Sisters 40th birthday - what she's expecting, what I can afford!

MrsE_2

jackie_w wrote: »

Well here I agree with you 100% BUT my sister keeps saying no and as my birthday is before hers, I always just give her money. It is very pointless, but she will not listen.

My husband and his siblings don't gift each other when its their birthdays because its pointless, but I think my sister wants to keep the birthday thing going because its just me and her!

I wouldn't be asking - I would be telling her this is how it's going to be.
She cannot force you to continue the cash swap.

Brighton_belle

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yes. I agree, but why does the gift have to be expensive? It doesn't.

My Mam is the best at putting thought into what to get people, buying something she knows they'll enjoy and use. For instance, it was her friend Maureen's birthday the other day, so my Mam bought her a scarf (a silky one, not wool), AND, it was under a tenner! My Mam was really pleased with her find, and Maureen was chuffed to bits with her present

Though I imagine she was, I always act really appreciative of any presents I receive, even if I know it will be going to the charity shop asap. (And I am appreciative of the kind thought).

I have eliminated most un-liked, presents though by generally announcing " no presents pleased pre birthday" and xmas. I tend to spend time with friends instead, doing something together, like a theatre trip, or afternoon tea or just a walk with a flask.
I whole heartedly agree with your point that it doesn't have to be expensive though.

Nagme

It's my SIL's 40th in a few weeks, she sounds a bit like your sister, OP.

For my my husband's 40th, she bought a load of thoughtless "landfill tat" for his birthday (inflatable zimmerframe etc) we would have preferred a well chosen card. This christmas we actually got a text from her asking if we'd posted our nephew's christmas present (he's 19 and has a job) yet. She is very materialistic, and the only girl and the youngest so I imagine she has been a little bit spoilt in the past by the family. Ironically she's very tight with money and expects everyone else to shell out for her. I don't think she realises how it comes across.

For her 40th, birthday we have asked DH's parents to send us some photos of the three kids (DH, SIL and BIL) together by email, which I will either turn into a collage, or get one printed onto canvas, and give it as a joint present with BIL.

Perhaps SIL will not appreciate it as much as if we spent £50 - £100 on a necklace or something similar, but we will feel happy with the gift that we have put thought into. If she even suggests that we didn't spend much, either DH or myself will be sure to advise her that there isn't much money for us to spend, and she can do what she wants with that information.

If I knew that my sister was fretting over not spending enough money on me for my birthday, I would be upset that she couldn't tell me. Likewise, If she couldn't afford to come on a spa weekend with me, I would insist on paying for her as I would want her to be with me.

It's my 40th this year, and I really hope that no-one buys me a gift they can't afford.

Georgiegirl256

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Though I imagine she was, I always act really appreciative of any presents I receive, even if I know it will be going to the charity shop asap. (And I am appreciative of the kind thought).

I have eliminated most un-liked, presents though by generally announcing " no presents pleased pre birthday" and xmas. I tend to spend time with friends instead, doing something together, like a theatre trip, or afternoon tea or just a walk with a flask.
I whole heartedly agree with your point that it doesn't have to be expensive though.

Yeah, that's what I was saying, it's the thought that counts too! Even better if you can get something that they'll love for a bargain price too! But tbh, me, my family, and (most!) friends are all appreciative for what we get....I sometimes think that it's the way you're raised, for example, I was always made to write thank you letters at Christmas and Birthdays.

Brighton_belle

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yeah, that's what I was saying, it's the thought that counts too! Even better if you can get something that they'll love for a bargain price too! But tbh, me, my family, and (most!) friends are all appreciative for what we get....I sometimes think that it's the way you're raised, for example, I was always made to write thank you letters at Christmas and Birthdays.

Yeah, sorry, I wasn't clear. What I meant was, saying your mum's friends was 'delighted' doesn't actually mean she was. So one can spend ages being thoughtful but it's still something hideous to the recipient whatever it costs. But generally I think we are singing from the same hymn sheet:)

Norma_Desmond

Grasping so-and-so!

Drink the wine yourself, pocket the tenner and use the card to enclose a nice 'Goat from Oxfam' gift voucher.

arbroath_lass

dktreesea wrote: »

I don't like mediocre quality stuff. I wouldn't give anyone something I didn't think they would value or use, let alone a member of my family and I wouldn't like it if someone did that to me.

The OP is NOT giving a "mediocre quality", unvalued gift though, is she? She has bought her sister's favourite wine. Something her sister, apparently, doesn't buy herself too often.

marisco_2

jackie_w wrote: »

My sister is 40 next week and she has been dropping hints about how much she is expecting me to spend on her.

Is that a typo error above? Is your sister coming up to 4 or 40? I only ask because if it is the latter she is behaving very immaturely for her age. I cant understand grown adults who have an expectation of what people should spend on their birthdays or give them as gifts. It is as if they go through life with an uncomfy level of entitlement to things, which isn't an attractive trait at all.

OP you sound like a caring and generous person who is doing her best to acknowledge her sisters birthday, even though finances are tight for you.

It is not pleasant that your sister is making you feel this way, or that she made it so obvious that she was unhappy that you could not attend the spa weekend. Any rational person would accept that if they choose to do something so expensive, it will limit who can attend and join in the celebrations with them.

neverdespairgirl

dktreesea wrote: »

The OP is suggesting her own sister is sensitive about the quality of gifts she receives. Something I have some sympathy with. I don't like mediocre quality stuff.

No, the OP is suggesting that her sister is sensitive about the price, not the quality.

pigpen

Norma_Desmond wrote: »

Grasping so-and-so!

Drink the wine yourself, pocket the tenner and use the card to enclose a nice 'Goat from Oxfam' gift voucher.

I'd love an Oxfam farm.. I might request it for my 40th.. excellent idea!