Sisters 40th birthday - what she's expecting, what I can afford!

catmc

Your sister sounds quite selfish the day before my 40th birthday i was told my sister had terminal cancer and died 11 weeks later my most prescious thing i got was my card for my sister life is so short for people if she doesnt like it tell her tough you are not getting into debt to buy a present you cant afford i wouldnt like my family to go over board just a card and maybe dinner which we all chip in for hope it works out for you

Primrose

We 've all long since given up exchanging birthday presents between grown up siblings in our family. Tell her that her 40th marks the last one and that in future you'll not be expecting any presents either. A nice card and just remembering ought to be sufficient.

barbiedoll

Oh my, your sister is nearly 40, don't you think that it's time for either you or your mum to bite the bullet and tell her to grow up?

You're all adults with families of your own, her birthday, 40th or otherwise, is not that important to anyone but her. It's nice if you can all celebrate it with her, but for her to expect expensive presents and pricey restaurant trips is completely unrealistic. And to drop huge hints about what you should buy her is rude and selfish, if she wants Chanel perfume, she should buy it for herself! :mad:

Ring her tomorrow and spell it out to her. Tell her that she won't be getting expensive presents because your child(ren) is your priority and you don't have cash to spare. Tell her that you would love to celebrate her birthday with her but if a present is more important to her than your company, then you'll stay away.

Then ring your mum and tell her to mind her own business, you'll spend the amount that you see fit, and you're not going to be guilt-tripped into debt just because your spoilt sister may have a tantrum.

And stop buying £15 wine! If she's that fussy about what she drinks, she should bring it with her to a party. What a cheek! :mad:

isitenough

I'm 40 this year and tbh if my sister put a £10 note in my card I'd be happy with that! No need for wine as I don't drink.
Anything I get extra instead of just a card is a bonus in my mind!
Sounds like your sister (and Mum) need to grow up. A birthday gift is just that - a GIFT! Not a RIGHT.
I've never understood all this palava about certain birthdays being 'special'. You're another year older. Simple as.
Stand your ground OP. Do not get guilt tripped into buying any more than you can afford. If she doesn't like it then next year don't bother with a pressie, just buy a nice card. As it sounds to me that anything you buy won't be good enough for her anyway.

ETA: you shouldn't have to explain to anyone why you have bought a certain gift for them. If they don't like it then it's tough. They obviously know you are tightening your belt. They're the selfish ones. Not you.

midnightraven3

perhaps its because i am an only child, but i find this terribly sad, your sister knows money is tight, and making these (ridiculous) demands on you, and you in turn are trying all you can to please her?

she should have offered to take you on the spa day, her treat.
so its her birthday? big woop, she is a grown woman, family struggling should come before any selfish demands

seldom do i feel like this, but i truly do feel sorry for you, you will never please someone like your sister, please dont make yourself feel bad by trying

99.99999999999999999% of people would be over the moon with a card, and a lovely bottle of wine
your mother and sister are selfish OP, sorry, but they are:(

Tupperware_Queen

I'm 40 this year and would be mortified if my sisters were getting in a state about what to give me, I'm arranging a party, and as long as they can come, with their kids and we can have a great time, then I will be happy.

Money and flash pressies are no where near as important as spending time with my family

meritaten

my poor sis didn't even get a card for her birthday this year, she got a phone call and profuse apologies! she was fine about it as we had just been given bad news about my aunt and sisters birthday went right out of my head (even though the card was signed and waiting to be posted!). my bro, sis and I just exchange cards these days - none of us are particularly hard up and we have agreed on cards but no pressies!

I really think you should set your sister straight hun. If she wants to drink expensive wine (£15 a bottle IS expensive for ordinary wine) then she brings her own. to gift her a bottle is quite adequate for her birthday in my view.

Lilly11a

Just as a suggestion have you looked at the freebies(low spend) board.

It's my sil's birthday on 29th and I've got her the buckley earings for £3.50 postage. There was also a scarf or stone type neckalace for simular money.

alyth

on my 40th I sat at home watching stuff on youtube as all my friends and family thought someone else would be doing something for me - and it was utter heaven! I don't celebrate my birthday for a personal reason and I must be the only person in the world who last year didn't know it was their own birthday until I logged into facebook - in defence it was my first week back at uni and things were a little manic!

I can see two sides to this - two some people birthdays are a huge issue, to someone like me the day just literally passes me by. Your sister sounds a little superficial, but then I had someone who got terribly upset because they didn't get a wedding present from me - I don't do commercialism so wouldn't give a gift for a wedding - it's the couple's personal celebration, not a reason to get a present.

Can you take her out for a nice lunch? I know money is tight, but spending time with your family is more important than a bottle of perfume. I can see your mother's viewpoint though - my mother told me last week it's my brother's tenth wedding anniversary and that I should get him a card. Despite being at the wedding I know it's sometime around this weekend and forgot the card until tonight!

pigpen

isitenough wrote: »

I'm 40 this year and tbh if my sister put a £10 note in my card I'd be happy with that! No need for wine as I don't drink.

If I got £10 in a card from my sibling I'd give it back! I've not had a card, not a single one in 3 year maybe more.

It is my 40th this year too and I have told everyone for years I will be organising my own party.. I'm not.. I hated when I was forced to have parties as a child I certainly don't want it as an adult.. and if anyone did something like that I probably would never forgive them, I'd be incredibly upset and I'd immediately go home.

I have never even been out on my birthday ever!.. not once! I don't drink wine it is nasty lol..