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red_devil

lostinrates wrote: »

I agree, but of course people will shift more if the motivation is higher. I don't mean money, but times of ill health for a family member and support being needed to be offered, funerals, that sort of thing....

true people make the effort when people are ill, or they are getting married, why isnt it like that all the time. We are only on this planet for so long?

lostinrates

red_devil wrote: »

true people make the effort when people are ill, or they are getting married, why isnt it like that all the time. We are only on this planet for so long?

Because they are making the effort for their other priorities the rest of the time! .....because, we are only on this planet for so long . And the times between seeing family are filled with other meaningful responsibilities or pleasures, some of which just cannot be dropped on a whim!

notanewuser

The 2 brothers we're now not likely to see are doing a marathon in a couple of weeks. They need to do a training run this weekend, which I understand. Then they're having a takeaway.
Apparently it's not possible to run in West Yorkshire, only East Yorkshire, hence making themselves, partners and children unavailable to us.

lostinrates

red_devil wrote: »

it is, you know at the start of a relationship, when you want to see your partner, you do anything to be with them and if its a long distance relationship you are prepared to travel to be with them nothing stops you. you can apply that to anything. If you a real, passion, want and desire to see someone you will. What people dont do speaks alot.

So...you are in a long term relationship and a member of family is around, they both want to see you.......

You are right, it does say something what people choose, but it doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about the one they don't choose. People's priorities shift and move.

I would find having one of my higher maintenance family members in towns or a weekend hard going, its possible I would, if they were not staying with us (which is also preferable) arrange time out..

In op's case, maybe her in laws are saying something very clearly. She's in a better position to know than us, but might not love the answer!

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

The 2 brothers we're now not likely to see are doing a marathon in a couple of weeks. They need to do a training run this weekend, which I understand. Then they're having a takeaway.
Apparently it's not possible to run in West Yorkshire, only East Yorkshire, hence making themselves, partners and children unavailable to us.

Stop winding yourself up & make the best of the situation.

LannieDuck

I would be annoyed too, OP. You've arranged in advance to do something that's going to require quite a lot of effort on your part and only a small amount of effort on theirs... and they can't be bothered despite you putting yourself out. Very selfish.

Don't let it spoil your weekend. You can still have a lovely time meeting the new baby, and DD will get to play with her cousin. In future, I would let your OH make the arrangements to see his side of the family... perhaps they'll only realise how much effort you've been going to once you stop?

Incidentally, given it's OH's side of the family visiting during their daughter's birthday, why isn't he the one liasing with his family about her party? Tell him that you've had enough of his family for now, and he can sort out the party... and then tell his family that you're not getting involved in the birthday arrangements, and they'll have to talk to OH if they want to organise anything. Then take a step back.

(Normally I don't advocate being quite so cut-and-dried about 'his side' of the family and 'your side', but in this case I think your OH needs to start pulling his weight - if he doesn't think there's anything wrong with his family's arrangements, let him deal with them.)

Errata

notanewuser wrote: »

Apparently it's not possible to run in West Yorkshire, only East Yorkshire, hence making themselves, partners and children unavailable to us.

That's right, everyone in West Yorkshire by law has to crawl around on their hands and knees all the time.
TBH if that's what they,ve told you they're seriously taking the mickey out of you. Not nice people.

System

Id' be spitting feathers :mad:

Dunroamin

red_devil wrote: »

it is, you know at the start of a relationship, when you want to see your partner, you do anything to be with them and if its a long distance relationship you are prepared to travel to be with them nothing stops you. you can apply that to anything. If you a real, passion, want and desire to see someone you will. What people dont do speaks alot.

You can hardly compare your feelings for a boy/girlfriend at the start of a relationship with wanting to see your in laws!

In the OP's case, this has nothing to do with passion and everything to do with a lack of manners.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

My ex husband's only brother didn't come to our wedding at all because Manchester City were playing at home.

That's not actually uncommon among City fans!