Existing, not living (Life)

ceebeeby

duckeggblue wrote: »

you don't pay an estate agent till the house is sold xx
Same with solicitors, it just comes out of the capital.

We're in Scotland. You have to pay weekly advertising fees etc.

notuptoyou

I don't know anything really about selling up and settling debts but I just wanted to send you lots of love!

I can't imagine how difficult your situation is, just know I'm thinking of you and wish you all the luck in the world.

The only way to predict the future is to create it xx

ceebeeby

tayforth wrote: »

Is the mortgage low enough that you could both leave and rent it out?

No. Too much risk in that - too close to the wire finances wise.

tayforth

marisco wrote: »

I really feel for you OP. To Live in the same home whilst being seperated, is extremely difficult even on a short term basis. Depending on the cirumstances surrounding their parting, many people need a long period of time with no kind of contact at all with their exes. When there are children involved it is not as straightforward but clear boundaries and alot of space is really necessary.

To have been living as you are for the past 3 years and to be facing another four in the same position must be absolutely awful for you. I will be frank with you and say that I am totally disgusted by the way your husband refers to you. No matter what has gone on between you both in the past you are the mother of his children. It is horrendous that he sees fit to suggest that you are his pile of !!!!! that he has to put up with, and that he would like others to agree with this warped logic of his.

I am shocked that he thought it appropriate, to suggest to your children that you are going out with other men, when this is not the case. I dont understand what he thought he would gain by taking such actions. He treats you like dirt, suggests that all the time you have been together has been wasted and is systematically chipping away at your confidence and self esteem. The atmosphere in the house will also be having a terribly detrimental effect on your children, as you seem painfully aware.

The one thing that you feel is keeping you trapped in this hellish existence is your debts. I would seriously look into every possible avenue and see if there is a way to manage your debt that would enable you to not have to live with him any more.

Have you tried contacting any of the debt advice services such as StepChange? They are trained to help people find ways to sort out very difficult financial problems. I would also highly recommend going onto the debt free wannabe site on this forum. There are really nice and very wise people on there who would happilly advise and guide you. They would be best placed to do that if you felt able to post a statement of affairs.

I am so sorry for all you are going through.

^^^ This. Plus your signature.

Really helpful advice as always, marisco xx

ceebeeby

If there is a solution, I would welcome it so much. I'll post in dfw tomorrow - I've pretty much got everything listed already so should be easy enough. Thanks so much everyone for all your encouragement. I felt so lonely and rubbish earlier, now I feel a bit more positive about he future.

Wilma33

How much do you think you need to get together in order to sell the house? Can you post a statement of affairs so people can work out where that money can come from? Personally I would prioritise money to sell the house over paying off credit cards. You need to get out and move on with your life.

tayforth

ceebeeby wrote: »

If there is a solution, I would welcome it so much. I'll post in dfw tomorrow - I've pretty much got everything listed already so should be easy enough. Thanks so much everyone for all your encouragement. I felt so lonely and rubbish earlier, now I feel a bit more positive about he future.

((((hugs))))

Really glad to hear that. A problem shared is a problem halved, as I have found out recently.

I hope that you sleep easier tonight - although I'm sure that your head is buzzing with thoughts and calculations.

You will find a way through this. Feel free to give us a link to your DFW thread when you post it.

We'll do all we can to help xxx

ceebeeby

I see what you're saying, but I would be worried that with bad credit, even if temporary, I wouldn't be able to rent.

marisco_2

ceebeeby wrote: »

I felt so lonely and rubbish earlier, now I feel a bit more positive about he future.

I am glad to hear that you are feeling a little bit better. The people on this forum are all so helpful and I hope you will continue to gain support here.

Dont underestimate how strong you are. What you are facing and coping with every day, would feel like a huge mountain to climb for many. Yet you are still standing and looking for positive ways forward. That is to be admired.

Savvy_Sue

ceebeeby wrote: »

Uni one has small part time job to earn her going out money - she doesnt have student loan etc.

does lack of student loan mean you're supporting her completely apart from her 'going out' money? Is that really sustainable?

it may be different in Scotland, but if they choose to go to Uni, they need to work out how to pay for it, IMO. If that involves student loans, why not?