Visitor etiquette

dizziblonde

If it's an agreed visit then yes I'd expect people to be around. If it's my MIL's speciality of just announcing she's coming down mid-week when hubby's at work and assuming I'll drop everything I've got planned (because I can't possibly have anything important in my life) to sit in a corner while she takes over the house and kids... then nope.

Errata

notanewuser wrote: »

It doesn't matter how I put it, it's seen as criticism. His response is always just "that's how my family is".

In that case, not only are his family a problem, so is he.

aileth

notanewuser wrote: »

As for DH, there's no criticising his family. He defends them to the hilt. I'm sure it does get to him, but there's no way on earth he'd call them up over it.

I feel for you with this as mine is the same. I see them taking advantage of him a lot, walking over him etc, and in his eyes they could do nothing wrong. I get the feeling they know this and just take advantage more.

securityguy

notanewuser wrote: »

It doesn't matter how I put it, it's seen as criticism. His response is always just "that's how my family is".

Perhaps it is. That doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

Personally, I'd write the 200 quid off. Going away for the weekend always costs more than staying at home, not just in accommodation, but in food, fuel, etc. If you go, you'll spend 200 plus more, and be miserable. If you stay at home, you'll spend 200 plus less, and be happier. If he's still keen to go, he can go on his own, anyway.

notanewuser

dizziblonde wrote: »

If it's an agreed visit then yes I'd expect people to be around. If it's my MIL's speciality of just announcing she's coming down mid-week when hubby's at work and assuming I'll drop everything I've got planned (because I can't possibly have anything important in my life) to sit in a corner while she takes over the house and kids... then nope.

Agreed and booked with everybody 2 months in advance. Don't expect everybody to be available all weekend, but for 2 out of 3 brothers (plus partners plus kids) to take themselves out on Saturday and Sunday is pushing it, isn't it?

Girlzmum

My sister is in a very similar situation to the OP, she and DH need to fly to come over for a visit and the number of times they have booked flights to come over and his parents have announced they're doing something else over that weekend is unbelievable. Now, when they come over they get to visit us as well so when her in laws clear off they have plenty to keep them busy but it isn't the point!
My sister has just announced she is pregnant and has been very bad with nausea and morning sickness, my mum went over to visit her over Easter and sister got a guilt tripping phone call from MIL about how they didn't make the effort to come home over Easter - they came home the last 2 Easters and the in laws got flights to go see his sister, both times booked after they've been told sister and BIL are coming over. They are over for a week in July and in laws are off on holiday!!!!

It is so frustrating for her because he just wants to see his parents and he is so hurt by how they are behaving yet he immediately defends them when she brings it up.

Noctu

I really feel for you OP, my DH is the same about his family - can see his family's flaws but defends them to the end when tackled. It's crazy 'cos if my family do something wrong I always try to take a balanced view and will criticise them if needs be. (Maybe a bit of 'mummy's boy' ?)

If you've already paid £200 for the hotel, I agree with other posters - go and see them, tick the box so to speak, bite your tongue and then go to local visitor attractions in the area. Then don't go down again, or let DH go on his own!

aileth

Noctu wrote: »

I really feel for you OP, my DH is the same about his family - can see his family's flaws but defends them to the end when tackled. It's crazy 'cos if my family do something wrong I always try to take a balanced view and will criticise them if needs be. (Maybe a bit of 'mummy's boy' ?)

Yes, I am the same re viewing my family balanced. If I complain about something my family have done, he is very quick to join in complaining about them, but if I disagree with anything about his family, he goes on the defensive. It's very frustrating.

Errata

notanewuser wrote: »

Agreed and booked with everybody 2 months in advance. Don't expect everybody to be available all weekend, but for 2 out of 3 brothers (plus partners plus kids) to take themselves out on Saturday and Sunday is pushing it, isn't it?

Yes it is. They're sending you a very strong message, you need to decipher it. In your shoes I'd cancel and lose the £200 and consider it money well spent. Perhaps the loss of it will concentrate your OH's mind on how much money his family are costing him and you because they buqqer about.

sazpot

I would be annoyed, my boyfriends mother always makes her weekend about us when we visit and his sister and family always see us for a long lunch and afternoon as a minimum. We are the ones with other plans trying to fit his friends in too!

I know you have said you can't cancel the hotel, have you seen if the hotel will let you move the booking to another weekend? I know some hotels to have done this previously when the bookings are non-refundable.

Treat it as a mini holiday and forget about seeing his family and wait for them to make the effort. You have done as much as you can now!

I think you should be going ahead with your nieces birthday, it isn't her fault the plans were made as they have been, she should have a good birthday and I am sure your daughter will enjoy it too. Rather than making tea you could book somewhere to go out and save yourself the work and they can all pay for themselves!