Existing, not living (Life)

gizmo111

What is this debt that makes you think you have to continue to live in misery?
Is the house in joint names on a mortgage? How much equity?
How old are the children?

ceebeeby

Yes. But I'm reasonably sensible and know he's abusive - but he is very convincing in what he says about me. I genuinely do believe I'm not squeaky clean though, and there are nuggets of truth in what he says.
I just want to test the waters to see if someone else says the same!

duckeggblue

You know , domestic abuse is never your fault.My abusive ex was very good at confusing me, till I didn't know what I thought anymore, it was exhausting. You are going to react to being treated abusively, that doesn't make you bad.

ceebeeby

gizmo111 wrote: »

What is this debt that makes you think you have to continue to live in misery?
Is the house in joint names on a mortgage? How much equity?
How old are the children?

Mortgage and two loans.
About £60k equity in house. Further debts of about £40k joint but another £40k single as well. House in disrepair, would need work to sell.
Children are 20 and 16. Both in full time education.

Blackpool_Saver

He already has too much control, why does HE have all downstairs and you are in one room? silly man needs to get a grip, you can do as you please, , while taking the children into account of course

Wilma33

You only get one life, you need to get out. Post details of your debts on the debt free wannabe board so people can work out a solution. There is a solution! You could take in a lodger, live with a friend, earn extra income.

Wilma33

It's good that your children are older. Do they work part time? Do you work?

ceebeeby

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

He already has too much control, why does HE have all downstairs and you are in one room? silly man needs to get a grip, you can do as you please, , while taking the children into account of course

I have a tv in my room! He also has the master room with ensuite. Yep, I didn't get a great draw in that one. Reasoning was it was my choice to move out of the main room all those years ago. I now feel like I live in an expensive prison of my own making.

Wilma33 wrote: »

It's good that your children are older. Do they work part time? Do you work?

Uni one has small part time job to earn her going out money - she doesnt have student loan etc. School one doesn't. Yes, I work and earn above ave salary.

tayforth

Is the additional £40k debt all yours? What are the debts? Credit cards? Loans?

Wilma33

So you have equity of £60K and debt of £80K i.e. debt of £20K overall. So if you earn above average salary, why can't you sell the house, rent somewhere (without him!!) and work towards paying off the £20K (or your share)? You don't need to do work to houses to sell them. People pay slightly less and do the work themselves.