Sisters 40th birthday - what she's expecting, what I can afford!

jenhug

Seeing as she is going to be ungrateful no matter what you buy her, I would donate the money to charity and tell her so in the card.

My sister and I still buy gifts for each other but we go for the thought rather than the cost. For my birthday she got me a gorgeous purple fluffy blanket (I have a long term illness and get cold so easily, and purple is my fave colour) and I got her a book on keeping poultry and some ceramic toadstools for her rockery! (from the 99p shop!) We were both really happy with our presents.

I think you should buy your sister a book on manners.

jenhug

I am another one who doesn't really understand why we get so excited about turning a certain age, birthdays are great for children, and I think turning 18 is pretty great, but I don't intend to have another party until I turn 100!

Rev

I don't get the fuss over birthdays. Mine anyway. If I can afford it I like to buy my friends/close family something nice. When I say nice I mean something I know they'll love. Could be £1 could be £50. I like to try and get something personal.

It's my birthday Wednesday, I'm not looking forward to it because its my first birthday since I lost my mum. She used to always taker for a meal, nowhere expensive, just a bit of a treat.

My friends have asked if there's anything I want and I've told them to get their kids to make me a card and that's all. They don't need to spend cash they haven't got on presents. I appreciate that fact they have remembered and will pop down and say happy birthday. That's more than enough for me.

If your sister isn't grateful tell her to sod off. The fact you've thought about it and bought something you know she likes and enjoys should be more than enough. If its not, I'm sorry but she doesn't deserve the effort you've already gone too.

dktreesea

paulineb wrote: »

Perhaps some people dont earn very much in the jobs they have, doesnt mean its living beyond their means.

I dont have much cash to spare and even when I was working full time I didnt make a massive deal of birthdays. But my family dont sit up and tot up who spends what on each other.

For example my brother was a student and then unemployed for a time and I had more money to spend on him, but for my 40th he bought me an ipod, must have spent about £200 on it, I totally wasnt expecting it but I knew that he was making the point that he was thankful that I had been able to spend on him when I had it. And I wouldnt ever expect him to spend that sum of money on me every year, but he didnt buy me that thinking, he would add up what I spent on him for his birthday (our birthdays are 2 days apart), he was happy to give me that gift.

He now has more money than I do, but its the exchanging of the gifts thats important, not whats spent on it. Ive bought family presents from poundland in my time as well, from charity shops, Ive taken people out for meals, Ive had people take me out for meals and I ask people what they would like so that I know what I'll give them is something that they'll use. But my family know that money is tight for me and it has been over the last few years.

This year my brother bought me a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates, because that was what I asked for. Something could be £2 or £20, it wouldnt matter to me what I received, its the thought that counts.

And if someone is being a right old drama queen over what they want and making noises about people being stingy when they know there isnt much spare money, thats sad and its not worth the stress being caused.

You sound like you are in a family where people genuinely couldn't care less what one spends on the other. Plus you got what you wanted.

In defence of the OP's sister, while I think she is going to be making herself miserable for nothing if she doesn't like the OP's gift, what is the point of buying someone something cheap enough for you to be able to afford if they are not going to value and use it? Not to mention think less of you?

French perfume costs the equivalent of 20-30p a day, saved up over a year. One wonders, if the sister really likes French perfume, why she wouldn't treat herself.

dktreesea

andygb wrote: »

Ah yes, these "landmark" birthdays - 16, 18, 21, 30, 40, 50, 60, 80, 100

To be perfectly honest, they are only seen as landmarks by people who EXPECT to be given things all the time, who need to find excuses to be the centre of attention.

Once you become an adult, you should stop acting like a spoilt child.

For me, a birthday means having a BBQ, sharing the time with a few mates and family - I'm not interested in people buying me presents, and I do not miss cards.

I'm not into cards either. But you're in the same position as one of the earlier posters; you're getting what you want for your birthday.

One of the members of my family wants a car for her birthday. It's a pity she doesn't want French perfume instead; it would be cheaper.

dktreesea

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Interesting?

