DH not on board with DMP

kezzygirl

Hi Sugarplum, I too am a student nurse with a husband and two kids. I took a salary change from nhs band 5 to my bursary, which is half of my salary.

It is really tough going and even with tax credits, we receive less than my salary alone. Having said that, I wouldnt have it any other way as I LOVE my course and all that is involved with it.

To ease the financial pressure, my hubby has taken on zero hours job with a care agency, he goes into peoples homes and cares for them. They call with shifts, he says if he can or cannot do them depending on if I have a study day, or if I am on placement.

It is a pain when I have to do housework and care for our son if he is not at nursery when I have uni work to do, and hubby and I have had a few convos over the fairness of it, as it is primarily 'his' job to look after the kids but this has changed since he started working but we get through it.

Hubby's self esteem and depression have lifted since he started this work,it must be difficult to go from a working man to a househusband. It drove me mad when I had to stay at home all day.

It is good you spoke to hubby and u are getting things sorted. I guess my post is to encourage you that it can be done, but balance is key.

Take care

PolishBigSpender

sugarplum10 wrote: »

its explained in the thread!

So you had 23,000 pounds worth of debt and still got pregnant with another child, despite your husband not working and you being a full time student and having five children already?

BitterAndTwisted

Polish: were you born this horribly rude and unsympathetic or did you have to work at it?

sugarplum10

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

So you had 23,000 pounds worth of debt and still got pregnant with another child, despite your husband not working and you being a full time student and having five children already?

Yes i did, but as long as i have happy, healthy children and pay the money back, what the begees does that have to do with you.
oh thats right... nothing
pass judgement all you like but I work my !!! off and my kids are bloody amazing so i dont actually see your point??
and... if you read the thread correctly you would have also noted that I have become a christian in the last 2 years- hence why i got married, and we are catholic- you work it out!!!!
also... its now just over £20,000 of debt so im paying it off pretty well.
sorry... what was your point again????????

Savvy_Sue

sugarplum10 wrote: »

and we are catholic- you work it out!!!!

May be coincidental, but DS1 attended a couple of catholic schools, and the only families I knew with more than 3 children were non-catholic. I'd talk to some of the mums at church.

sugarplum10

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

May be coincidental, but DS1 attended a couple of catholic schools, and the only families I knew with more than 3 children were non-catholic. I'd talk to some of the mums at church.

Thanks sue, LOL. :cool:

Savvy_Sue

sugarplum10 wrote: »

Thanks sue, LOL. :cool:

I was alway most intrigued by this, because as far as I could tell they really were 'good' Catholics rather than nominal - you didn't get into these schools if you weren't practising! :rotfl: Or active in some other denomination, as in the non-catholic families I knew, where 5 children seemed to be the norm.

With 'only' having 3 but not being Catholic, I was a bit of an oddity. :rotfl:

PolishBigSpender

sugarplum10 wrote: »

Yes i did, but as long as i have happy, healthy children and pay the money back, what the begees does that have to do with you.
oh thats right... nothing
pass judgement all you like but I work my !!! off and my kids are bloody amazing so i dont actually see your point??
and... if you read the thread correctly you would have also noted that I have become a christian in the last 2 years- hence why i got married, and we are catholic- you work it out!!!!
also... its now just over £20,000 of debt so im paying it off pretty well.
sorry... what was your point again????????

Since when does being Catholic stop you from using the natural method of contraception? I assume that as you got married recently, you would have been taught all about this in the Pre-Cana classes that you attended, of course?

I'm not passing judgment, I'm merely curious as to why someone in your situation (husband with no job, you a full time student) with five children already would choose to have a 6th child while also carrying a significant burden of debt. It certainly cannot help your husband to obtain a career if he knows that he's going to spend another few years at home looking after yet another child, after all.

I'm not sure what you hope to achieve by coming online and saying all sorts of bad things about your husband, as after all, it takes two to tango.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

sugarplum10 wrote: »

Yes i did, but as long as i have happy, healthy children and pay the money back, what the begees does that have to do with you.
oh thats right... nothing
pass judgement all you like but I work my !!! off and my kids are bloody amazing so i dont actually see your point??
and... if you read the thread correctly you would have also noted that I have become a christian in the last 2 years- hence why i got married, and we are catholic- you work it out!!!!
also... its now just over £20,000 of debt so im paying it off pretty well.
sorry... what was your point again????????

I think they have a very good point. You have 6 kids with various people, you're 'studying', i.e. not working and your OH is also not working and you're in debt up to your eye balls. Where do we start then, firstly do whatever you can to never have an more kids. Secondly both of you need to get jobs earning money. Thirdly you thne need to pay off your debts.

LannieDuck

I'm impressed you can manage debt repayments while feeding and housing 8 people on one student bursery.