Existing, not living (Life)

duckeggblue

It sounds like he's too comfortable and needs " helping" to get out of that house, well, a kick up the bum.how would you feel about putting the house up for sale?

ceebeeby

Yes £40k joint plus £40k just mine. Yes - loans and credit cards.

ceebeeby

Absolutely no issue with selling the house. I'd be delighted. But can't afford too. We don't have up front money to pay estate agents, home sellers kit etc.

tayforth

Can he buy you out?

duckeggblue

ceebeeby wrote: »

Absolutely no issue with selling the house. I'd be delighted. But can't afford too. We don't have up front money to pay estate agents, home sellers kit etc.

you don't pay an estate agent till the house is sold xx
Same with solicitors, it just comes out of the capital.

Wilma33

Can't those costs all be taken out of the sale money when the house is sold? Post on the house selling board to check.

ceebeeby

Wilma33 wrote: »

So you have equity of £60K and debt of £80K i.e. debt of £20K overall. So if you earn above average salary, why can't you sell the house, rent somewhere (without him!!) and work towards paying off the £20K (or your share)? You don't need to do work to houses to sell them. People pay slightly less and do the work themselves.

He has single debt also of about £30k. The equity in the house however is largely mine as I paid most of it from inheritence. He's agreeable to that.

tayforth

Is the mortgage low enough that you could both leave and rent it out?

ceebeeby

tayforth wrote: »

Can he buy you out?

No, he has no money either. All tied up in debt.

marisco_2

I really feel for you OP. To live in the same home whilst being seperated, is extremely difficult even on a short term basis. Depending on the cirumstances surrounding their parting, many people need a long period of time with no kind of contact at all with their exes. When there are children involved it is not as straightforward but clear boundaries and alot of space is really necessary.

To have been living as you are for the past 3 years and to be facing another four in the same position must be absolutely awful for you. I will be frank with you and say that I am totally disgusted by the way your husband refers to you. No matter what has gone on between you both in the past you are the mother of his children. It is horrendous that he sees fit to suggest that you are his pile of !!!!! that he has to put up with, and that he would like others to agree with this warped logic of his.

I am shocked that he thought it appropriate, to suggest to your children that you are going out with other men, when this is not the case. I dont understand what he thought he would gain by taking such actions. He treats you like dirt, suggests that all the time you have been together has been wasted and is systematically chipping away at your confidence and self esteem. The atmosphere in the house will also be having a terribly detrimental effect on your children, as you seem painfully aware.

The one thing that you feel is keeping you trapped in this hellish existence is your debts. I would seriously look into every possible avenue and see if there is a way to manage your debt that would enable you to not have to live with him any more.

Have you tried contacting any of the debt advice services such as StepChange? They are trained to help people find ways to sort out very difficult financial problems. I would also highly recommend going onto the debt free wannabe site on this forum. There are really nice and very wise people on there who would happilly advise and guide you. They would be best placed to do that if you felt able to post a statement of affairs.

I am so sorry for all you are going through.