Sisters 40th birthday - what she's expecting, what I can afford!

neverdespairgirl

midnightraven3 wrote: »

perhaps its because i am an only child, but i find this terribly sad, your sister knows money is tight, and making these (ridiculous) demands on you, and you in turn are trying all you can to please her?

It's not because you are an only child - I have two sisters and a brother, and feel exactly the same way as you do.

bestpud

I blame you for this predicament.

Your sister is an adult brat and you can't change that.

However, you can change how you act!

If you always do what you've always done....

Stop whinging about her and feeling sorry for yourself and do what you think she should do - grow up!

Take responsibility for yourself and tell her to do one.

You will be teaching your children a valuable life lesson too - or would you prefer they grow up to be insipid doormats too?

Sorry to be blunt but get a grip for goodness sake! YOU can change this!

Mojisola

bestpud wrote: »

I blame you for this predicament.

Your sister is an adult brat and you can't change that.

However, you can change how you act!

If you always do what you've always done....

Stop whinging about her and feeling sorry for yourself and do what you think she should do - grow up!

Take responsibility for yourself and tell her to do one.

You will be teaching your children a valuable life lesson too - or would you prefer they grow up to be insipid doormats too?

Sorry to be blunt but get a grip for goodness sake! YOU can change this!

I agree with this. I can't believe that you've been pandering to a grown-up toddler all these years.

Would you let your kids get away with the same behaviour?

dktreesea

When it comes to money, it's not really the thought that counts but the amount.

I've given my children money at Christmas and birthdays for years , and just one or two main presents to go with it, but now time has marched on I am not so sure my strategy, which was to avoid buying people "quality crap", (my definition for 99% of stuff; if they want it they can buy it themseleves) because somehow they seem to expect the amount to be upped over time. You know, to allow for getting older/inflation/more expensive (French perfume) tastes.

If you give your sister £10, you'll look like Scrooge. "Money is tight", (unless you are on the dole/income support etc in which case money really will be tight) is just another way of saying you would rather spend the money on yourself instead of other people. So if you have any vices/extravagences, people in your family might be muttering to themselves about how mean you are , for not giving up your vice/extravagence for one week just so you could get your sister a decent present.

dktreesea

Plus I just realised , from the title, that it's your sister's 40th. That's a landmark age for people, when you are meant to up the spend, not lower it.

Does your sister want expensive perfume because she can't afford it for herself, or just because she wants a decent pressie?

maman

dktreesea wrote: »

When it comes to money, it's not really the thought that counts but the amount.

I've given my children money at Christmas and birthdays for years , and just one or two main presents to go with it, but now time has marched on I am not so sure my strategy, which was to avoid buying people "quality crap", (my definition for 99% of stuff; if they want it they can buy it themseleves) because somehow they seem to expect the amount to be upped over time. You know, to allow for getting older/inflation/more expensive (French perfume) tastes.

If you give your sister £10, you'll look like Scrooge. "Money is tight", (unless you are on the dole/income support etc in which case money really will be tight) is just another way of saying you would rather spend the money on yourself instead of other people. So if you have any vices/extravagences, people in your family might be muttering to themselves about how mean you are , for not giving up your vice/extravagence for one week just so you could get your sister a decent present.

I'd agree with that point but I assumed that OP had barely enough to cover her household essentials so that having any money over for gifts was very difficult. It would be useful to know.

Person_one

Being on benefits is most definitely not the only situation in which money can be tight.

jellyhead

FatVonD wrote: »

Do you still have the receipt for the wine? I'd take it back and either:

Pay 2 or 3 quid more for a half-price bottle of champagne so you're seen to be marking the fact that it is a 'special' birthday, or

look into prices for the body lotion version of the perfume she's been hinting for. The body lotion is usually lots cheaper than the perfume and she *only* gave you body lotion so she's nothing to complain about.

Excellent suggestions :T

If she moans that it's 'only' body lotion, remind her that she gave you body lotion for your 40th so you thought she'd like some for hers.

You could also add a 'nostalgia' factor by giving her a packet of sweets that she'd have had in her childhood. Poundland sell swizzles, etc. and Mr Simms sell packets of love hearts, parma violets, etc. (I bought a small jar of mixed sweets for my husband for around £6, but I knew he'd share them with the children, so it wasn't a waste of money).

This way it shows that you have put thought into it and recognised that it's a landmark birthday, but without spending a lot more than you usually would.

If you still think she'll kick off, tell your mum that you can't afford the perfume, and if your mum really thinks the sister deserves and expects such a lavish gift, your mum can buy it on your behalf! You might find that your mum's got her the perfume, so the matching body lotion would be nice from you

thunderbird

what exactly would she say if she wasn't happy with the present?

thunderbird

I agree! The only real landmark birthdays I can think of are 1, 18 and 100.

edit - where did the post go that I was replying to?!