People think we're much better off financially then we are..

PinkLipgloss

The next time someone hints at staying I'd simply reply, "I'm really sorry but things are tight financially and we are hoping to rent out the holiday cottage on those dates."

fluffymuffy

If the OP is in the UK I think there might be some tax implications of using a holiday let for family use. I can't remember the details but it's along the lines of if you are claiming expenses against tax for your holiday accommodation and you use it yourself or for your friends/family, then that needs to be accounted as if you'd paid the rental at the full rate - i.e. you ultimately get to pay the income tax on this perk. This is a garbled shot at what I can remember offhand about this. Someone more up to speed can correct me.

butler_helen

If I were you OP, I would just honestly explain that uou can't afford to pay for everything but you are good to go halves. If you need an "excuse", just say that you've had lots of expenses recently; new oven, college fees, low rental income etc.

As a guest I always pay my way but I'd definitely get the hint and chip in if I was being a bit blind to it.

Obviously don't greet them at the airport with a petrol bill

(It might be a bit late for the new arrivals but I'm sure there's ways you could start to lay the ground rules for next time).

marisco_2

Dont judge a book by its cover is my view.

I dont see how people can assume that others are rolling in it. Just because someone has a nice comfy home, cars and appear to have a good lifestyle, it would be naive to automatically think this is all paid for outright or funded by some bottomless pit of a bank account. In alot of cases these things are afforded by people having large mortgages, loans and using credit.

In my experience very few people choose to save up for anything any more. Many of my friends think I am strange because I do this. I just have no wish to pay double for something by incurring interest charges.

When I visit others I wish to be no burden on them emotionally, practically and definately not financially. I have extremely close bonds with my family and friends and often offer to bring things with me. Once with them I suggest taking them out for the odd meal to thank them for their time and hospitality. I know this is not expected of me but I enjoy doing it. I also always pay my way and make sure that expenses are split fairly. If I am not driving myself whilst with them then I make a point of giving them petrol money. That is just common sense and courtesy. We all know how expensive food and fuel are.

I would hate to think that people were anxious about any visits I made to them and going without to be able to afford to have me stay with them. I am sorry that I have no real advice to give on how to handle this situation. I am quite surprised that your friends are unrealistic and behave as you have advised to be honest.

Mojisola

Purleygirl wrote: »

My point is, whenever we have friends/relatives over (at least once a month) and it is truly lovely to see them, we find that we're picking up from airports/ferry terminals, driving them around, filling the fridge in the holiday let, going without bookings to accommodate them.

As it is we have friends arriving tomorrow, I was told they wouldn't hire a car as it was too expensive, I've been saving, honestly, for two months to prepare for their visit, I've got the petrol money put aside. Hubby has been putting food in freezer week by week to feed them.

So when our friends come over tomorrow, I want to be really happy to see them instead of feeling anxious as to how we're going to fund a whole week. I can't ask for a contribution, that's so embarrassing.

It's too late to change the rules for the visitors coming this week but, for your own sanity, you've got to get over the idea that it's embarrassing to ask grown-up people to pay towards their own holiday!

I would be embarrassed to sponge off someone else in the way they are doing. Why on earth do they think that, because you'd had an inheritance, they have to right to a share of it?

You and your husband are going to have to put up a united front. From now on, offer the cottage at a reduced rate for relatives but they can only have weeks that haven't been booked up (say - two weeks before their planned visit).

They're in a self-catering cottage so, apart from a couple of meals, let them self-cater!

Don't organise your week around their time with you. When the dates are arranged, tell them it would be nice to go out with them a couple of times but you've got other things to do that week as well - and don't start explaining or justifying yourself to them!

Your so-called friends and family are taking advantage of you. Stop letting them!

mumonashoestring

Mojisola wrote: »

It's too late to change the rules for the visitors coming this week but, for your own sanity, you've got to get over the idea that it's embarrassing to ask grown-up people to pay towards their own holiday!

I would be embarrassed to sponge off someone else in the way they are doing. Why on earth do they think that, because you'd had an inheritance, they have to right to a share of it?

You and your husband are going to have to put up a united front. From now on, offer the cottage at a reduced rate for relatives but they can only have weeks that haven't been booked up (say - two weeks before their planned visit).

They're in a self-catering cottage so, apart from a couple of meals, let them self-cater!

Don't organise your week around their time with you. When the dates are arranged, tell them it would be nice to go out with them a couple of times but you've got other things to do that week as well - and don't start explaining or justifying yourself to them!

Your so-called friends and family are taking advantage of you. Stop letting them!

Absolutely right. As someone who regularly holidays with relatives because we can't afford to pay for a hotel, fares etc. I still don't expect to be fed, chauffeured, entertained and generally pandered to. If we're staying in someone's house then either we buy food and cook for everyone as a thankyou for having us, or we stay there as housesitters while they're away and take care of pets etc. We make sure we have bus timetables for the area we're in so we can get around, and we don't expect our hosts to drop everything just because we've decided to turn up... Honestly there is nothing wrong with saying 'we'd love you to come for dinner one evening' and leave them to sort themselves out otherwise, or saying 'I know you've decided not to hire a car so I've picked up copies of the bus timetable for you and there's the number for a good cab company written down if you need it'.

FatVonD

'Ooh, it would be lovely to see you but let me just check we don't have any other friends/family staying that month because, as you know, we ploughed every penny we had into the cottage to provide us with an income and we need to let it for 3 weeks every month to give us enough money to see us through the autumn and winter months too. Of course if you are prepared to come out of season you're welcome to pretty much any week.'

'I've got some bits and pieces in to see you through the first evening but I'm sure after that you'd rather shop for yourselves.'

Practice saying these things to yourself in the mirror!

If you are happy for other people to drive your car (and have fully comp with protected no claims) I'd suggest adding them to your insurance for a week (or getting extra cover on their insurance) and letting them drive (when you aren't using the car for yourself.) Leave it with a quarter tank of petrol and let them fill up after that.

Person_one

If you offered to rent out the cottage for a token 'mates rates' charge rather than inviting people stay in it for free it would put the visits on a totally different footing too.

If you're inviting them as your guests, then its not completely unreasonable to expect that you'll act like a host, and certainly not wrong to expect you'll pick them up from the airport and so on. If you invited people to stay in your house you'd feed them and take them places after all.

If you're offering them a discount at your business, its a whole other kettle of fish. I'd go down that route I think.

pollypenny

It's a holiday cottage and should be making an important contribution to your income.

As others have said, only make it available out of season or if not not let. I would also charge anyone other than very close family.

Surely no one expects a full fridge in a holiday let? Milk, bread and cereal for a first breakfast would be great.

When we stay with DS we shop and cook for them, too.

FBaby

It all very much depends on how the invitation comes about. If you are opening your door to them, then the fault is with you. I personally believe that the moment you invite someone to your house, it is right that you should pay for most of it. After all, as your friends coming tomorrow said, they themselves might not be able to afford to come themselves either.

Maybe they are assuming you are much better off then you are because you are inviting people quite a lot. Also, if you are saying that you are paying for your children education with them contributing little, it would make sense to assume that you are doing so because you can afford to. Most families that are struggling get their kids to contribute towards their own costs.

If you can't afford to receive people, don't invite them. Surely, they don't invite themselves? If you feel under pressure with hints, then just say that you can't, either be honest about the finances, or make up a reason, they will quickly get it. Or turn it around and say that it isn't fair on them to always be the one doing the journey and that you would be happy to be the one coming to them for once. See their reaction!