I think your friend should grow up. There is absolutely no need to lend her sister money, but she seems to be seriously throwing her toys out of the pram on this one.

Yes, maybe, but people in families are sensitive about different things. The OP is suggesting her own sister is sensitive about the quality of gifts she receives. Something I have some sympathy with. I don't like mediocre quality stuff. I wouldn't give anyone something I didn't think they would value or use, let alone a member of my family and I wouldn't like it if someone did that to me.

It doesn't then follow I give the other person exactly what they want. Will I be spending a few thousand pounds on a car for a birthday present? Not unless I win the main prize in Lotto.

joe_mcclaine

Meh. You can't choose your family. If you could, I'd swap every single one of mine.

Anyway.

Give her what you planned to and enjoy the warm feeling in your tummy that comes from being nice to people. Your sister can deal with her own feelings in her own way.

Boomshanka ... or somesuch.

paulineb_2

dktreesea wrote: »

You sound like you are in a family where people genuinely couldn't care less what one spends on the other. Plus you got what you wanted.

In defence of the OP's sister, while I think she is going to be making herself miserable for nothing if she doesn't like the OP's gift, what is the point of buying someone something cheap enough for you to be able to afford if they are not going to value and use it? Not to mention think less of you?

French perfume costs the equivalent of 20-30p a day, saved up over a year. One wonders, if the sister really likes French perfume, why she wouldn't treat herself.

I hadnt asked for an ipod, it was a complete surprise. I was genuinely touched that my brother had spent that amount of money on me and I seriously wasnt expecting it.

No, my family dont really care less what we spend on one another, but I also spend what I have when I have it on family throughout the year (there are only 3 of us left). Birthdays arent a massive big deal to me. Last year my brother and I took my mum out for dinner on her birthday and he took me and my mum out for my birthday, both were his idea. Sometimes its difficult to know what to get people. My brother is 34, he has a full time job and thats why before I buy him a present I ask him what he wants, I did that last year and I got him something he asked for.

However, the OP has said that she has got her sister a £15 bottle of wine that she really likes. And even if I did buy some gifts for family from a pound shop or a charity shop, Id still buy something that I think they would like. As has been said earlier in the thread, you can buy prints, photo frames, Ive bought gift sets, jewellery in both pound shops and charity shops and I make sure that as well as anything like that, theres something my family have specifically asked for. And I dont think my family would ever think or have thought less of me because I havent had a lot of money to spend on presents in the last few years.

This issue isnt just about the OP's sisters present, its about the fuss already being made because she cant understand that money is tight for the OP and is making noises about what she thinks she should be getting.

If I really liked a bottle of french perfume or any other perfume and I had the money to buy it, Id be looking on discount perfume sites, there are several and Id buy it myself. I wouldnt make someone else feel bad for not being able to treat me to it.
Ditto for the restaurant, again, if I had the money to go there, Id go there and I wouldnt wait until it was my birthday and expect someone to pay for it.

Georgiegirl256

dktreesea wrote: »

I wouldn't give anyone something I didn't think they would value or use, let alone a member of my family and I wouldn't like it if someone did that to me.

Yes. I agree, but why does the gift have to be expensive? It doesn't.

My Mam is the best at putting thought into what to get people, buying something she knows they'll enjoy and use. For instance, it was her friend Maureen's birthday the other day, so my Mam bought her a scarf (a silky one, not wool), AND, it was under a tenner! My Mam was really pleased with her find, and Maureen was chuffed to bits with her present

Georgiegirl256

Personally, I cannot stand greedy people. If someone demanded to me what they wanted for a present, I'd be tempted to play a little joke on them, to hopefully make them see what a greedy person they are being....but then again, people like that can't see that they are doing anything wrong, and think YOU are in the wrong, it's all me me me with them!

I'd be tempted to find an empty box from the perfume she wants, weight it down and then put in a little message to shame them. But, that's just my sarcastic evil sense of humour :rotfl:

For my Friends 40th, I got her a special limited edition collectors bottle of Smirnoff vodka, as it is her favourite drink. It didn't even cost that much more than a normal bottle either.