go 'halfers' on this?' or 'sure, if you fancy it, but we'd need to get some fuel', making it obvious you are not getting it.

thorsoak

I'm so sorry to read your post, OP - it's hard when things get tight - and even harder when you're doing your best to keep everything afloat - and making such a good job of it that others don't even realise that there is a problem!

The thing is, your true friends will be only too happy to help and would still love to come and see you and pay their way ...the others won't be worth worrying about - so you and your family really do have to take a big breath and say "actually we're struggling to keep afloat and cannot afford to do all this anymore".

You may find - as we did - that some of our friends did - that it is a relief to know that others are in the same boat and are having the same struggle.

The true friends will knuckle down and help - the others won't want to know - and then it will be a case of good riddance to bad rubbish!

Just take a big breath and speak out - and good luck - do let us know how you get on xx

Sligo

Purleygirl wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all the replies, for some reason I can't reply to individual posts. Ok, just to say we live in Ireland so tax, college fees, everything is different here. We don't keep inviting people over but of course, if people ask I say yes. Oh and to the person who suggested a part time job, that would be great, I'm looking but hard times here.

Purleygirl I feel your pain!! As you can see by username, I'm in the Rep Ireland too. We have a holiday home - well it's my mum and dad's holiday home and we have so far let a couple of friends and family use it when parents are not here. The plan is to "holiday let" it but I'm not getting on with that at moment because of time commitments. I don't have time to clean my own house at the moment!!

We have my husband's American cousin, wife and 2 sons arriving on Monday to stay for a week. Now we offered the house to them as it's empty at the moment. So I don't expect them to pay rent. However I now find that husband's family are expecting us to stock the fridge ready for them and maybe make a meal for them on arrival. We have never met these people! Husband's cousin last visited Ireland over 30 years ago and he barely remembers him! I have heard on grapevine that english cousin now looking to use it in August. My comment was " Goodness we'll have to set a family rate for letting!"

Like you, we are seen as being "well off" cos I have a decent job and my husband is farming the home farm! Ha ha ha! We are struggling to make ends meet with eldest in college, 2 others at school and everything is so expensive here. UK visitors have no idea how much more expensive it is to live in Ireland compared to UK. There are no student loans here and my daughter's first year in college just cost me €9000!! Going to doc 2moro morning will cost me at least €50. Some days you'd be afraid to leave the house in case it costs you!

Just filling the fridge with a few basics will cost me at least €30-40. Then there is talk of meals out with them, everyone taking turns having them for a meal and going on outings and maybe a big family gathering. At least I work full-time and travel 30 miles to work so I won't be around much to get involved!!

I feel so mean spirited and miserly and I 'm sure they will be lovely people but I begrudge being left with the credit card bill when they are gone!

Thank goodness the hens are laying so I can put plenty eggs in the fridge! :rotfl:

FBaby

Purleygirl wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all the replies, for some reason I can't reply to individual posts. Ok, just to say we live in Ireland so tax, college fees, everything is different here. We don't keep inviting people over but of course, if people ask I say yes. Some of our friends and relatives are generous and understanding and insist on helping with petrol. But some just, well, don't help out at all. When I stay at friends in England, I will buy booze, food and if I get a lift to the airport I will leave some money in an envelope in the car. Because I feel if two of us have stayed in a friend's house for three nights, well it's just nice do that for them. It's just been tough going if we've had a family of five staying which has been the case. For friends and relatives, the holiday cottage is treated as an extension of our house, so I wouldn't be asking for any contribution to it, but I know myself that when I stay with people, I do pay my way. I've taken on board what people have said and thanks for the tips. I think we'll say it's unavailable in season as we need the income, that's not unreasonable. Oh and to the person who suggested a part time job, that would be great, I'm looking but hard times here.

I've just read this thread again, and my gut feeling is that you give your friends mix messages hence the confusion. Either you have a self contained cottage that you are happy for friends to use under specific conditions, but in this case, they are free to do what they want and are not your guests and they shouldn't indeed expect to be fed and driven around. OR they are invited as your guests and in that case, my view is that it is rude to expect them to pay for things.

It all comes down to how you communicate with them or have in the past. If you have been a bit enthusiastic when you first moved, said things like 'oh you will need to come and visit us, we have an extension so plenty of space. I'll really miss you guys and really hope you will come and visit often, it will be no trouble to us at all'. Then they contact you and say something like 'hiya, really miss you, Purleygirl and would love to come and see you, we are free next month, but don't want to impose, it's just that you said we could come whenever', and you reply 'oh, yes of course, it would be lovely to see you indeed, we are free this week-end we could do this and that....' Even though it could be considered that they have invited themselves, I would take this sort of conversation as an indirect invite from you and expect them to be treated as such.

If however the conversation was 'So excited we are moving, but a bit anxious too, thankfully we will have the cottage extension to rent to holiday makers. Of course, if at anytime you would like to visit Ireland and are interested in staying in our area, don't hesitate to contact us and if the flat is available, or it is out of seasons, we would be delighted to give you a special price for it', then no doubt that it would be incredibly rude of them to expect you to pay for food and petrol.

The problem is that I expect the truth is somewhere in between and therefore interpreted differently by your guests than what you wish they read behind you having a cottage extension for friends to use.